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Fri 23 Jul, 2004 03:54 am
I met this guy on the internet last year in march 2003. We had a one night stand. Then we went our separate way. A whole year went buy and the day after valentine day this year 2004, he found me again on the internet, and stated "If You Give Me Another Chance, I Promise To Do Things Right" So I gave him a chance and we have been dating since February 15, 2004.
We've went to so many places, together. However, the problem with us is he has a son who is seven years old. He is a BTO officer, and he might get one day off a week or two. Which is when he spends time with me and everytime it's with his son. I might be fortunate enough to confiscate a day of quality time once in a blue moon. I would do every thing for him, budget his bills, cook, and clean his house, wash and iron his clothes and sometimes his sons clothes.
He has been acting strange lately, and on his IM friends list it's over 89 other women listed. He says that is from time on the net meeting friends.
Anyway Tuesday he called me and said he is picking me up wednesday after work and we are going to the movies after he picks up his son. He said after the movie I could spend the night but he has to mine his ex-girlfriend sister son as well and he is two years old. He normally keeps his ex-sister, and brother child as they do his sometime. But whenever he has them and he is with me he goes to sleep and leave me tending to the children who are not mine.
So I told him in a text message on my phone that I am not going to the movies and that he can spend both his days with his ex-sister child and his child. By the way his ex- is gay after she had his child she left him. Then I got even more steamed and sent another text message, saying you always have time for whatever your ex needs, her sister needs, and her brother needs, as well as there aunt needs, but never anytime for what I need. He hasn't called me since Tuesday, nor have I called him.
I feel like he is sneaking around anyway............using his son as an excuse to get away.
He has expressed much love for me, and we have exchanged apartment keys, and I have keys to his car.
I am just so confused right now, and I feel that the best thing to do is if you let something go, and it returns to you it was meant to be!
If it doesn't it was not meant to be...................
I have decided not to call, write, send email, all I am doing is going to work and I am about to go to two parties this weekend with my girlfriends. I will not stay home a hope and pray he calls.
Thanks for listening
Let's see.. You have a key to his place and you clean, iron and cook when you are there. How long have you been a maid? Was it your career of choice?
(Not trying to be too flippant but your post mentions nothing about any emotitional component to this relationship other than a few "he said.." comments. He doesn't seem to be "doing" anything though.)
He has done what most men do, take you out to the movies, dinners, skating, shared movies together, got my hair & nails done, paid "a" bill for me...............and let me drive and hold his car when I want it. I don't know what it is I'm feeling, but I feel he is dating other women.
Playing second fiddle-to a child is necessary. Children have first call on parental time and attention. Playing second fiddle to an Ex and her extended family is something else.
This may be a nice guy--but his lifestyle and priorities do not fit with your lifestyle and priorities. There may or may not be other women in the picture, but there is not the future you deserve.
Let him do some serious thinking--and leave him alone while he does so. Or leave him alone forever.
Good luck.
Sounds like your head is in the right place. Hold your ground. If you suspect he's seeing other people, the odds are that he is.
Good luck to you.
This guy is enjoying a lot of benefits from you - ironing, cleaning and free child care, to name a few. So he lets you borrow his car and has paid a bill for you. Big freakin' deal. Sorry if that's not nice, but I'm with fishin' - he's treating you more like an employee than like a person he values and loves. Move on before you get more emotionally entangled. He can carry his baggage all by himself.
Dump him. Now.
He's using you.
If this is his idea of "doing things right," he's wrong.
WELL EVERYONE HE DUMPED ME TONIGHT
He didn't even call me to dump me, he sent an email and here is what he wrote!
[/B]I AM SO SORRY BUT THIS RELATIONSHIP MUST COME TO AN END. IT IS TOO PAINFUL FOR ME TO CONTINUE IN. SO LET'S MAKE ARRANGEMENTS TO EXCHANGE OUR BELONGINGS EITHER THIS SATURDAY OR SUNDAY MORNING
My return response was anger! So here is what I wrote:
Look Donald, you should have not came back when we had that arguement at the south street seaport when you was running to see that other women you are ending this relationship for.
It's all good!
