I'm having a complicated affair. Please help.

This is the first thread that I've posted.. It's a hard step for me... admitting to the world the entirety of all I'm involved in. Even though it's private, it's tough.

I'll start by saying that I'm a 27 year old mother of two. My husband and I have been together for nearly ten years. Married now for 9 of those years. I met my husband while in high school.. Just two days after I had turned 18. He was 26. He swept me off my feet! Within a couple of months I had a huge rock on my finger, expensive gifts and a brand new car. Yes, I was in high school. We rushed into marriage because he was deploying to Iraq. We were married without 8 months of meeting one another. I know for sure i didn't love him for several years. I cheated on him so many times I can't bare to think of it anymore. My husband is a super super great guy. He doesn't meet a stranger, my friends are jealous of our marriage. He truly caters to my every want and need. He is extremely handsome, funny, loving. He gives me space, and is the best father that I've ever known. He would give his life for his family without a second thought. I've had the pleasure of staying home with my children for 8 years now. My friends recently described him as the "perfect" spouse. After a whirlwind of events through divorce in the last year.. She says she would do anything to have what I have. She used the word "unnatainable" to describe the type of man that he is. I'm absolutely not gloating. I appreciate him, and see him for all that he is. I constantly try to show love, and appreciation to him. With that being said, I've came to realize that he is simply not the person I'm meant to spend my life with. He is a wonderful person, aside from some poor choices made.. I am also a a good person. He and I are simply not compatible. Our personalities could not be more different.. He is laid back, unorganized, irresponsible, not dependable, weak. I am very much the opposite. I am tightly wound, an absolute perfectionist, and I am always one step ahead. I've voiced my concerns to him for many years. I've explained that without change we wouldn't make it. I made huge changes, I went to therapy and learned that I was a ******* nagger. Narcissistic, and hard to please. I've came a very very long way. However, little change from him.. Until very recently. Ironically around the time that my affair began. I've become very complacent, just over it. Not willing to voice concerns anymore to avoid arguments. My husband is a terrible communicator. I am very very moved by communication. My soul craves it. My husband has no depth. My depth is endless. I can't settle knowing that my husband is not my "person" I know the right thing to do is divorce him, because he is a gem.. And he deserves someone to appreciate that. I can't bare the thought of breaking his heart, and breaking the hearts of my children. I really cannot bare it. I love my husband, I do not know if I'm in love with him.
A few months ago I reconnected with someone I had a one night stand with.. That was about 7 years ago. Currently Justin is engaged to the mother of his two young daughters. They have been together for 8 years. Justin is 36, he is neglected to the fullest extent in his relationship. He is a lover, and is dying inside to be loved my his fiancé. He hasn't stated that exactly to me but it's apparent. We talked for a week or so catching up... I quickly was drawn to the openness in communication.. And all that we had in common as far as opinions, emotional cravings. Justin is a police officer.. On a whim one night I went to see him while he was on duty.. We had passionate sex in the passenger seat of my car. Since Justin and I started talking.. The only days we have not been in contact are when he is off work, at home with his family. We have met up several times. Feelings quickly developed on both ends (at least I thought) he would tell me how special and beautiful I am.. He would tell me he missed me and how much happiness I brought into his life. He used terms of endearment and the conversation! The conversations we had were phenomenal. Serious talks, long drawn out playful banter. I found myself constantly smiling. My 8 year old daughter asked me, Mom, why are you always smiling when on your phone? That was a bit of an awakening. Physically, I am 100% more attracted to my spouse. My husband is hot! But for some reason I don't even notice it anymore.. I haven't for a long time. Justin is attractive, but his soul I am drawn to. Justin made it clear to me from the get go what he wanted. He told me that he would absolutely never under any circumstances leave his fiancé, he was fine being 50% happy for the rest of his life.. That he had already suffered through a divorce, and wouldn't do it again. He refused to be away from his daughters. He told me that he wanted a "relationship" with me.. Not just sex that he craved passion too... But if it ever felt to be too much for me to let him know because he would never want to inflict pain. As time passed I could feel that he was also developing feelings (that he was ok showing at first, now not at all) I was in awe about the way he understood me. I am a unique person.. I don't know how to explain that.. But, I do not fee that many people "get" me. He was so very welcoming to my honesty with feelings and frustrations.. He would awknowledge and respond to every word I said. All of I sudden I realized that what I was lacking most in my marriage he was giving to me... I had NEVER had that before. I knew I was starting to fall in love. I told Justin, he answered in the best way he could. He told me it didn't change his feelings, but it was not reciprocated. He told me he wanted to continue but would respect my decision at any time to exit if I felt it was necessary. Here's where it gets interesting.. I felt it was necessary to give a lot of backstory to the situation to get a few for it all.
This past week Justin was about an hour and a half from my home training for a promotion in his department. He repeatedly made it clear that he wanted me to come at least spend one night with him. He stated that he wanted to take me on a date, converse over drinks, enjoy each other and experience a lot of intense sexual pleasures he had never had the opportunity to indulge it. I was bound and determined to make this happen.. And I can't put into words the excitement that I felt. I have bent over backwards for Justin since the start of our "relationship"... He has literally put forth zero effort. His excuse is that I have more freedom, and it's simply not possibly for him as she is always aware of what he is doing, money spent.. They work in the same department, she handles their payroll. He told me once that he wasn't sure if he loved her.. And that they never have sex. When he requests sex she will say something along the lines of "really Justin" he's endured a lot of neglect, and pain in relationships.
