husband google searching ex-girlfriends

Why is it I tried googliing people I know, and nothing pulls up?

bcos they're not cool e-nuff 2B on the net...

I Scottish friend, I haven't seen for 20 years, is dean of a university law faculty, a girl friend PR-manager at Hyatt's, a former student apprentice (she was soooooo nice :wink: ) leads a motorcycle group (kind of 'civilzed Hell's Angels'), ... ....

Are you remembering to put the name in quotation marks?

I think, in regards to the original post, that it is perfectly natural to use search engines for such things. If it was not, then internet browsers would not be full of "today's hottest celebs" and "find old classmates". We (some of us anyway) are living in the information age, and what may have been idle wondering ten years ago can easily be satisfied within five minutes now.

Hee hee ... I've googled up many an old acquaintance, too (including ex-gf's), and by now I'm always just kindof puzzled when I find I can't find mention of somebody anywhere. Eerie. As if they dont exist anymore, or didnt really exist. Kinda throws me.

Man, what kind of acquaintances did you have


:wink:

Here is a little more info for you all. He has had many exes...(he was a bachelor until he married me 3 years ago, remember he's 42) and all of his exes have been attractive and successful. He googled the ex g/f that came right before me...he not only googled her name, but then he googled her name and "marriage announcement"... Then he googled our county records dept. for her name and to see if she had married. Now, I will tell you that I have googled an ex too...because he is a talented triathlete (not pro) in Ca. and I wanted to see how his scores were going...I would actually enjoy hearing from him through e-mail, although I would never contact him first. So, I am not against him googling, but I would be upset if he tried to contact an ex. Also, another name that he googled did not ring a bell with me, so I googled her myself ...couldn't find anything on her until one day I found a "pay pal" debit on our credit statement...this led me to a porn site. I recognized one of the "stars" names to be the one I couldn't recall...he had misspelled it. So, my hubby is a fantastic guy who has turned his beautiful younger wife into an insecure mess. I think this has turned into a whole 'nother topic.

Yeah... the porn thing is separate from Googling in and of itself.

Have you talked to him about this stuff yet?

You know, we both come from very conservative backgrounds...so he knows better than to go to porn. Oh and the baby is crying...she's a liitle doll. I'll have to come back later.

Different generation, Walter ;-)

This is inspiring me to google more... so I can report back here what people are doing. I'm kind of happy I've known all those neat people, one way or another.

PamO, there are several threads here filled with varying points of view on husbands and porn, and they are probably on this same Relationships and Marriage forum.

Yes, the porn thing is a different topic, I know. I came across all of these things on our computer in the same week. Gosh, I feel guilty just writing about it on this site! I think it would hurt him to know I've sought insight on the internet for this. This is not a subject that I can talk to my mom about or any of my friends. I do not want their opinion of him to change. Basically, I think that he was single for so long and out there taking care of only himself, that he may be a little selfish at times. I think that he has always subscribed to a porn site for many , many years and in his mind that has nothing to do with his attraction to me. But, I do not feel that way for many reasons. I had to "blow up" on him and tell him how much that this damages my image of him, my image of "us", my self esteem, and our sex life ,....it just changed the way I see him. And heaven forbid the damage it would cause our children if they ever came across a spam mail from one of those sick sites! So, yes, I did have an angry and onesided conversation with him the day I found the porn site...it was a lot of me talking , him being silent, and then he wrote me a letter saying how bad he felt and that he did not know how we was hurting our relationship (unconsciously) with this. He also stated that he would never look at that stuff again. He installed a "firewall" that I had asked for to keep it out of the house...Now, four months later ( and I've just delivered a baby in June) I find that the "firewall" can be turned off and on! He does not seem to have a subscription, but in his history I saw that he still does look at porn sites! UGH. It's creepy to me and I think it shows no self control and a whloe lot of immaturity.