Because, I was thinking of doing the same thing to you, but you only did it first. Let me congratulate you for being the first one to end the relationship AGAIN. It was good while it lasted.
However, I don't want to see YOU at my door for anything ever again...... As far as arrangements are concerned, you can pick your stuff up on sunday at 11am. I have a previous engagement to attend. SO DON'T BE LATE!
I will leave your bag at the front porch WHEN I KNOW YOU ARE HERE.
You can put my keys in the mailbox, and burn the clothes that I left at your house.
I don't want them. Keep the ring, the watch, and the necklace....God knows you deserved it for all of your hard work at being a professional ******* liar.
I wish you the best, and before I leave out of this relationship silently, I just want to say you were never a real man, and I knew it but I chose not to listen to my heart.
No response is necessary,
Whoof!
Good goin', you're well on your way to being completely free of the whole mess.
Bravo!!! Good girl!!! I'm impressed ;-)
Good goin'! I'm given out beer tonight, so here's one for you!
Bravo!
and I especially like the part about burning the clothes you left at his place...nice touch!
Now go buy yourself something new!
Any Suggestions
How do I get past all this without feeling like I was dumped!
Re: Any Suggestions
dreamyeyes93 wrote:How do I get past all this without feeling like I was dumped!
You just chalk it up to experience.
and move on with what you've learned. Soon, you'll find someone else and you'll forget all about this guy.
That's about all I can tell ya.
wow, listen to me...I'm still trying to get over a nasty breakup from 4 weeks ago 
but it gets easier as the days go by.
Having a complicated past is one way to become a fascinating person.
You not only had a complicated situation--you got out of it with style. Your on your want to fascination and the men in your area better start quivering with anticipation.
Came and Picked up his Stuff Today
Well it is really over, I don't know what I was thinking but I thought when he came to get his belongings that he would beg for forgiveness. He came with an attitude, and he was making it seem like it was my fault. Before he came he sent me this long worn out letter below:
This decision of mine to end the relationship was not based on a whim. I became aware that no matter how well we were doing you would always say something to sabotage the goodtimes. I wanted to spend both Wednesday and Thursday with you but you know that I had a commitment to take care of Maxines baby on Wednesday after 8PM. Up til then I had planned that we rent a movie. You told me that you didn't want to spend anytime with an infant. I told you that I understood and that we could spend Thursday together just you and I. That's when you sent me that nasty message that I should spend that whole 2 days with the true priorities of my life: Maxines family, Rubens family, and Friedas family. This made me furious. I knew then that no matter how well we were doing that just like before if things were'nt going exactly the way you want, you would sabotage the relationship and say something to try and make me feel bad about myself.
You say that if I hadn't made this decision that you would have because the feeling is mutual, you have met someone "too", and that your life wasn't going anywhere with me. Then you should feel relieved, happy about meeting someone you feel is more compatible, and optimistic about your future. Surely there should'nt be all this hatred and venom directed at me. I don't feel as if I used you. Whatever you volunteerily did for me to advance my financial situation (and you know that this had nothing to do with borrowing money) was done from your heart and was grately and deeply appreciated by me. You say you've destroyed my budget. I bought that booklet! It was my property. Just give me my receipts. This is not just like before as you suggested. I really, really, tried to hang in there. It just didn't work out. God give me the serenity....................
Because of the intensity of your hatred I actually fear for my safety when picking up my belongings. You sound dangerous. But I will take that chance.
I sincerely, sincerely, sincerely am so sorry that you are hurting so much that you've chosen to hate me for it. But I cannot be made to feel guilty about a decision I made in what I feel is my own best interest. Hopefully, with time, you will lose the desire to hurt me and move on with your life. I'll be at your back door at 11AM Sunday.
I started to cry but I held back my tears, and I was thanking that I had just came from having an early morning breakfast with someone else who stepped right when he was leaving, and he is saying he wants to make me forget my Ex.
dreamyeyes--
You are lucky to be shut of this guy. I've rarely seen so much Rampant Ego in a single e mail.
If he's your past, Single Again is a good place to be.
Enjoy the single life, Noddy is right!
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