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bi boyfriend

 
 
chloex
 
Reply Thu 24 Sep, 2015 09:48 am
Bi boyfriend
I’m unbelievably in love and all that
the thing is he’s bisexual, i said at the start that i don’t have a problem with it at all
the thing is sometimes he makes me really really cringe when he talks about past relationships he’s had because i get insecure, especially some of the stuff he’s done with men
i’m not homophobic, its just that I’m in a relationship with him and what i look for in a relationship is masculinity and when he talks about how camp he used to be and stuff he’s done, it makes me feel really uncomfortable. i love him so much but sometimes i worry he can’t look after me, he can be a bit of a wimp and unthoughtful, i sometimes feel like i’m the masculine one in the relationship and i hate that. on the other hand he is the nicest and most caring person i’ve ever met and makes me happy and feel good about myself
lgbt issues and his past are really important to him, i don’t want him to feel he can’t be completely himself around me, what do i tell him and what do i do
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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 943 • Replies: 11

 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Thu 24 Sep, 2015 10:39 am
@chloex,
'what do i tell him?"
When he starts these "stories" about the past, say - gently - "Honey, let's not talk about the past. Let's move forward and make this about us."

"what do i do?"
Is he an attention freak? He certainly gets your attention by telling you tales of his past loves. He really does sound immature. Do you see him maturing any? If he insists on living in the past, that should tell you something.

chloex
 
  1  
Reply Thu 24 Sep, 2015 10:58 am
@PUNKEY,
the thing is we are both quite young, and i don't think he realises he's making me uncomfortable, its very rare he mentions much but when he does it gets to me

I will be more honest about what makes me uncomfortable in the future, its just we talk about anything and everything i don't want him to feel he has to hide stuff, but then again I'm probably saying that because I'm in love and I'm valuing his feelings before mine.
0 Replies
 
Date2Relate
 
  1  
Reply Thu 24 Sep, 2015 11:00 am
@chloex,
If this is really an issue for you, you need to talk to him. As you've said, you knew going in that he was bi. This factor will come up again and again. Remember: men provide something for him that you, as a woman, can't. It's not about you, or anything you're missing. It's just the way it is. You either accept it, or you don't.
chloex
 
  1  
Reply Thu 24 Sep, 2015 11:10 am
@Date2Relate,
i don't like you're view of bisexuality because it scares the hell out of me. I've actually said to him before that I'm scared that guys can give you something i can't, he said that that wasn't at all true, that he love my body and me and thats all he wants. the issue is partly my issue with his past and my imagination, and party how he's not providing the thing for me that i need, to feel protected and controlled and i seem to be doing that for him.
there are thousands of positive aspects to our relationship too like how happy he makes me, how he's my first love, the confidence he''s given me, i think the good out way the bad on this one
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Thu 24 Sep, 2015 11:11 am
@Date2Relate,
Good advice.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Thu 24 Sep, 2015 11:14 am
@chloex,
chloex wrote:

i don't like you're view of bisexuality because it scares the hell out of me.


it's a reality. He is bisexual. He is attracted to men and women. You are only one of those things.

___

A separate issue is your apparent need to have a man take care of you. That doesn't seem to be how he sees his role in your relationship.

It might be useful to have a few sessions of couples counselling to help both of you talk about these things and sort them out a bit.
chloex
 
  1  
Reply Thu 24 Sep, 2015 11:33 am
@ehBeth,
since this freaked me out a bit i just messaged him on Facebook for reassurance.
i said: i heard something and am freaking out hat boys can give you something i can't
he said:
thats the most bullshit I've ever heard
you give me everything i want and need
i love you

so I'm going trust him and disagree with you, i think gender preferences for bisexuals is no more than hair colour for straight people

now I'm starting to think maybe i have a fucked up relationship ideals
why does it have to be man dominant woman submissive, i don't need a man to look after me, i just need someone that loves me and that i love
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Thu 24 Sep, 2015 11:40 am
@chloex,
chloex wrote:
i think gender preferences for bisexuals is no more than hair colour for straight people


you probably need to do some research on that
chloex
 
  1  
Reply Thu 24 Sep, 2015 12:31 pm
@ehBeth,
bisexuals don't strive to be with both gender at once, they just look for someone that fits them, even if that was the case i'm quite masculine anyways, and sex is definitely not a problem in our relationship
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Thu 24 Sep, 2015 12:36 pm
@chloex,
I recommend more education on the subject.
chloex
 
  0  
Reply Thu 24 Sep, 2015 12:39 pm
@ehBeth,
what education do u have on it exactly?? I'm the one thats sexually attracted to both sexes and dating a pansexual
0 Replies
 
 

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