Mother-in-law assaulted me while holding my son, custody

I am going to sleep now, but will check back in the morning first thing. Any replies will be greatly appreciated.

What a terrible situation. My heart goes out to you.

Yes you can get a restraining order to prevent her from seeing both you and your son, but you need to do it now. I don't know what the laws are in your state about custody, but I would also file those papers now and not waste any time. If your ex is abusive, then you need to mention that in court. It would be in your very best interest to get yourself a family lawyer for the custody issue, but you don't need one for the restraining order. Simply go to the court house to file for a restraining order and make sure you have a copy of the police report from the night she attacked you and your son.

Best of luck to you and your son.

I'm so sorry.

1. Get a restraining order immediately. Do not drop any assault charges. Pursue every legal avenue you can to show these people that you refuse accept this kind of behavior from them.

2. Do not have any further contact with these people EVER. They'll promise never to do this again, but I can assure you this does not stop once they've crossed the line. (Been there.)

3. Wait until you're financially and emotionally stable as possible before you have any more children, and when you do, try to choose someone who you think would be a good parent. We usually don't have the life experience to be able to make that decision when we're 20 years old. (Been there too, and my kids are now adults. Because of my bad choice of a father for them they will probably need to be in therapy for the rest of their lives.)

4. Think of your son first and foremost. He had no choice in this matter and is an innocent bystander who deserves much better than this. If these people want to see your son, let them take it up with the courts. Tell them it's out of your hands, and mean it. They've forfeited their privilege of being in his life for now with their disgusting behavior.

5. Contact your county's legal aid office. Every county has one. Specify that you would like to speak with an attorney who specializes in family law. Also, call your county bar association (the information desk at your county courthouse can direct you to this information) and ask for the list of family law attorneys in your area who are willing to take your case "pro-bono" (free of charge as a service to the community.) There is a good attorney out there who can help you. You just have to do some leg work to find him/her.

Best of luck to you and that precious little boy!

*hugs*

It appears that the rotten apple didn't fall far from the tree. Definitely follow the advice already given. This family has deep-rooted psychological problems, and unless you take legal action, it will not stop. Mother abuses son, son abuses you and the boy. Get the law involved immediately.

Get a lawyer. NOW.

Do not dither around about this. I'm sorry to be blunt but it is your and your child's life and health that are at stake, as is your custody of your child. When you get a lawyer, tell him or her what you have told us. The lawyer will explain that there is no requirement to keep your child in the state in which he was born. The lawyer will explain to you how to get a restraining order and make it stick, how to file for permanent custody and how to file for child support and maintenance.

A lawyer need not be expensive. Contact the local bar association (they're in your phone book) and ask about reduced fee or pro bono services. Use those exact terms and they will know what you are talking about. Tell them it is a domestic relations and child custody matter.

Now go and get a lawyer. Please do not wait any longer.

Good Morning--Interstate Custody Disputes
Some general information based upon the assumption that there has never been an initial custody determination and no custody order is yet in place:

Many states have a uniform child custody jurisdiction act that is patterned after the federal Parental Kidnapping Prevention Act (PKPA). If state law differs from federal law, federal law trumps (it is supreme).

The PKPA is a subject matter jurisdiction statute and was designed to prevent forum shopping in interstate custody disputes. According to the PKPA, the child's "home state" has exclusive jurisdiction to make an initial custody determination (and continuing jurisdiction to modify an initial custody order so long as one of the parents continues to reside in the "home state.") Any custody order that is entered by a state court that does not have the requisite subject matter jurisdiction as set forth in the PKPA is absolutely void.

When your ex-boyfriend tells you--if he moves back to Colorado that YOU must also move back to Colorado because the baby was born there and state law requires this--he is lying to you. That is complete bullshit, for many reasons, and he is clearly trying to manipulate you with false information.

Even though the child was born in Colorado, when the child was four months old, the two of you gave up your Colorado residency and moved to New Mexico. Within three weeks of moving to New Mexico, you and the baby moved to Arizona. The baby is now over a year old and has lived more than six months in the State of Arizona.

Due to yours and the baby's residency that exceeds six months in the State of Arizona, Arizona has acquired "home state" jurisdiction. That means that Arizona has exclusive jurisdiction to judicially determine any custody dispute between yourself and your ex-boyfriend concerning your son.

Neither the State of Colorado nor the State of New Mexico have subject matter jurisdiction to hear a custody dispute between you and your ex-boyfriend nor do they have personal jurisdiction over you. If your ex-boyfriend would attempt to commence a custody case in either Colorado or New Mexico, the courts in both states would be required by federal law, the PKPA, to dismiss the case for lack of jurisdiction over the subject matter and lack of personal jurisdiction over you.

