Fri 23 Oct, 2015 12:43 pm
Hi. Sorry to come here out of the blue but I feel bad today. I'd need a piece of advice on something that is driving me crazy and I don't really know to whom I could speak.
I'm in love with a girl who's studying in my class. She knows what my feelings are because I told her, and made it clear there was no hope (she said something along the lines of " I'm sorry I can't tell you the same". Without specifically saying what her feelings are, but hey, a refusal is enough).
This was last year. This year we're in the same class again. I try to act "normal", not to be creepy/weird/invasive around her in any way. And I'm not. But emotionally she makes things complicated for me (very probably unconsciously). She's distant by nature but smiles at me a lot, and I mean a lot (ok. I smile too). Sometimes when I look up I catch her staring at me. Either she quickly looks away but then looks back and smiles, or she instantly gives me this huge big beautiful smile. She also texts me more than usual (last year she'd almost never text) to ask for my help on stuff/she invited me somewhere once/whatever. I think her messages are warmer. But then she'll suddenly not answer me, I don't know why.
What REALLY upset me was when we had this theatre workshop a few days ago. At some point the teacher told us all to sit in a row and among other things made us stand each in turn to say something that we never dared to say to someone, beginning with the phrase "If I saw him/her, I'd like to tell him/her...". And this girl said "If I saw her, I'd like to tell her I love her."
(yep, I'm a girl too). I was two seats away. She perfectly knows I'm in love with her. She's not mean as to want to intentionnally hurt someone. Either she didn't think of me at all and didn't realise it could hurt me. Or she wanted me to understand something. Both ways, I'm angry, and extremely sad, and don't know what to do. Should I talk to her about it ? (me not being fine at all after what she said, but she could get upset by my nosy attitude if it turns out her words didn't concern me). Should I really make another attempt at talking to her about feelings, considering I've already done this and she knows how I feel and it would be pointless to say it all again ? Should I try to find out whether she does have feelings for me too ? Or should I do… nothing at all. Try to forget her, painful as it is.
But why the ambiguity ? Or is it possible that it's all in my head ? I just don't know anymore.