Reply Sat 15 Aug, 2015 04:26 pm
Lately, as time has progressed and my boyfriend and I are getting closer (emotionally, physically and more) I catch my-self feeling insecure and jealous around other females. In addition to this, my mind starts wandering and imagines other females trying to flirt with him. The thought of this is driving me crazy and making me feel really insecure when in fact I shouldn't. Why? Well, I have a bright future ahead of me in terms of career, I am physically attractive (body, eyes, face, smile, hair) not to mention I am pretty smart and have personality. In addition to this, he hasn't given me a reason to think he will cheat on me. Other than, his past history of substance and alcohol abuse which COULD be indicative of some weak personality traits that COULD lead to cheating....
I know, in terms of physical appearance & life goals I can do way better then him. However, I still feel insecure. I did some research on-line and found that this has to do with my childhood and if my needs were met growing up. Basically mine weren't...at all. And so, I realized after reading, reading and some research where these feelings stem from BUT it still does not change how I feel.

Whether we stay in each others lives or not this needs to be dealt with now. I could easily get rid of him but who is to say down the road I meet another guy who is even more amazing than my current guy...the issues from within me may still creep up Sad

So, if any of you have any experience with this and have some advice and/or recommendations please share.
What do you do to reassure yourself?
What do you do to not feel so jealous and insecure when you know you've got it going on?

Please serious replies only

Thanks Smile
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Type: Question • Score: 6 • Views: 707 • Replies: 13

 
jespah
 
  5  
Reply Sat 15 Aug, 2015 04:47 pm
@LiveLoughLaugh24,
Get counseling to determine why you're having such self-esteem issues.
Tes yeux noirs
 
  2  
Reply Sat 15 Aug, 2015 04:49 pm
@LiveLoughLaugh24,
Quote:
I am physically attractive (body, eyes, face, smile, hair) not to mention I am pretty smart and have personality.

You need to get over yourself.
Quote:
his past history ... which COULD be indicative of some weak personality traits

Listen to Princess Judgmental.
Quote:
that COULD lead to cheating....

Or not.
Quote:
I know, in terms of physical appearance & life goals I can do way better then him.

Jesus! Then do this guy a favor and get out of his life, pronto!
Quote:
I could easily get rid of him

Do it. See above
Quote:
.the issues from within me may still creep up

Or you might just grow up.
Quote:
Please serious replies only

I am deadly serious.
vikorr
 
  2  
Reply Sat 15 Aug, 2015 06:07 pm
@LiveLoughLaugh24,
If you have issues in your past, then the paths to overcoming them can include:
- counselling / psychologist (I would suggest this only as part of a solution)
- working on your self esteem (there is no easy path to this - it takes work. There are plenty of books on it)
- working on who you are as an individual (part of self esteem, but also finding a genuine sense individuality to go with your social sense)
- perhaps exercises in trust.

Work on word, action, and thought being in sync. As a note, this is much easier when you admit to yourself your inner drives as being natural (rather than criticising yourself for them, as some do), accept your emotions, work out what your principles & values are, and be true to them.
0 Replies
 
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Sat 15 Aug, 2015 06:10 pm
@Tes yeux noirs,
Quote:
I am deadly serious.
It's a shame when people come here for help, and another poster feels the need to put them down, without offering any positive help whatsoever.
LiveLoughLaugh24
 
  0  
Reply Mon 17 Aug, 2015 07:59 pm
@Tes yeux noirs,

Did I not make my-self clear when I said serious responses only?
There was absolutely nothing valuable or worthwhile reading from your response. You seem like the king of person you described me as. Princess like, and judgmental.

and no I don't need to get over my-self ....I need to get on with my-self due to these self-esteem issues I am having.. If I listed the positive traits about my-self, it's for the "readers" like your-self to have a better understanding of the whole picture. Cause guess what? I could be fat and ugly and BAM! that could be the underlying reason for a low self-worth. Not that there is anything wrong with being fat and ugly but I hope you can see where I am coming from.

Yes, I am a bit critical but wouldn't you be if you were trying to decide if some-one with a past history of drug and substance abuse was worth spending the rest of your one and only life with on earth?! If, of course, a life long relationship is what you want. Which, I do! Why don't you do some research on Mental Health and The Psychology of Drug and Substance abuse and read the life long implications for your-self.

Sure the guy has some issues and so do i but I am currently giving him try because he has many other GOOD qualities. Not to mention he's human which means imperfect like the rest of us...seriously I'm just trying to work through my feelings to be a better me...is that such a bad thing?

You quoted what I wrote "and this could lead to cheating" If you were smart enough you would have recognized that as indicative of trust issues on my part. You're right, he could or could not cheat? Who knows? Right? You and I ....two different individuals and two different perspectives. Why don't you learn some empathy and place your-self in some-one else's shoes for a moment.

Don't bother replying if what you're response is anything BUT positive, uplifting and/or encouraging.

No time for negative Kathy's or Dopey downers like your-self.

thanks...


LiveLoughLaugh24
 
  0  
Reply Mon 17 Aug, 2015 08:01 pm
@vikorr,
Totally agree. It's sad really.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Mon 17 Aug, 2015 08:10 pm
@LiveLoughLaugh24,
So, you only want to hear sugar solutions? The rest of us with years of observation should shut up?

This is a world wide web site. You may hear things you don't like. Plenty of those people will have been serious.
LiveLoughLaugh24
 
  1  
Reply Tue 18 Aug, 2015 12:27 pm
@ossobuco,
Not sugar coated solution but rather REAL direct yet encouraging positive and uplifting. You know, sort of of what this website is all about "support". I realiZe that this is an open website to the world and for whomever chooses to participate. That's totally fine. However, I specifically stated what I was looking for in the article. This is not a debate. It is simply a means of online support.
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Tue 18 Aug, 2015 12:36 pm
@LiveLoughLaugh24,
have you made any plans for this?

jespah wrote:

Get counseling to determine why you're having such self-esteem issues.

PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Tue 18 Aug, 2015 08:25 pm
Consider counseling to figure out why you have such anxiety about this relationship.

LiveLoughLaugh24
 
  1  
Reply Thu 27 Aug, 2015 07:07 pm
@ehBeth,
Yes, thanks for asking. I have attempted counseling in the past. It helped tremendously. However, eventually, I was not able to have health insurance and unable to pay cash for counseling. Nor, does the counselor offer discounts for self-pay clients. 95$ Sad a session. Yikes.
0 Replies
 
LiveLoughLaugh24
 
  1  
Reply Thu 27 Aug, 2015 07:08 pm
@PUNKEY,
I have attempted counseling in the past. It helped tremendously. However, eventually, I was not able to have health insurance and unable to pay cash for counseling. Nor, does the counselor offer discounts for self-pay clients. 95$ Sad a session. Yikes.
0 Replies
 
LiveLoughLaugh24
 
  1  
Reply Thu 27 Aug, 2015 07:09 pm
@jespah,
. I have attempted counseling in the past. It helped tremendously. However, eventually, I was not able to have health insurance and unable to pay cash for counseling. Nor, does the counselor offer discounts for self-pay clients. 95$ Sad a session. Yikes.
0 Replies
 
 

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