Either you or your ex-boyfriend (providing that he has "standing" to sue you for custody, i.e., that he has positively established himself to be the child's father) may commence a custody action in the State of Arizona (in the county where you live) and ask the court to make an initial custody determination.

In my state, a perpetrator of domestic violence is presumed to be an unfit parent and may not be awarded custody. That presumption may only be overcome by clear and convincing evidence. Therefore, emotional and physical abuse is a highly relevant issue in child custody cases.

CONSULT with a family law lawyer in your state--Arizona--and consider commencing a child custody and support action ASAP.

Restraining orders
In my state, there are two basic types of restraining orders: 1) Domestic Violence Protection Order and 2) Disorderly Conduct Restraining Order.

To obtain a domestic violence protection order, you must examine the state statute, the state definition of "domestic violence," and fill out an application for an order and allege all the essential elements to demonstrate that domestic violence occurred, that you're afraid, and that you need protection from the perpetrator.

In order to obtain a disorderly conduct restraining order, you must examine the state statute, the state definition of "disorderly conduct," and fill out an application for an order and allege all the essential elements to demonstrate that disorderly conduct occurred, that you're afraid, and that you need protection from the person who is engaging in disorderly conduct.

Generally, it is much easier to get a disorderly conduct restraining order than it is to get a domestic violence protection order. Just about anything that annoys you or upsets you can qualify for disorderly conduct under the broadly worded statutes. Therefore, when the "bad conduct" can either be defined as "domestic violence" or "disorderly conduct," I believe it is best to apply for both types of restraining (protection) orders (and then consolidate the cases) because your chances of walking out of court with a protective court order in your hand are greatly enhanced.

Even though your ex-boyfriend shoved you to the floor and the police wouldn't arrest him for domestic violence because his sister said he "bumped" you instead of shoving or pushing you--his conduct could still qualify for "domestic violence" (based upon the triggering event and your fear due to prior incidents of emotional and physical abuse). Regardless, his conduct more likely than not qualifies as disorderly conduct.

The thing is--when it comes to getting a restraining order against your ex-boyfriend and his mother--the State of Colorado would most likely have jurisdiction over the subject matter and personal jurisdiction over the ex-boyfriend and his mother because the conduct occurred in the state.

I assume that you are back in Arizona--and I assume the ex-boyfriend is back in New Mexico.

The logistics of getting a restraining order could get kind of complicated and messy. You will need to avail yourself of the domestic violence and disorderly conduct resources and courts in the State of Colorado--get ex-parte temporary orders in place and establish a court date--and get both your ex-boyfriend and your ex-boyfriend's mother served with the papers and the notice of hearing--and travel to Colorado for the hearing.

There are domestic violence organizations in every state with advocates who are highly trained and will help you with the complicated logistics--you should avail yourself of those resources. I believe Brooke can be of more assistance in this area.

Brooke....where are you?

YOU DEFINITELY ought to consult a lawyer--NOW.

One more thing....
You said your ex-boyfriend's mother was charged with assault, child endangerment, and obstruction of justice.

She is facing serious charges because her conduct was assaultive, extreme, and intended to prevent you from seeking help from law enforcement authorities for your protection against abuse. It is a felony in my state for any person to prevent another person from calling for help. The state has a compelling interest in protecting a person's right to call for help--and anyone who interferes with that right ought to be severely punished.

You can contact the prosecutor who is prosecuting your ex-boyfriend's mother and make it clear to the prosecutor that you and your son--as the victims of this woman's criminal conduct--desire that any resolution of the criminal case include a "no-contact order" prohibiting the defendant (the ex-boyfriend's mother) from having any future contact with the victims.

This option might be the most efficient and most effective means to keep that violent woman away from you and your child.

Heartbreakerqt....Welcome to A2K.

I am very sorry you and your child are going through this pain in your life. The fact that you are seeking help is the start of your winning this battle.

The first thing I would like to see you do is seek out your local Domestic Violence shelter, or the one nearest you. They will guide you through each process that you need to go through and asign an advocate to you. This advocate can even attend all court hearings with you. They are a great source of comfort and strength.....and they will be your knowledge base.

To get you started.....you will need to go to the courthouse and obtain the documents for your orders. You will need one for the Order of Protection and one for the ex parte, one to obtain temporary custody, and one for financial support if needed.

