My wife has little interest in our marriage.

Agreed.

I think it would be good it Briarwizard would give us a link to the last thead on his marriage, so people are up to speed with background on it.

Here's the first thread I started here:
http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=28328

I had some good, constructive talks with my wife. There was something ELSE bothering her that caused her to blow up that morning. I also got a list of marriage therapists that our on our health plan.

If the both of you agree to go to therapist, there is definitly hope for your marriage. I hope that this works out for you. Fight for what you want and believe in.

And remember that the best part about marriage is not always about the good times. It is about getting through the bad times together so that you can truly appreciate the good ones. We cannot appreciate true happiness without knowing sadness.

My wife has little interest in our marriage
In reading your past troubles, it seems as though she has no respect for your feelings at all. I know they say love is blind, but there are definetly times when you wish you could just take the blindfold off at the beginning before you find out what is going to happen in the end. You are 2 totally different people and she seems to be very focused on herself and not the family. She still hasn't grown up yet and I hope that she realizes how special you are because family and marriage are so important.

Im sorry everyone, but in reading the past posts I see the same problem. Wizard, you sound like you are not able to stand up for yourself and that you are trying the ' pity me ' route with your wife. It isnt working. Try something else.. like brutal honesty. You cant stand with out a backbone, so get one. Tell her enough is enough and promise her that your behavior will change too. Every behavior in a relationship has cause and effect. If you are continuesly approaching her in the same way, then the effect of that action is to get what you have always gotten.. wich seems like nowhere.
Change your approach , change your behavior and she will have to respond diffrently.
good luck

hi wizard,
seems like u feel exactly the way i do. my hubby purchased the book 'men are from mars women are from venus' parts 1 & 2... but i read the entire part 1 while he hasnt so much as looked beyond chapter 3... i used to feel that i care way more about the marriage than he does... we tried talking, but it usually ende up in a fight or accusations against each other... i finally decided to not bother talking and just do my own thing... but that bothered him...
finally, 5 days back, we made a deal... he can work late and i will be understanding, and he will not criticize me... both of us will accept equal responsibility for not fighting... but u know what? this just prevents us from fighting or discussing things, not from being a happy couple... or even a team... i do wish there was a way
i tried couples counseling, but it did not help much... we also tried individual therapy, but i really don't understand shrinks... i mean they just expect u to talk till your time is up!!
i still feel that he does not do anything about our relationship, and so i need to focus on other things that make me feel good about myself... i do wish i could do something about it... besides just talking

Your know briarwizard.
After reading yr earlier history it sounds like she is struggling seriously with depression, the fact that she doesn't see u're feelings and "retreats" to do other things like touching up photos is the kind of self-centrered-ness (not meant in a bad way) that can come from not being happy with things as they are. And I think you are right that she's not putting the marriage as a priority. mainly beacuse she has to sort out herself first.

it's very hard to see past the pain yr already feeling to the pain yr causing others.

I know exactly what you mean. Your marriage is calmer and more civil, but you end up feeling lonely and abandoned. More like you're living with a roomate than a spouse.

Then keep trying new psychologists. I've been to the kind you describe and they're no better than spilling your guts to a bartender. You get nowhere.

I'm lucky that I finally found a psychologist who listens and talks. She always gives sound, objective advice. It took a while before I got the courage to heed her advice, but when I do, it usually helps.

I suggest you read "The Five Languages of Love", (I picked it up for around $10 on Amazon.com). There are strategies there for people who's spouses won't work on the relationship. He uses analogies based on the teachings of Jesus to show how you can take control and by demonstrating your love for your spouse, sometimes your spouse will 'wake up' and start participating in the marriage with you.

I'm not the least bit religious, but you don't have to be to understand the book. The ideas are presented in a very human way, so that anyone of any religious background can gain insight.

Nice observations, Nathor.

hi briarwizard,
honestly, i have tried a couple of shrinks, and did not really find anybody i could speak to without feeling that i am paying for nothing at all... anyways i just need to stop taking anti-depressants and thats why i am going to my current one... i dont like to depend on medicines.
will pick up the book u mentioned...
the worst thing is when i ask him if he wants to continue with the r'ship or not, his answer is yes, and yet his actions speak otherwise... unless i stop speaking to him, he will not do anything...
i do feel so lonely that i have even considered having an affair... after a point ones moralities just break down and one is willing to consider crossing boundaries
anyway, hope things work out for u...

I've been there. When I talk about splitting up I get a similar response. "I want to stay together, I promise I'll work on it!"

But nothing REAL ever happens.

And I've been there too. My first post on this forum was about that issue. I haven't had an affair, but sometimes I get so lonely I wish I would.