Evil stepmom? Or valid point?

Reply Sun 25 Oct, 2015 01:00 pm
So I am living with a man who has joint custody of his two kids. We have them every other week. 7 year old boy and 4 year old girl. A couple weeks back my BF's extra phone came up "missing". After looking for it for several days it was found in the 7year olds room. So he took it, hid it, and lied about it for several days. His punishment was to be in his room for a couple of days but get to play with all of his toys, have desert every night and treats during the day, McDonald's, have his sister in the room to play with, AND go stay the night at grandma and grandpas and play with his cousins! So his discipline at the time made me furious but like everything else I let it go because well...their not "my kids". But today I walk by his bedroom and he is happily on his bed playing with the same phone he stole from his dad! Now we are fighting because once again I'm the bad person for feeling frustrated and angry. Please help!!! Are my feelings validated or am I not being objective. This kind of behavior in a 7 year old is scary to me especially with no consequences for his actions. I might add this is the second time in 5 months he has taken something of his fathers .
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Reply Sun 25 Oct, 2015 01:26 pm
Your first step is probably to explain to the man you live with why you disagree with his parenting, and to make sure you have a reasonable way to approach the problem ready as well. Tell him how you think it should be handled, and why you think your approach would work better.

I don't get the sense you have kids of your own, right? I might be wrong here, but if I'm not, you go into that discussion at an even bigger disadvantage. Since not only are they not your kids, but from what experience can you tap in order to tell him how parenting ought to be done?

But you'd better have that discussion, because if his type of parenting makes you furious, your relationship is going to suffer under it.
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Reply Sun 25 Oct, 2015 01:48 pm
Thank you for your response. Yes I have 2 children a grown boy and a 15 year old daughter. And from others opinion...including him, I am an amazing mother and my children are great kids. I think that's what makes this more frustrating 😁 I should also point out that we are close in age. Actually he is 3 years older then me.
Reply Sun 25 Oct, 2015 02:26 pm
Do the children's parents have an agreement between them on how discipline should be handled?

If not, encourage them to sit down and develop a parenting plan, including discipline. If so, support your partner in working with their agreed-upon parenting plan.
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Reply Mon 26 Oct, 2015 03:26 pm
Seven year olds are notorious for impulsive acts and taking things of others. This is a great teaching opportunity for both you and your husband to talk to him about "stealing" and "taking things without permission" and "taking things that belong to others without asking first."

I wonder why he was able to put his hands on his father's phone again.
In any case, he didn't get the message from the first time.

Ask your husband to imagine this is 10 years in the future, and the "phone" is his "car." Ask him how he would handle it then.

Blended family counseling is in order ASAP.
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Reply Mon 26 Oct, 2015 07:50 pm
I have never understood this business about step parents have no rights. When the kids are in your house their management is just as much your business as pops. If pops wants to take moms wishes into account fine, mom gets 25%, dad 25% and step mom 50% of the say in how the kids are disciplined in your house.If I was a step parent that would have to be how this goes, not getting this is a dealbreaker on the relationship. Nobody elses kids are coming into my house without minding me.
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