HOW TO ASK YOUR PARTNERS EX HER SIDE OF THE STORY

You clearly don't trust him.

You don't need her side of things. She might even wonder why you're calling, if you do.

One missed phone call and a weird conversation with him, and you're jumping to this conclusion? Maybe he did see her. Maybe they talked. His behavior is odd but it doesn't necessarily implicate her at all.

Here's an idea. How about talking to him? Ask him what's on his mind? It might just be that he feels strange about the baby and tied down (I got news for him; he'll be paying support whether you two are together or not. He's already tied down). I don't know him so I have no idea what is in his head.

But you have access to that if you ask him. Not her.

What else do you need to know?

HER side of the story is that they are not finished with their relationship.

I have asked many times if he could tell me what happened that night. So it could help me move forward n prepare me n my babys future without stressing over what happened. He keeps getting really angry at me and saying that its not me its him, he has things to sort out n keeps telling me to piss off home. If we could sort this out then we could either have closure to our relationship or we could work on things. We are still together n he keeps going aboutour relationship like nothing has happened

question - you have been with him 2 years - is he working yet? You took him and his daughter in - but no mention he has been working since. I hope he is contributing and not just out drinking and partying. You say he is on benefit - does that mean he gets welfare or similar? If so, after 2 years - he should be working and not just sitting back collecting.

For your question - I do not think it is a good idea to talk to his ex. That was a different relationship. She is going to biased against him. You need to get to the bottom of what happened here. It is hard for me to make sense of it. I don't understand the part of trying to get back to the drinks...what the heck?

What you wrote doesn't make much sense. So I am definately implying stuff so if none of that is true - then maybe you are just confused.

If anything I am guessing above is true or close to the truth - I would kick his sorry butt out - you don't need a free loader, you need a man that takes responsibility. You are better off without another child which this is what freeloader appears to be, and raising your innocent child on your own - if he is what he sounds like then this would be better for the baby's sake.

"Well he told me why he was stranded because he slept with his ex."

Keeping this guy around for the baby's sake is a plan full of holes. He's a user of you and your caring and has been the whole time; whether or not he slept with her during all those visits, you do say he did this now. And he gets mad at you for inquiring?

I'd be pushing him out and seeking legal advice. Actually I'd seek the legal advice first (immediately) and kick him out with that guidance. Then I'd look into getting yourself some counselling to deal with the ride he has taken you on.

Yes i have been with him two years. When we met was at work, we were both working it was seasonal. When the season finished i had another job lined up and continued working but he didnt n went jumped on the benefit. He didnt get much because it was just him so i supported him in that financal area. He wanted his oldest daughter in his care so i helped make that happen and took them in, in my house. He stayed on the benefit and got more money from winz to support him and his daughter. So i only had to worry about working to pay the bills and keep food in our cupboards. He is 25. He has worked about 4 different part time jobs since we met (not including the one we met at) which they only lasted about 1 month each. He has a possible job he could be starting next week just waiting for a call back. Yes in the first year he drank alot, i joined for about this first 6 months then didnt see the point so i would stay home n watch a movie with his daughter instead. Or sober drive when she is at her mums.

