Mother-in-law assaulted me while holding my son, custody

I hear ya Solmeci, love always makes it so difficult.

Goodnight my new-found friends

Yes, that's right. It's not my place to tell you who they are, so I'll let them tell you ;-)

First thing you have to do is to stop listening to him. The fact that your not working much means nothing. You have a baby to care for and as long as your child is well cared for and in need of nothing, you have nothing to worry about. Now if your childs father has a great high paying management job, then he has plenty to worry about, since you'll be asking for the maximum child support when you go to court for full custody ;-) So, you see, he will tell you anything to try and scare you, but you need to get things going now. First thing you need to work on is the restraining orders against both your child father and his mother. You have no time to waste if you want full custody of your child.

Heart - he's lying to you.

The court would far prefer that your child be poor than that he be abused. And when you go to court, ask for the max in child support. Your child is ABSOLUTELY, 100% entitled to financial support from his father.

BTW, the guy's probably going to just lie to you again (since we can all see he has a history of doing just that), so my advice is, ignore him when he says stuff like that. He got his legal license from a Cracker Jack box, right? So he doesn't know squat about the law and custody, and is only trying to frighten and manipulate you into doing something you'll regret. Ignore him when he makes these kinds of desperate claims. 'Cause that's what they are - acts of desperation.

Now, have you seen a lawyer yet? Really, girl, you gotta if you expect to get the full $$ that your son deserves.

Jes is right. You need to act now.

Jes and Montana are absolutely right as always. Don't listen to him. He's just trying to manipulate you. Make up your own mind. You sound like an intelligent person who doesn't need this jerk calling shots for you.

Hi Heartbreakerqt


Yes, Heartbreakerqt. This is another one of his lies to manipulate you with fear.

When a court makes a custody determination, one of the most important factors is continuity and stability. The baby is with you. The baby has lived his entire life to this point--14 months--in your care. You have provided the child with continuity and stability. Your parental record is solid.

Your ex-boyfriend has NEVER provided your child with stability. Your ex-boyfriend only created instability in the child's life. The only constant and continuous thing your ex-boyfriend is capable of providing for you and your child is physical and emotional abuse.

Your ex-boyfriend might make more money than you, but he does not support his child. You are supporting the child on your meager earnings from your babysitting job plus whatever help you can obtain from your parents.

Your ex-boyfriend has a duty to support his child even if there is no court order requiring him to support the child. He has failed to comply with his parental duty of support. Instead, he threatens you. He tells you, because he makes more money, the court will award custody to him. He keeps you in fear so that you won't take the steps necessary to force him to comply with his duty of support.

When the court is informed that your ex-boyfriend has a high-paying job, is more than capable of providing support for his child, but never did support his child and threatened you instead--the court will easily determine that your ex-boyfriend cares nothing about the best interests of the child.

You are the only one with a proven record of supporting the child and caring for the child's best interests--including removing the child from an abusive home where the child's father perpetrated violence upon you.

When you gave the ex-boyfriend, the child's father, an opportunity to spend time with the child in celebration of Father's Day--what happened? He mistreated you and subjected you to more physical abuse. Although you took the abuse in the past, you are stronger now and you weren't going to take it anymore and you tried to call for help. Then his mother subjected you to abuse--and the child was in your arms at the time.

Girl--it doesn't matter how much money he has--you are holding all the cards. Every factor that a court examines to determine the child's best interests is weighed in your favor. Given this man's history of physical and emotional abuse, the best he can hope for is supervised visitation.

Get a family law lawyer and file for child custody and support NOW!

HUGE PLUS
Here's another way of looking at your employment situation.

Your babysitting job allows you to be at home with your child everyday! That's a HUGE PLUS to be weighed in your favor.

Think about it. IF your boyfriend had custody, he would have to place the child in someone else's care for the majority of the day. He would have to PAY someone else to care for the child while he works.

Although there is nothing inherently wrong with daycare (it is a necessity for most working couples with small children), if given the choice between placing the child with a father who is almost never there for the child and must rely on daycare to help raise the child versus placing the child with the mother who is always there for the child--the court will choose the parent who is always there.

