Am I wrong to change my mind??

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So I have been in a relationship with my husband for 11 years. For 5 of those years his family lived with us and it was hell for me. A few months ago his mother was going through some issues with her husband and she wanted to come stay with us for an uncertain period of time. I initially agreed because in my heart I wanted to help her. But I was going through my own issues. I was depressed and considering suicide. I told my husband that it was not a good idea for his mom to come stay with us at that point. I didn't go into detail I just told him I changed my mind. Eventually I told him all about my depression. But he did not care what I felt or had to say. He said everything regarding his mom was already in motion and I could not change my mind no matter what the situation was. He told me he would never forgive me for this situation. I just want to know if I was so wrong to change my mind.

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Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 1,065 • Replies: 8

[+3] - engineer - 09/04/2015Revising your decision based on further consideration or new information is completely normal. Some of that information is the impact changing your mind would have on others, but handling your...

@LadyB,

Given that your very life could be on the line from your posting and at the very least your mental and emotional health saying hell no is fine no matter what your husband opinion might be.

You might also remind him that his first obligation is to you not his mother.

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@LadyB,

I'll be brief. Pls state whether or not you're in counseling. If not, why not? This is not just some mild depression. This is a very serious issue.

You need first to take your own needs seriously. There may be a history of your not taking care of your own needs and the same may be true of your hubby (of you).

On the surface of what you write about your hubby's comments, he isn't taking your situation or needs seriously.

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@LadyB,

Revising your decision based on further consideration or new information is completely normal. Some of that information is the impact changing your mind would have on others, but handling your health issues would trump that easily. Your husband sounds like an ass.

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It's too bad that you have not been able to share with your own husband about your depression and thoughts of suicide. That may indicate something about your marriage.

So your change" of mind probably came as a shock to him and not understandable. How was he to know? He's not a mind-reader!

Your husband's obligation is to YOU, but you must let him what your needs are. Don't bring anyone into your home that gives you stress.

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@LadyB,

You're not wrong to change your mind, though doing so on such an important issue may have come across as an attempt at manipulation.

As the others have said - your welfare comes first. It's time to stand up for your needs, and it's also time to seek some help for your mental health - and perhaps the health of your marriage as well...though both may depend on what country you live in, and the last may depend on the culture.

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@LadyB,

It is really tough for me to tell you whether you are right or wrong. Maybe, in your position I did the same thing and repented like you. Despite of that, I will advice you that, don't lose your patience. We often lose temper because of lack of patience. It could be difficult but not impossible. Please take care and best of luck.

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@LadyB,

You were only wrong marrying him. Everything else is moot. This guy is not an adult regardless of his age and he's still alittle boy needing to be with him mother. Get a divorce and find a grown up to live with and who'll help you grow as a person problems n all, not one who makes you his second priority after his mommy.

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@HesDeltanCaptain,

Quote:

You were only wrong marrying him. Everything else is moot. This guy is not an adult regardless of his age and he's still alittle boy needing to be with him mother.

You are a nut case as there is nothing wrong with wishing to help out a family member even when that family member is your mother!!!!!!!!!

But as I posted before the husband first obligation is to his wife not his mother when the two needs come into conflict.

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Am I wrong to change my mind??

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