My effort to spend the night with Justin paid off... With absolutely zero effort on his part. I drove to see him, paid for the hotel, and spent time planning every second of our time together. I dressed sexy and dolled myself up. While waiting on him he stated his excitement and told me he couldn't wait for our date. He arrived we had dinner and some wonderful conversation. We had sex for a long period of time and then he asked me to lay my head on his chest and hold him. Things had went even better than expected. I turned over because I was hot.. This part gets very hard to explain.. As I've replaced this in my head 200 times and I'm stunned.. I can't wrap my head around it. I cannot recall dialogue.. But I must have said something that rubbed him the wrong way. I'm positive that whatever it was he took the wrong way. He jumped out of bed and told me that I was ******* crazy, and had just had a complete "personality switch" (this did NOT happen.. In no way shape or form) he said that he wasn't dealing with it and would leave. I was speechless... Shocked.. Hurt... How could he? After all the effort? Breaking my back to appease his every desire. Showing him affection, and being as attentive as I knew how to be. I was mortified. I told him that he could go ahead and leave if he wanted. This made his anger rise immensely.. He told me that I was either ******* deranged, or hiding something. WHAT? At this point I was uncontrollably crying. I don't like to show my emotions but I couldn't help it. Nobody had ever spoken to me that way. I had never been treated like that by a man. I had always been in a position that made men fall to their knees.. I'd never been on this side of the fence. The amount of anger I could see in his eyes frightened me. I had no idea this part of him existed. My head was spinning. I went to the restroom and tried to compose myself, unsuccessfully. I came back out, got dressed and sat across the room. He pulled a chair over by me, grabbed my hand and began softly apologizing to me. He went on and on.. And insinuated multiple times that he wanted to stay (he wouldn't just come out and say it) I refused to look at him or speak. I was distraught, shocked, and hurt. He told me that he did care about me, and at that point it should be clear. Why would he make the effort if he didn't care. That would be his ticket out of my life if he didn't care. Clearly, he is manipulative. By this point, I had already invested feelings, not knowing this side of him. We had been drinking, so I tried to place the blame on the alcohol. He left, and shortly later he sent me a drawn out message apologizing, and requesting that I forgive him. He again reiterated his feelings for me, but said he would understand if I could not accept his apology. I was short in reply and went to bed. I woke up the following morning to a text telling me to have a safe drive home. I was very quick to forgive, but wanted to talk about the situation. As soon as he realized I was on my way to forgiving him (this is still morning after) he started again talking to me in a condescending manner. He wanted me to move on and shut the hell up basically. Again, shocked with the effort I had put forth that he didn't even want to talk. Was this the same man that had been so attentive to my every emotion just a few days before. He went on to say that regardless of turnout he had one of the best nights of his life (aside from this "incident") and he would forever hold that memory with me in his heart. The night that all of this happened was 6 days ago. He has not been the same person since. He is pretty passive with me.. Those terms of endearment are gone. We have had little playful interaction.. Mostly bickering. It's killing me.. I want it back. I don't understand. I walk on eggshells with him now. I tried to call him one evening about 4 days ago and gently explain my feelings.. He was short, and said he didn't understand. He patronized me and asked if I fee that way about him, why I continue to Lee him in my life. This is a different person than I knew just a week before. I couldn't wrap my head around it. We mutually decided that it wasn't working, and called it quits. Thursday evening (two days ago) I ended up driving back to his training site and again paid for a hotel room. This time I sat and waited on him for nearly two hours for him. He arrived and I could feel his attraction to me, I coul see it in his eyes. He smiled with such love and we kissed for what seemed like forever and made love. He smelled my hair and rubbed my fave before planting a kiss on my forehead. We laid in bed and he held my hand and asked me to hold him. I had just traveled am hour and a half, waited on him to arrive for an hour and a half at least.. Spent about an hour with him and he was asleep. I sat there feeling guilty that my husband was so trusting, and pushed me to go do as I pleased because he knew that I was stressed and needed time to myself. I felt so low that I put so much effort into this and he made me wait, and was then asleep. I told him I was leaving and he asked for me to stay and hold him.. I wanted to, but at that point I decided I wasn't going to give him the benefit any longer. We kissed and I left. The following day he told me he had enjoyed our time.. We chatted a little. The feel of this relationship had a much different feel. I am incredibly sad, obsessively think about this, about him. I dream about him, wake up thinking about him.. Wait on him to contact me.. Just for letdown. He will contact me.. And has been a little more playful and flirtatious. He referred to me as "his girl" during conversation yesterday.
I am highly desired by men, a lot of men. I refuse to give these men a second of me time.. Their blatant interest bores me. I find myself wanting Justin even more since he started treating me poorly.
Can someone please try to explain this situation to me? What is up with this guy? Does he actually care for me in some kind of fucked up way? Why am I attracted to this behavior when I am married to the man that women dream of? How can I turn the table with Justin, or get out of the situation? I am a very strong, and dominant female. I am not that way with Justin. I feel weak, and bad about myself. He knows this, and is utterly annoyed by my choice to voice it. How could someone that's been through what he has been through regarding relationships, be so cold to the person who's showing him the love he claimed to want? I'm begging to not be judged, as I am fully aware of the damage I am inflicting on my sweet husband, and myself. I truly need advice. If judging is necessary, so be it. I just need to work these feelings out and get ahold of myself.