I can't change who i am

If his heart could fail at any minute, it really doesn't matter if he lives near her or not, does it?

I mean, unless it stops on one of his days off when he's sitting at his house with her.

Does she come along and watch him do parkour, and go with him everywhere else so she can be there if his heart suddenly stops? I just looked up parkour, and that looks pretty strenuous. Does she hang around at work with him in case that would happen there?

I smell some amount of bullshit with his rationale. Anyone could die of anything during any surgery. What does that have to do with living near his mother?
What exactly is this heart condition, if I may ask?

Thanks for explaining, I see I was mistaking some of the situation.

I also wonder about the heart condition situation, while not knowing what it is. Chai makes sense on that. Plenty of people on a2k have heart conditions or other serious conditions, or have people close to them who have similar. He needs more talks with his doctor, who I am taking is his heart surgeon, and seems to be giving up because of his fear. He's young to be giving up. His choice, of course, and of course I don't know the stats on whatever his condition is.


Edit - this is not my business to go on about. But it is yours to consider.

his mother is a surgeon?

really. that is an excuse that makes no sense.

Kaekae, just to be clear, none of us here are trying to gang up on you with questions.

Some of the things you've told us aren't clear, and we're all just trying to understand.

Re your BF's heart condition....Do you have a name for what is wrong with his heart, or is it that either he or someone else has told you "I (he) has a heart condition and could drop dead at any moment"?

Is it an arrhythmia? If so, is it atrial or ventrical? That really important to know which one, but I'm not going to say why at this point.

There a very few things that can go wrong with your heart where you can literally "drop dead" in a moment. And if you do have one of these conditions, there are devices that will prevent that from happening.

Another thing...it is EXTREMELY rare for someone to die during any kind of heart surgery. With all people under 65 years old, it is well under 1% for all types of heart surgery. Your boyfriend is way under that age, and if he's doing parkour, he's in damn good shape.
You know, it's not like if something happens during surgery, the doctors just throw up their hands and say "That's it. He's dead. Let's go to lunch." There a many things they can do, and they will do them all. Are you sure your boyfriend isn't maybe just being a little bit dramatic? Just asking.

I get that between being shy, and being young, 18, it may not have occurred to you to ask these things. However, and I'm not saying it's so in this case, sometimes things aren't as serious as people make it out to be.

In any event, this thing of wanting to be near his family in case of emergency doesn't wash. It's more important for him to be near a hospital, or a cell phone to call 911. If he can "drop dead" at any time, nothings going to help.

Or at least he can take off 1 day a week to be with his girlfriend.

Yes it doesnt make sense to me either. He no longer has medical insurance so he hasnt been checked out in years. and sadly HE doesnt even know whats wrong with him. His mom is the one with all the details. Ive tried to look up information on his condition but i couldnt find too much because i dont know the name of it. All i know is that his father was addicted to many serious drugs before he(my bf) was born and somehow it has affected his(my bf's) heart. I havent been completely filled in yet. I do know that something about it causes him to have high blood pressure.

Things i have been told arent clear to me yet either. Im just putting out what i have been told.

He is a grownup and needs to take responsibility for his own health. His mother will not be around forever to do it for him. He needs to open his mouth and ask his doctor.

As for him not having health insurance, what country are you in? This is why the Affordable Health Care Act (colloquially known as Obamacare) was passed in the first place. He likely has something or other, although he might not love it or know about it or realize he can be using it. In other countries, universal healthcare is well-known.

But either way, he is over 18 and, if he's got pressure issues and some sort of an unnamed heart condition, he needs to become an active participant in his own care and his own destiny.

This goes beyond you knowing any of the details of his specific condition, or not.

But I will say that, if he is over 18 and he knows something is seriously wrong with him (allegedly) but he doesn't ask any questions about it and just lets Mom continue to make all the decisions and pay all the bills and deal with the doctors and the appointments and whatnot, then he is irresponsible at best. And, at worst, he's damned immature and under her thumb - not a great combo for you to be hanging around with.

I live in the US. in TN. He had insurance but here it gets taken away when you turn 21. You can still get it but im not sure how because i havent been in that situation.

Oh honey.

Darlin', as Jespah mentioned in her post, haven't you yet heard of the Affordable Care Act? Maybe you've heard of it as Obamacare?

That means that No One has to be without insurance. If a person is no longer covered by their parents insurance, they get their own through the Health Care Market Place at www.HealthCare.gov That's the link, click on it.

Basically, if a person is below a certain income level, they go on Medicaid. If they make above a certain amount, they pay according to how much they make through an insurance plan they get through Healthcare.gov

Or, if your place of employment offers insurance, you get it through them.

In addition, it is possible for an adult child to stay on their parents insurance until they are 26 years old (usually, some plans may be different).

In other words, there is no reason for boyfriend not to have health insurance. Got that?

I'm giving you this information for yourself too, as you are 18, and an adult. You have to look out for your own insurance needs as well.

***Sigh****

I'm not going to give any opinion as to your relationship with him, if you truely enjoy being with him etc.

I am however leaning towards what others have said that he's quite immature, or at least very uninterested in managing his own life. I mean, why would he? He's got Momma to tell him he could die at any moment of something he doesn't even know is true or not, and pretty much leading him around by the nose as far as everything else in his life.

Really kaekae, how can a person go around saying "I could die at any moment, I could die on the operationg room table if they try to fix it....But I don't really even know what's wrong....That's Momma's job, even if I am a 24 year old man."

You've heard the expression "tied to his mothers aprons strings" right? If you haven't, google it.

All of this has nothing to do with your shyness.

It has to do with a controlling, manipulative woman who can't let go on sonny boy, tell's him he could die if he doesn't stay near her, and bad mouths any girl who gets close to him.

Answer me this kaekae...If it's true he's got a life threatening condition, where he could die at any moment, what mother would let her son go without insurance? She knows about healthcare.gov, believe me.

Btw kaekae, wouldn't it be something if he got his own insurance, went to the doctor, and was told there's nothing wrong with him?

Is he even on any medication or anything?

Jesus, I feel sorry for this guy. He's been just trusting and going along with whatever this crazy woman has been telling him. He might be immature, but I could see how it would be very hard to grow up when you've got a mother smothering him like this one does.