Both Married.. Great Sex.. Need a Man's input

Possibly he's thinking of the wife he's happily married to, and whether he's willing to trade that for good sex with a married woman. I mean, he may be looking at possible futures, both at home and elsewhere.

A) he is not that into you

b) this fuckbuddy relationship means less to him that it does to you

c) he does not want you to later blame him for what you decided to do


"so that he might possibly" you mean, as it is by no means a sure thing that he would.

The main problem here is that he is thinking sex, and you are thinking relationship. If you two dont get on the same page fast you will not sleep with him at all anymore. Hopefully at this point you dont become the psycho bitch that all men fear. There is reason to be concerned about this from what I have heard so far.

Thank you for the input. It's not a relationship that I'm looking for.. Because were both married and that would be impossible. Neither one of us is looking to get out of our marriage. I guess I am just wanting some initiation from him instead of me always being the aggressor. And that way I would know that we were on the same page. Being a stalker or psycho is what I'm trying to avoid. Because that's not who I am. I guess it's just one of those things where it's like an addiction. I am wanting it more and more, but I'm not quite sure if he does. I i'm almost afraid that if we do actually talk about it, it might change the dynamic that we currently have. So I kind of feel like my hands are tied.

Thank you for the input. The issue that I am having, is that I feel no guilt with what I am doing. As horrible as that sounds, I don't. So the last thing I want to do is to create an emotional conflict in his mind. I want him to open up to me, but I don't know how to go about asking him. I would rather him be honest with me and say that he's having issues with our sexual relationship and end it.. versus having it change day by day because it's messing with my mind.

Are you sure that he believes that you dont want relationship, and that you will not become a psycho bitch? You do know that for generations good men would not pursue married women, that they let married women come to them, right? Maybe this guy is old school. In any case he has your answers, we dont.

Most likely, but then again here you are telling us that you want it to change so what is your point?

No, you have two choices, take what you have and dont pressure him the change, or try to talk to him and get him to provide more of what you want, in which case the possibility exists that you lose him. Then again if you dont talk to him you might lose him anyways if you are not both on the same page. Your hands are not tied, this is regular life, you either put yourself out there and go after what you want knowing full well that you might fall on your ass or else you take what is offered and make the best of it. You have to decide for yourself, but as a general rule I advocate for figuring out what you want and then going after it. You are almost 35 right? Kinda late but this would still be a great time to start to try to get what you want. This does not mean that you need a divorce, though that might be true.

Excuse me, do you think this is 'letters to Penthouse'? It's not. Some folks wonder into this site assuming this is a infidelity or swingers site, that's unfortunate. If you are not interested in leaving your husband, why is it important for you to want this other man to be pursuing you. You should worry less about you ego and more about your dignity and your marriage.

You know what you're right. If it's something that I want, then I need to go for it. So I will continue to pursue in a nonthreatening way. And if it gets to be too much for him then he will ultimately let me know. And I am prepared for that because I don't know what his situation is like at home. Things like this don't typically last . So I guess I just have to get it while it's good, right? The only difficult part of this, is that when it does end, we have to continue to be coworkers.

I thought this was a safe place that people could come to ask for advice about real life situations. I was not soliciting any negativity, and for you to assume that you know anything about my marriage is preposterous .. You know nothing about my life and what I have been through so I would appreciate if you didn't respond to something that you know nothing about

This is a safe place, just not a place where people will lie to make you feel better about your actions. You said he is happily married but apparently he cannot refuse an offer of sex with no strings. You said he makes no effort to engage you, and intimacy only occurs when you initiate. Honestly, what do you think is really going on.

You said he is more happily married than you, and yet you don't want to leave your husband. You are also gambling that your husband won't lose respect for you. I don't have to know everything about you to say you are playing with fire. Something else to consider, do you think other people in your workplace haven't noticed what's going on? They might not know everything, but they probably have noticed you are mooning around trying to get this guys attention.

If you get honest with yourself, you know this is an infatuation, What I'm trying to tell you is that actions have consequences, don't let this temporary affair sully your reputation. It's obvious you think I don't understand your situation, but I'm telling you I've seen situations like this in the work place since Christ was a corporal. If things go south you will not come out smelling like roses. I can't make you care about how you might be perceived, or about how you could be compromised, I'm just trying to tell you the minuses could be greater than the pluses, please take care, I don't see this ending well for you.

