@ranin,
From the sounds of it there seems to be a psychological inhibition. From what I am taking:
1.) You are sexually attracted to men, but not (entirely) with women.
2.) Emotionally you have experienced connections with both
3.) You are naturally inclined to exploring more with men, but you stop at the hint of potential sex.
I can relate to this entire post. I grew up in a very masculine charged environment to the point where "gay bashing" slurs and terms came out of my mouth. I always knew since I was 5 I was attracted to men, but before I found myself struggling with my sexuality, I never really gave it a thought and spent a portion of my youth putting myself through my own "conversion therapy" simply to feel "normal."
Through this, I did find myself growing deeper feelings for women. A handful actually. My first crushes were in elementary school were girls and onward until I was 16 and I could no longer contain my budding sexual drive inclined towards men. I struggled through these confusing emotions as I secretly knew I was more attracted to men, but couldn't help the deeper connections i felt with the girls I had found myself crushing on. I wanted to explore my attractions to women more but I found myself where you are, in that i can honestly say that I have found myself emotionally falling for women, but have never admitted it to them or explored it any further than random bouts of passionately making out with them as i feared what may happen in the future knowing that I was also attracted to men.
I would also meet my first boyfriend at this age. I remember the first time kissing him I felt disgusted in myself, but inversely, happy. I remember the first time we explored intimacy, i felt disgusted in myself, but inversely, happy. For a long time, I couldn't stomach looking at myself holding him in front of a mirror, which was actually something we both shared. That all of these things felt right, but we couldn't stand the physical sight of us being "gay." Eventually, I let go of all of these feelings of disgust, held my breath and followed where my heart wanted to go.
For me, the psychological inhibition was that I was raised not in an "oppressive" environment exactly, especially since I do not come off as a gay man and flew under the radar for most of my years, even to this day (i'm 27), but more so because i was raised by a hyper masculine charged environment in school, family, friends, etc. I'd meet gay and lesbian people of course, but i was never raised to judge or condemn anyone, so their presence in my life just was. But since I had spent more time around "the boys" focused between sports, fighting, and "getting b*es," being gay was never really talked about. And when it was, it was shut down as something that made you lesser and emasculated you, which for most men is much more traumatizing than we care to admit. These experiences inspire a lot of the "self hate" amongst most of the LGBT community and pushes us to question so much of what we believe in ourselves as we get our feet wet in our self explorations of sexuality.
After going through my own rounds of evolution through many facets of life, removing myself early from oppressive environments and the darker sides of religion, I found acceptance in my homosexuality and am now an out and proud gay man.
What you choose to identify as, is up to you in the long run. No one can make you happy but yourself. And keeping yourself from exploring these seemingly natural desires for men in fear/inhibition of "going all the way," or exploring the same with women in fear/inhibition of "what you may become," hinders you from finding the happiness through self acceptance that we all deserve. It's a long road to find yourself in. Sometimes, I still find myself asking the questions you are asking in this message to this day. I still find myself having feelings for women, and some occasions even being turned on by them. But being honest with myself, I enjoy the company of men much more and see myself happier with a man in the long run of things.
I hope this helps. Best always.