A child has a fundamental right to be raised by a loving, caring, stable parent rather than a stranger. Unless she is unfit, a parent has a fundamental right to raise her own child to the exclusion of all others. Why would a court ever consider taking the child from your continuous and stable care and custody so that the child can be placed in a stranger's care all day?

If the father has so much money that he can afford to pay strangers to take care of the child while he is working--why shouldn't he be supporting his child NOW by sending you money every month for the child's needs?

If your babysitting income is supplemented every month with support from the father--you will have plenty of money to provide for all the child's needs. You're providing continuity and stability for your child right now without the father's support--think how much better you can do with support!

Your child has an absolute right to financial support from his father. It's up to YOU to enforce your child's right.

Don't beat yourself up because you're a stay-at-home mom and you're not making much money. It's a HUGE PLUS in your favor when it comes to a custody and support action.

I have not talked to a lawyer yet, but plan on doing so as soon as possible. I can't afford one so I will have to get started on getting help with that.

More Information
Here is some more general information that you might find useful.

1. You have de facto custody of your child.

2. You and your ex-boyfriend have an express (or implied) agreement that you should have custody of the child.

3. Your ex-boyfriend is agreeable with your custody, control, and care of the child so long as you don't seek child support from him.

4. Any revocation of the de facto custody agreement between yourself and your ex-boyfriend by your ex-boyfriend because you seek child support from him demonstrates by clear and convincing evidence that the ex-boyfriend is more concerned with his wallet than he is about the best interests of the child.

5. Any condition in the de facto custody agreement between you and your ex-boyfriend that you have the care, custody and control of the child so long as you don't seek child support from him is against public policy.

6. He who sleeps on his rights loses his rights.

********

Many parents determine the care, custody, and control of their children via their own decisions as demonstrated by their own conduct and history.

You and the father lived together with the baby in the State of Colorado for the first four months of the baby's life. During this time, the father was emotionally abusive and physically violent.

You and the father moved with the baby to the State of New Mexico. Three weeks later, you and the baby moved to the State of Arizona. You did this to escape the father's continuous emotional and physical abuse.

Since that time, you and the baby have continuously resided in the State of Arizona. You have maintained the exclusive custody, care and control of the child for approximately one year.

For approximately one year, the father has taken absolutely no steps to change the situation. The father has never sought custody or vistation rights through a court proceeding.

By his own inaction, the father has either explicitly or implicitly demonstrated his agreement that you should have the custody, care, and control of the child.

Although you have never formalized your exclusive year-long custody of the child through a court proceeding and a custody judgment, you have de facto custody of the child.

By his own words, the father has threatened you, if YOU seek to formalize the custody agreement through a formal custody proceeding in a court, that the court will award him custody because he has more money.

Although the father has more money, he has never complied with his parental duty to support his child. He is perfectly agreeable that you have custody of the child so long as you do not seek child support from him.

Courts will enforce people's agreements, e.g., the parents' explicit or implicit agreement that the child should remain in the mother's custody, care, and control. However, a court will not enforce a condition in an agreement that is contrary to public policy.

Public policy demands that all parents support their children to the best of their ability.

Public policy will not allow parents to use child support as leverage or a bargaining chip in custody negotiations. If this were allowed, many impoverished mothers who are afraid of losing their children would bargain away their child's right to support in exchange for custody. If this were allowed, a father could escape his parental duty of support and the state would be required to support the child through public welfare programs.

All the facts and circumstances in YOUR case (e.g., your de facto custody of the child, the father's inaction for a year to change the custody arrangement, and the father's non-support of the child) demonstrate that the father agrees that you should have the custody, care, and control of the child so long as you do not seek child support from him.

A court will enforce the de facto custody agreement, but will strike down the condition that the father has placed on the agreement (e.g., no support) as against public policy.

He who sleeps on his rights loses his rights. For approximately one year, the father has done absolutely nothing to obtain custody of the child--he has never supported the child. He has failed to demonstrate any effort to utilize the Arizona court system to gain any custody or visitation rights. His only motive in seeking custody is to punish you for seeking support for the child.

Accordingly, if you commence a custody and support action in Arizona and the father counterclaims for custody--your lawyer can motion the court to dismiss his counterclaim and enforce the parties' de facto custody agreement based upon the six points set forth in the beginning of this post.

