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Adult problems with my mother, help ?

 
 
Reply Tue 1 Sep, 2015 12:53 pm
Left with my now husband at 18 and never went back to my mothers. It has been two years. Whenever my mother emails (just a few)me she never acknowledges my husband. The past emails she sent me are rude and full of drama.My husband hates my mother and she hates him too most likely. They've never met. I have a daughter now and my mother wants to see her. My husband doesnt want me to visit her without him. My mother does not have an award for being the best parent and my life was really bad. Shes still my mother and I want to be okay with her. It makes sense for me to visit her alone but shes an expert at being a manipulative brainwasher. She brought up the 5th commandment in an email and I do honor and respect her choices. She did quotes and everything. My husband is stubborn, when I speak about my mother it just ruins the whole day. He is 7 years older than me but sure doesnt act like it. I just need some opinions of how to treat the mother situation. What should I do? It wouldnt be nice visiting my mother without my husband, how can i make the both of them happy? Have any bible quotes I can send back to her? - thank you for your time
 
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Tue 1 Sep, 2015 01:25 pm
@Frutee2tee,
Do you live in the same city as your mother?

Do you have a friend who would be willing to be with you when you meet your mother?

___

I personally wouldn't recommend meeting with your mother but if you feel you need to, make sure it is on neutral territory. Not in her home for sure and preferably in your home community. I'd also make it clear that the meeting is time-limited and at this point a one-off situation.

___

My grandmother was very much a believer in cleaving to her husband. Her relationship with her husband came before all others and it is what she taught all of her daughters and grandchildren.

this site talks about that view

http://www.gotquestions.org/leave-cleave-honor.html

Quote:
There are three aspects to the statement of Genesis 2:24: 1. Leave - This indicates that in a family there are two types of relationships.

The parent-child relationship is the temporary one and there will be a “leaving.” The husband-wife relationship is the permanent one—“what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Matthew 19:6).

Problems occur in family life when these two roles are reversed and the parent-child relationship is treated as the primary relationship. When an adult child has married and this parent-child relationship remains primary, the newly formed union is threatened.




Quote:
When the meddling of a parent violates the “leaving” because it is treating the parent-child relationship as primary (demanding obedience, dependence, or emotional oneness over the desires of, dependence upon, or oneness with the spouse), it should be respectfully rejected and the spouse’s desires honored.


from an interesting site

http://marriagemissions.com/leaving-your-parentsx-to-cleave-to-your-spouse/


Quote:
Sometimes parents don’t realize that this command in Genesis 2: 24 is as much a command to the parents as it is to the couple who are getting married.




the wording in different bible translations

http://biblehub.com/genesis/2-24.htm
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Tue 1 Sep, 2015 01:26 pm
@Frutee2tee,
Frutee2tee wrote:
I have a daughter now and my mother wants to see her.


your mother is going to have to work on having a courteous respectful relationship with you and your husband before you bring your child into any situation with her
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Tue 1 Sep, 2015 01:35 pm
@Frutee2tee,
I strongly agree with ehBeth.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Tue 1 Sep, 2015 05:46 pm
Since you mother is so toxic, why would you want to bring your child around her?

She has not earned that right.
0 Replies
 
HesDeltanCaptain
 
  0  
Reply Sun 6 Sep, 2015 08:56 am
@Frutee2tee,
Ephesians 5:31 ESV

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”


0 Replies
 
 

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