This is the Internet and you get a wide range of responses from trolls to those who want to help. I sounds like you found both.

Real-life situations on A2K often get real-life answers, and if people have certain feelings about what you wrote, they will express them. What if Adolf Hitler posted on here and wrote "I have been killing Jews for a while, and I don't feel guilty about it, it makes me feel so good!" and people replied saying "You bastard, you should stop this right now!" and he came back and said "Boo-hoo! I wasn't soliciting any negativity" then I would say "Too bad, negativity is what you're gonna get for your lack of conscience!"

Why don't you ask your husband what you should do? He may have some good insight and suggestions. My guess is that this guy is getting his ego stroked (among other things) by having you chase him and simply is going with the flow. He is happy at home, so why chase you when you seem so intent on chasing him. In other words he could take you or leave you.

Personally, I hope your husband and his wife both find out that they are living with a couple of shits and kick you both out. But that's just me. I tend to have a very low opinion of those who think it is justifiable to betray someone they vowed to be faithful to.

Here, here!

Well, I'm not going to pass judgement on this whole scenario, even if I have strong feelings about what you are doing . . .

It seems that you have found mind blowing sex with a partner who does not have the same sex drive as you do. This will only get worse in the future, since he prefers you to be the aggressor. (Could that be the problem in his marriage?)

My suggestion is to find another partner who is more your pace.

Well, I got voted down to zero for my post mentioning Hitler, and now it's back up to 1 again, so somebody must agree with me!

This obsession you have with your demand that other people organize their intimate relationships as you like yours has got to go. If the researchers are right that 60% of people cheat at least once in their lives then there are a whole lot of people walking around who you need to hate according to your code.

I dont need to like your favorite kind of ice cream the best either.

Hawk, frankly, I don't care how someone organizes their sex life. What I do believe is that when two people make a promise, they should stick to it. If she wants to sleep with someone and her husband is ok with it, then I have no issue. (Well, I do, but that is my morality and I would never try to push that on anyone else.)

If you get to repeatedly give basically the same advice on here for questions that are similar, then why can I not do the same? Sorry if my advice or my belief about what is right and wrong offends you so that you feel the need to tell me my thoughts have "got to go." I disagree with advice you give and thoughts you express, but I would never tell you that your thoughts have to go.

If my thoughts and opinions offend you, please feel free to ignore me. But if people continue to ask for opinions/advice about situations where one spouse is cheating on another or with the spouse of another, I will continue to show my disgust for their belief that it is perfectly normal.

I don't hate anybody. I don't hate the individual who started this thread. I do not know her, so I cannot hate her. I believe her actions re cheating on her husband with another woman's husband are despicable and expressed that belief in a strong manner. So your above comment is silly and means nothing to me.

Never asked you to do so. In fact, never asked anyone to do so. But I am certainly allowed to talk about how great is my favorite ice cream.

@all the bashers,

This from the opening post. I don't know why the OP isn't happily married. For all I know, he beats her, or he cheats on her himself. I don't know, and I don't want to know, because asking would be akin to saying she should post her private business online for all to see.

I will just assume she is not happily married, as stated, and is looking for a diversion, since she stated she is not seeking for a way out. Again, I don't know why. Perhaps she is a gold digger. Perhaps it's something entirely different (familial obligations or pressure). Perhaps she wants to stay with him because of children. I don't have enough information to tell what is the scenario here, so why pass moral judgment?

She also said she feels no guilt. That either means she is a psychopath in so far as she feels she is not responsible for the consequences of her own actions(and kudos for comparing marital infidelity to the mass murder of jews!), or she feels that any sense of guilt she might have over this situation is balanced out by the behavior of the party she should feel guilty for...
Again I don't know enough to know which, but my gut tells me it's probably more of the latter.

@OP


It could be a form of powerplay. There are men out there who like the idea of having a woman solicit them for sex. It might even make him put all his efforts into the sex, hoping it will make you come back for more. If that is indeed the case, so far, it seems to be working.

Both Married.. Great Sex.. Need a Man's input

seems to me your getting at least one man's input, two if your still having sex with your husband

don't be greedy