The motion to dismiss your ex-boyfriend's counterclaim for custody may or may not be granted--but it is an incredibly effective strategic tool that places the entire custody case into proper perspective for the judge. (I know a little bit about these things--I practiced family law for many years.)

Print off your posts and the responses--take them to a family law lawyer--and strike while the iron is hot! You're holding all the cards. This doesn't happen very often. Take advantage to formalize your custody and to get support for your son.

Keep us informed!

Heartbreaker--

Will it be a financial hardship for you to return to Colorado to testify against your mother-in-law when her case comes to trial?

Talk to a lawyer. Talk to the authorities in Colorado. Essentially this is a side issue, but you don't want this trial to complicate your pettitions for custody and child support.

Thank you Everyone...
Thank you everyone for helping my sister (heartbreaker) with this whole deal. I know how frustrating it can be to forage ahead without knowledge. (currently in 2 custody situations myself...stepson and my eldest son in pro per). As far as the domestic violence goes my advice would be to not go back there again, going there after incidents happen and allowing him to be alone with the child are actions that speak louder than words in the eyes of the court. If he is a danger to her and to my nephew, she should stay far away from him. It does not matter if he is the father, if he endangers his child then he is reversing any benefit that could come from a father - child relationship. What sort of father is he teaching him to be? how to treat his mother? I am happy that she has resources that can help her through this. I wish that I wasn't so far away and I could help her more. I haven't been there for her much of late as I am cut off from my computer (it has been in my house in containment for asbestos for two weeks). I hope that you know, heart, that I am here for you always. You are not only my sister, you were my very first friend. Please listen to these people and to me, don't ever go back there again alone. I fear for you and for the little muffin.

I love you dearly,
love litlmamarose

Yes it will be financial hardship. I will have to travel back to Colorado September 7 for court. I have to pay for gas, hotel room, food etc. I hope I can do it.

HELP is there:
Heart:

Inability to pay for a lawyer is not a stumbling block.

Contact your state or local bar association.

The bar association maintains a list of attorneys who participate in the "volunteer lawyer program."

The bar association will FIND you a volunteer lawyer who will handle your case for little or no money--or give you the information you need to find one for yourself.

The vast majority of lawyers who handle family law cases do it because they CARE about people. You are not alone.

Your state laws may provide that your volunteer lawyer can be compensated and collect his/her fee from the father who has the ability to pay.

See also:
Arizona Domestic Violence Legal Services Resources
http://www.azflse.org/AZFLSE/legalservices/legalresources.cfm

http://www.azflse.org/AZFLSE/legalservices/WhereToFindFreeLawyer.cfm

Also:

Go to http://www.google.com/

search for: Arizona "volunteer lawyer"

Help is out there. All you need to do is find it and get started!

DO IT TODAY! When you find a volunteer lawyer--take your posts from the board and the responses to your lawyer--most of the information your lawyer needs to win your case for you is posted on the board!

ALSO NOTE:

Because you are witness for the State of Colorado in the criminal case against your ex-boyfriend's mother, the State of Colorado is required to pay your travel expenses--including your hotel room--while you are there on state business.

Contact the prosecutor's office. The victim services officer should help you out with all the details (paying for the trip, etc.) so you can appear as a witness.

Keep us informed!

Supportive Family


Most definitely. The logistics involved in getting protection orders via interstate connections could be complicated and messy.

As mentioned previously, the most efficient means of getting the boyfriend's violent mother out of Heart's and the baby's life might be a "no contact" order through the criminal proceeding.

A good family law lawyer can address all of Heart's other legitimate concerns about her ex-boyfriend's domestic violence through the custody proceeding in family court.

It's so wonderful that Heart has a loving, supportive sister. I have two sisters (and two brothers)--and they are worth their weight in gold.

Heart
Listen closely to what Debra_Law is telling you. She knows her stuff and the information she's giving you is priceless.

You also have a wonderful sister who is very supportive and is also giving you great advice.

As Debra said, there are lawyers out there who will take your case for free or next to nothing. I had legal aid once and it didn't cost me a dime. Debra has given you the sources to get started, so get on that phone girl and get the justice you and your precious baby deserve :-)

Well I am leaving town for the night I will be back tomorrow evening. (((HUGS))) to you all!!!!!!

Hugs right back at ya Heart.

Well It's been one week today since everything happened...