The Clerk of Courts will file these for you once you have them filled out. (Do not fill out the ex parte document yet)

You will go before the judge or magistrate (hopefully with your advocate by your side) and give your testimony at the ex parte hearing. You will tell the judge what all he has done to you. Don't leave anything out. Report even the threats that may not have been carried out. These are important also, as they all relate to the reason you fear him.

At this ex parte hearing you will also tell the judge what you would like him to do in order to provide protection for you. Besides having an order to keep him away from you can also request counseling for him. You can request custody of your child and make a plea that visitation be set up in such a way that the chid is safe. You can request not only child support at this hearing, but also spousal support. Also it is very important that you request he be prohibited from having any weapons. You may not get all these requests honored till after the final hearing but let it be known what you want.

If the judge determines that it is justified he will sign the ex parte and order a full hearing. (Usually within 7 to 10 days of the ex parte)

In the second hearing you will tell what happened in more detail. This full hearing is where you want to bring any witnesses that you might have to back up the abuse. Anything at all that you have such as copies of police reports, hospital reports, pictures, etc.

There is much I have left out.....but I have tried to give you a brief outline of the steps you need to take.

Just remember.....you don't have to do any of this alone. Your DV advocate can be someone for you lean on each step of the way.

If you need me...... just pm me and I'll help you any way I can.

It'll all be ok Perhaps a bit overwelming at first but that's normal.

~Brooke

PS- I didn't specifically address your b/f's Mother in my reply but she must be included in your request for protection. The Domestic Violence Shelter will address with you all things I have left out. But I hope I have given you an idea of the process. Unfortunately it is not all cut and dry. The order for you child might indeed be given but perhaps with a stipulation allowing supervised visitation. That's why I told you to address any visitation issues at the hearing. Try to cover all of your bases from the get-go if you can.

Wow! Thank you so much! You guys just made me feel soooo much better. I have never been to one of these websites and I was just shooting in the dark I guess. You have no idea how much better it made me feel sitting here reading the replies. I really had no idea what to do. I am at a loss for words right now....THANK YOU

?
Have you guys all been through violence like this?

Boy I was just getting ready to PM Brooklyn when I saw she was already here. Listen to her Heartbreaker, she knows what she's talking about. I don't, so I have nothing to offer accept this hug:
((((((((Heartbreakerqt))))))))
Good luck to you!

WOW! Brooke is the BEST!!!

High five to Brooke! And hugs to Heartbreakerqt. It's a tough situation. I'll say a special prayer for you that God will get these S.O.B.s out of you and your child's lives.

Re: ?


I've been through it more than once with the same man, I'm afraid.

I know one of the other posters here has as well, but I'll let her speak for herself.

You are also lucky enough to have 2 lawyers here giving you advice as well.

My heart goes out to you and my thoughts are with you as well. Make sure you nip this in the bud and move on with your life ASAP ;-)

2 lawyers?

What I need to say is already mentioned by everyone else. What I dont understand is why PEOPLE dont speak up against abusive relationships? Keeping it all bottled up doesnt help the situation there are always people you can call to help I dont understand...

Re: ?


How could you let the same person do it to you more then once? When my ex hit me the first time I kicked her sorry tush out of my house and my life!

Thats one thing that gets to me and that is abuse on all scales, I dont believe that much in second chance. One time its his/her fault, the second time is your own fault for putting yourself in that situation.

But I do understand that love makes things more complicated, because in our heart we want to believe that they will chance and they will be better. So please dont get me wrong...

Ah the phone call.... Few more questions.

Does it hurt me in a custody battle that I don't have a "real" job? as some would say...I sure think is real. I take care of a 2 year old girl Mon-Fri. I don't get paid a ton, but my parents help me out if I need it.

And I am sure this is another one of his lies, but since I don't have a "job" that I can't support my son and he will more than likely get him because he has a high paying management position and can support him better than I. I have believed everything he has told me in the past, and it has scared me into not taking action and going through with filing for custody and support. Is this true. I am terrified that he will have my son.

He (my ex) grew up in such a violent abusive home. Just like his father, who was an orphan that bounced around between foster homes. It scares me to death to think that he might wer off on my son like his father has done to him. I think that is why I haven't done anything before. As of right now we have never been to court and I have my son all the time. If I take him to court, there is a possibilty that I will be forced to give my son to his father part of the time and subject him to emotional and possibly physical abuse. (I don't think he would abuse his 1 year old son)

I have been very misinformed and you would not believe how much I have learned from your replies....

I don't think he would physically abuse his son, the emotional part I saw begining when we were still together in Colorado