Long relationship, new jealousy?

So you don't like that your husband is better-looking than you are (or at least seems to be)?

I want us both to be in the spotlight, as if I'm losing a latent competition. I don't want him to fail I just want to win as well.

Maybe he's hearing similar things from your friends about you, when you're not around (say, you get up to go to the salad bar or something).

since you talk to each other about everything, what does your husband say when you tell him you're upset by people always talking about his good looks?

He says that I'm hot and that I should stop..and its not true that I'm also getting compliments ....

Well, you cannot change other peoples thinking process, nor can you change your husband's look - you only can change yourself and that's where you need to start.

Think of things you can do better than your husband,
be kind to your friends - his and yours, be considerate and start complimenting your friends. Be humorous, entertaining and interesting.

People flock to others who make them feel good, looks is not everything,
that's the first thing to fade, personality stays long after looks have faded.

Having negative thoughts, showing jealousy, etc. are all turn offs - not only with your husband, but also with all of your friends. There is so much more to emphasize on than looks, try to do that.

Zago I feel Calamity is correct. Lend your ears n give shoulder to friends when they need. This quality in a human being is the most appreciated and feel blessed if u get complimented for this. Regarding jealousy just start ignoring the compliments. Smile n say thank u if someone talks. Accept tht he is hot. No use of being upset.

Your insecurity and neediness will eventually drive him away.

It's exhausting to live with someone who whines all the time.

Are your friends obsessed with looks and drama? The looks don't last and the drama is also exhausting.

Try to build up some self esteem by actually doing some things that give you "status" with others NOT in your social group. You have been given some ideas. Be your own person. Good feelings will come from that, not from praise from other people who have false or shallow values.

I agree with Calamity Jane too. I was trying to formulate how to answer and she said what I was thinking quite well.

In addition I'll add that I figure that people differ on all this business of being interested in hotties in general. Me, I like faces with character, which we all know comes from within. Eyes that are interested in what is around them. Voices that sound good to me. I've a poor one myself, rather monitone, and I can't sing well either; fell in love with my husband partly for the sound of his voice, as well as what he said with it. That, and his eyes, and what was behind them.

On hotties, I think the only parallel experience I had was back when I was a lonely teen and had a crush on a famous football player who was handsome at the time, a couple of thousand miles away, that I had read about.

I think outer beauty matters to some people more than others, but I'd guess it is way less than you think.

Let me make something clear: I am a very social person, I have many friends, I am educated, funny, and I'm very confident regarding my personality and the true and strong nature of the social bonds that I constantly nurture. My life is full ... only this department SPOILS IT for me , not all the time, but it does get to me, not daily, I do get many good times when its not on my mind.

I would've been an excellent candidate for the "love others, love yourself" routine but this is just not the case. If you are unfamiliar with GAY CULTURE it is one that worships the exterior and has a subliminal (and many times OVERT) nature of telling you "**** the inside, its the outside that counts". If one of the replying people would've been a gay man that doesn't fit the mold...he would understand what I'm talking about.

In the past it was him and me watching bemused from the sidelines how we don't fit in and laughed about it...until he discovered the wonders of gym world.. left me with my metaphorical goggles , watching, from afar, jealous.

Why don't you believe him when he says this?

believe, its not HIM that I'm worrying about one bit. Its me in the eyes "of the gays"

And you probably should.

It doesn’t bother me what other people think of my husband or me. Or course neither of us are the jealous type either.

People tell me all the time how hot looking my husband is, doesn’t bother me one bit, in fact I’m flattered by it because he’s my husband and he's always coming home with me.

Hi Zago,

It appears to me that your self esteem in this area is at a level that is causing you some heartache.

Self Esteem by the way, because many people mistake what it is all about, is not about your personal confidence (which may reflect your confidence in a skill, rather than the value you place in yourself), nor about your self assurance (which is about your belief that you can achieve things, even if you are currently bad at them, rather than the value you place in yourself).

Self Esteem is, as said, about the value that you find in yourself.

It's not about what you demand as your worth from others - but purely:

- what you see in yourself that you find worthwhile, and
- what you see in yourself that you find important - to yourself.

Because people with high self esteem are happy with who they are, value who they are, and care:

- they inevitably find joy in other peoples successes (being happy with who they are, they don't need to compete with others over 'who's better')
- they encourage other people to succeed (peoples successes not being a competition with their own, because they are happy with who they are - they usually are quite happy to encourage others to find a sense of achievement)
- are much more patient when conflict arises (because few things are seen as a threat to who they are, they feel 'attacked' in a rather reduced variety of conflict situations, and rarely feel the need to 'attack' back)
- etc

It's quite difficult emotionally, when you've competed for looks and are starting to feel like you are 'losing out'...but it's very possible to eventually overcome the 'issues' causing such jealousy by increasing your self esteem. The only issue is that increasing your self esteem takes work (there's no easy short cut).

If you choose to do so, then work on the things that you believe are worthwhile in a human being (those traits will be a reflection of your values)...and bit by bit, as you work while being true to your values (those things you find worthwhile in people) - your own sense of self worth will increase.

Hope it helps.

I got myself a trophy husband. He spends an hour every night in front of the mirror moisturizing. He’s so purdy I have to fight the guys off with a stick but it doesn’t make me jealous it makes me happy he married me.

Now if I can just get him away from that mirror every night!

no words to say something stuff like this no one will give you better suggestion for situation like you.you have to control your mind and continue in your normal way of doing.