Don't know what to do

Are you really bi, or are you just submitting to her suggestion?

I suspect a lot of this is more fallout from the affair than anything else.

I suggest counseling to you. Together if she'll go, or alone if she won't. Get some tools for dealing with the affair and how it has affected your marriage. Talk to an impartial third-party professional about whether you want to stay married (some marriages recover; others don't). Talk about your sexuality, too. Maybe you are bi or gay, but that's for you to know and decide and understand, and not your wife to plant the seed!

The whole idea of her hanging around until you come out is one of the weirder threats to leave I've seen on here. She's kind of locking you into a rock/hard place situation, where she pushes you to come out and has also told you she'll bail when you do.

Yeah, counseling. Talk about why this is a raw deal, too.