I think i need to get to tge bottom aswell that is why we are still together so that i can figure this our for me n babys sake. Sorry i cut it short, i went to ring him up at the drinks to make sure he was okay because he caught a ride to the drinks and doesnt usually like staying over he likes coming home. It was around 11:30pm so i was checking incase he wanted a ride home if so to ring when hes ready. When he rung me back it was around 1:30am n he said his mum came to the drinks n needed to go home n his ex was his mums sober driver. He rekons she wouldnt leave so he went for a ride to drop her off. His mum wanted to stay at his exs house so he said they went there to drop her off n his ex just brung him back to the drinks. I asked why it took so long when his ex literally lives like a 1-2min drive away. He said his mum took the keys that they got stranded n he didnt wanna walk around at that time of night drunk. He said he had a ride home n he will ring me when he gets home n he loves me. I was staying at my dads that night because hes abit sick atm. So i went to work the next day, txt him later to see how he was feeling if he needed anything after work that i could bring something. He said he will come have lunch with me at worl whoch was cool. During lunch i was asking what was up because he was acting strange n he just kept saying he loved me n baby n hope we okay. I said yes we okay, having a good day then he left. Things were okay that night then he wouldnt talk to me or answer my calls the next day. I went to see if he was okay n he would answer with one word answers. We took his daughter to the park n talked while she played. He was bringing up stuff wed never had a problem with before and the point to his talk was he was trying to break up with me. I didnt understand because we had been making plans for our wedding at the beginning of the week. Im not the wedding type but i knew i wanted to when i met him. But now he just wanted to end things saying he never wants to hurt me. Im here all confused. So we agreed on a break. The next day i asked to talk because i just had no clue where this behaviour had come from. So i asked whats wrong, has something happened and he got really really angry n told me to go back to my dads. I just didnt understand. I said have you hurt me, have you done something to me. He said its all his problems ive done nothing wrong. He keeps repeating that, so i said are we able to work thru it and move on together, he said yes. I said did you cheat on me with your ex the other night? Do you want to be with her again or something? To just help me understand the situation. He said he doesnt love her, he loves me hes so sorry. He wont cheat on me again. And goes about the days, saying he loves me, hopes i wont leave he will do anything then acts like everythings back to normal. And im here hurting, miserable trying to get answers but dont want to fight and argue infront of his daughter out of respect. I am 21 btw

And about myself. I believe in loyalty to your partner. That cheating is not an option when in a relationship. I habe been cheated on in a previous relationship also and the feeling really sucks and would never ever want someone to feel that way or be the reason they are that way. I really dislike people that cheat, i just dont have it in me to do that. If i am with you, its you only. I am quite independent so i dont want to be a partner that stays at home while her man works. I like to provide for myself because i am capable. I like us both to work, both to do house chores. Both cook dinner kind of thing, either together or have turns. I really love kids. So i dont like to argue or fight in front of them. They dont deserve that. In this relationship i have never cheated, never thought to because i thought i had the one. I never forced him to work, thought he was old enough to sort that out himself. Never had time to keep worrying about that, im always working 40-48hr weeks. This child was not planned but not a disappointment either. Was shocked n scared at first but happy now its kicked in. i love kids so get to experience my own. Wether with or without babys dad

I dont see the need to roll more people up unto this. The facts are that you are willing to kick him out for certain things, I assume that you have told him what those things are, but you dont want to just yet. So you give warning statements and kick the ball back into his court. He will either comply with what it takes to stay with you or he wont. Something like " I dont know what happened and I am not going to press it, but I will leave you if I find out about any future cheating" should do the trick.

Yes i have just said that today. That if this happens again im gone, he has said he is willing to do whatever it takes but the thing is im sooooo scared to get hurt like this again. It truely sucks. I have no trust in him at all but i want to. Even though i dont know the full story, i still have a negative mind. I keep thinking what if it happens again. I do, well i think i do want to give us another go just for our babys sake to have both parents together. I just dont know so confused. Mixed feelings..

That is surprising because you sound pretty put together, like you have some sense of your inner strength. Do you also let the fear of a skinned knee doubt the choice to get on your bike? Ya, if it happens you will hurt for a bit, but you will be fine, and you know you will be fine. Life will go on.

Fear is very useful, but it costs you if you let it get out of hand.

Same lecture: do you only start things after you know 100% sure how they will turn out?

Life is messy. I suggest that you get used to this reality.

This sounds like a very uneven relationship. You don't need to get an ex's side of the story-it would no doubt be biased.

You sound very together and deserve someone who contributes as you do.

He sounds like he has used you, possibly has alcohol problems and then on top of it cheated on you.

You need to let him know what is expected of him, a job, paying his portion of the bills, loyalty, monogamy, and down the line helping with parenting. If he cannot or will not do that you can bring up your child by yourself, he can have visitation (supervised if he is alcoholic), and pay child support.

I know this is difficult but he needs to do his part and you need to expect that of him or any future partner.