PamO., there was a good discussion on that topic here, with a variety of view points, just this month - you may find it an interesting read: link

but, PamO, you can't control his mind, nor should you. imagine, how would he feel if he knew you are searching his internet history? would he not feel it is creepy also? i would probably be angered if my man did that to me. i'd say, take a deep breath and learn to trust him a little more. if there's nothing else wrong in your relationship, you have a pretty darn good thing going. don't ruin it.

I agree with you dagmaraka, and I do feel guilty about searching his history...(which he was mostly deleting.) And I have read the thread "Does my husband have a porn addiction?" I do not think he has a severe addiction. From what I gathered, he visits sites on sat. afternoons when I leave with the kids to go shopping or run errands for a few hours. The challenge is that I have not been happy with our sex life. I feel like he made me feel awful about my figure when I was pregnant. I am always in the mood to do just about anything! I'm not a prude and I love his body. I do not like what this has turned me into! Insecure. I'm a runner and a cyclist...so I think I look great! I cannot compete with the young girls (most of them anyway) on the internet though. And what really got me upset was that we visited this topic once....I thought we had conquered it...we even went on a Maui trip to forget about it(which turned out to be not so great)...he installed the firewall and I was feeling pretty good again...now I discover that HE controls the firewall! So I feel tricked. He does go to the trouble to delete history...but the firewall that HE controls has a cache that I can log onto to find his deleted history! This took me an hour or so to figure out! An hour that I could have used elsewhere. See what this has turned me into? Today I am on a roll, but most days I just forget about it and go on. I love him. I really do. And he's a great guy...but I do not have the same excitement about him and pride in him I used to have. It's sad, because I really thought so much of him.

PamO, but you have to realize that it is not HIM who has turned you into an insecure being with lack of self-confidence. Do you think you look great? Great! Strutt your stuff, be confident. You are NOT competing with those girls, they are a fantasy. Your husband lives with you, and that's what's important. Jealousy and insecurity will consume you, but the solution has to be within you. Even if he turns the firewall back on permanently and will never google another person, it will not solve YOUR problems. From all I've read, it seems to me you need a boost in your self-confidence. If you have the time and a little money, join a class, or at least get a book, on assertivity; sit yourself down and ask whether you do enough to satisfy your own interests in life, whether you fulfill your potential. If not, go out into the wild world and indulge in whatever interests you. It is an appealing quality to have: independence of mind, trust in one's own abilities, confidence and strength to do whatever you desire to. Your man will find that appealing too. Whatever you do, never search his internet history, or letters, or emails, or whatever it be, again. It will only lead you to more speculations and ultimately more insecurity and self-doubt of yourself.

Dagmaraka, You hit the nail right on the head. Thanks. I've known for a while that I need to branch out a little and not let the perfect wife/ perfect mom role consume me. I live in this funky, artsy, part of the city where there are museums and art classes galore! Plus, I never finished my education. Maybe I will explore that avenue as well. I'm dropping this topic! I'm sick of it, quite frankly. See you on another thread!

:-) That sounds fantastic, PamO! Explore away, you AND your husband will be happier people for it!

I think it's harmless. I agree we all want to know "what life could have been if only we had"
My mom, who's 78, still talks about "Kenny" the one she let go. She knows all about his wife, kids makes a point of checking up on him. Yet she's perfectly happy with my Dad and has been for 55 years.
Natural curiousity I guess

i'm a victim
hi there,

I was just searching my ex girlfriend on google. No.. currently i was just searching under ex girlfriends.

I found your question and i'll share what i think.

I was searching for someone i really don't like. I now kinda hate her and wouldn't be too nice to her if i saw her again. I found some posts that she made on a site that she visits, which allowed me to find out what was new with her without having to ask someone who would tell her I asked, and thought that I wanted to know, or whatever gossip ends up as.

Anyways, I'm all for searching for ex's on the net, and i doubt that it was for your husband to get back together with any of them.


Jeff