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My married lover's wife just had a baby

 
 
Reply Tue 20 Oct, 2015 07:48 am
I've been seeing him for a year and a half, it's like a real relationship, we love each other and put work into it. We are both married and we have no intention of getting caught or leaving our spouses/children for each other. We are happy the way it is. He is happily married. My husband and I have had some serious problems but we are better now, however I am still considering divorce. He had an affair and it devastated and changed me completely. I had a revenge affair and when he found out, he made my life a living hell, so I once again turned to looking for someone else. This is after 20 years of being completely faithful and madly in love with my husband.

My lover's wife just gave birth to their second child. It has triggered panic attacks in me, horrible feelings have come back from the dark days after I found out about my husband.

He scammed that woman into marrying him, for his own convenience (he is a serial cheater and was cheating on her before they were married). Now she's given birth to another child, not knowing that her marriage is a sham, her life is a lie, she is sacrificing so much - for nothing. She deserves to have someone who truly loves her, but she is stuck now. I dread him contacting me. I hope that he at least gives her the courtesy of not looking for attention from his whore on the side (me), while she is physically unable to do the same right back to him (god I hope she cheats on him someday).

That is my rant. I will express that entire last paragraph to him, word for word, if he bothers me too soon.

I welcome your opinion, your judgement, criticism, whatever. Thank you for reading this.
 
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Tue 20 Oct, 2015 09:33 am
@allegedpsychopath,
You need counseling. Anyone who refers to themselves as a whore, and who is clearly engaging in self-destructive behavior, should go.

Find out why your self-esteem is in shreds. Figure out how to do right for yourself and at least for your husband. Even if you don't care anymore, you did at one point. You owe him either the truth or a chance to start afresh with someone else, and probably both.

Forget this other guy. He's an asshole. I am sorry about what is happening with his wife but that is their drama and you do not need to be a part of it.

As they say, not my circus, not my monkeys.

Kick this monkey to the curb.

PS That's an insult to monkeys everywhere. I offer humble simian apologies.
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allegedpsychopath
 
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Reply Tue 20 Oct, 2015 10:29 am
I fell so hard for him and I thought I would be able to handle my emotions when the baby came, but it brought my guilt to the surface and I'm sure I can't feel the same about him anymore. I can't compartmentalize and I can't justify it, knowing she will one day go through what I went through. I can't believe I didn't end it the moment I found out he was married. I want to do the right thing, and he is going to go crazy trying to keep me, but I don't even want to have the breakup talk. I just want to disappear from his life without a word. I've had the talk with him once before, anyway...but he sucked me back in. I don't want that to happen again. Is it ok to hurt him that way - by just disappearing?
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