What should I do?!?!

He sounds like an awesome prize. Like, I'm gonna drop everything and go begging to be his girlfriend, too!

No, wait.

'Cause I know my own mind and freedom. And I am in the relationship I am in because it's voluntary. No one held a metaphorical gun to my head, telling me I'm better do X, Y, and Z, chop chop! Oh, and I'd (you'd) better not complain, either.

This is nasty, controlling behavior - and that can often lead to abuse. Reading between the lines, I am guessing that you grew up in an abusive household. I urge you to get counseling, as folks in your position often don't see when the cycle is on the verge of repeating itself.

This guy is a passive-aggressive creep, and that's the best possibly spin I can put on his behavior. Don't do this to yourself. Life doesn't have to be this way.

If you had not called him an asshole and a jerk, you should have. Why? Read his rule numbers 3 and 4 to yourself until you understand why.

You can't walk away from him fast enough. Do it now.

But what if he does something...he had warned me but I didn't pay attention to it.

What if he does something...like starts making me doing things?

If you are afraid of him, that is even more of a reason to get away from him. If you need to, call your nearest women's shelter and ask them for help.

http://www.thehotline.org/help/

Thank you, and I'll try to talk to him at first. Hopefully it goes well.

I would advise that you read up on what Domestic Violence is. Although I have a few issues with the following chart, it lists many behaviours that are classic Domestic Violence. It may help you understand why you need to look into it a bit more, and do something about it for yourself.

Cycle of Domestic Violence

Thank you but I'm just afraid, but I will take that in mind. But first I need to talk to him.

this alone is a problem

he warned you?

you need to get away from this person

do not contact him any further

find an adult to talk to that you feel safe with - teacher, relative, minister, adult at a community centre/women's safe place

No good can come from that.

You do not need to have one last conversation, or give him one last chance to not act like such a douche.

.
It sounds as though he has controlled your thoughts where you're not sure whether or not you broke up with him? You should know if you had broken up with him or not. You don't need whatever his thoughts or perceptions are.

Frankly, after what you wrote, you should break up with him permanently.
The behavior of this man is controlling and frankly dangerous. Also your own behavior is concerning. you owe him nothing. you need to get him and anyone that behaves like him out of your life as their unsafe and toxic to you.


I don't know if that means your father was abusive or dangerous/toxic to you. However, it sounds like your past had other abusive people in it.

You need help keeping these sort of people out of your life. Please closely read and take the advice that has been suggested to you by others here. Take a look at the chart about the cycle of violence. It's very important you understand how people like this work and your own thoughts are working against you. Don't allow yourself to be a victim any more.

He warned but not like that, he said If I left him, things won't go well afterwards...

You need to get help from an adult who is near you.

Threatening people is never ok.

Never.

He hasn't done anything now, he had just yesterday apologized for his behavior, and said to forget all the stupid rules and everything he said. He has being sweet since then. But I don't know what to do, should I break up with him now or what if he didn't mean to say that?? I understand what you and the others have said, I would of done it. But then he apologized. I don't know what to do anymore??

It seems you haven't read the Cycle of Domestic Violence link that I posted.



What you are describing (the apologising, making up etc) is called the Honeymoon Phase.
--------------------------------------

You really need to read some literature, and you need counselling desperately. Every time you say something, you articulate more signs of being in a domestically violence relationship...and you don't seem to realise you are saying such.

Despite what everyone is telling you. Despite all the warning signs he's giving off. Despite the 3rd party literature being shown to you, pointing out all the behaviours he's exhibiting....you don't believe any of it. This too, is a classic sign of a domestically abused woman. It's a way of thinking that requires help - to help you realise that :
- you are a very worthwhile person
- you should never feel scared in a relationship
- it is not normal for men to emotionally abuse women (and you don't deserve such treatment)
- it is not normal for men to put down, degrade, and isolate women (and you don't deserve such treatment)
- it is not normal for men to 'need' power over women (nor do you deserve the treatment such 'needs' result in)

----------------------------------------

True apologies come with lasting changes in behaviour towards you.

Read the Cycle of Domestic Violence...think back about your time with him...and after this latest apology...do you think his apology is going to result in a lasting change in behaviour towards you...that he won't scare you anymore? Or is it just a superficial apology with something else that will crop up?

---------------------------------------

You need to get out.

You may need emotional assistance to do so (counsellor, friend, family), but you need to get out.

Thank you I'm sorry for not listening, I just thought he wasn't going to do it. But last night he did lay a finger on me, and I was just done. And he also did it again when he came home from work, I just couldn't do it. I waited till he left again, and I packed my bags and left. I'm sorry I didn't think he would do that again. Thank you for everything, for now I just need to restart my life and move out of the city. Thank you.

Best wishes with a violence/abuse free, and happy relationship in your future