Girlfriend has feelings for her ex

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My girlfriend whom I've been dating for about 4 months now recently told me she still has feelings for her ex. I am pretty sure they have been talking for atleast a couple weeks. She says she loves me, but still has feelings for him as well. It kills me. I don't know what to do here, I am at a loss. I realize I shouldn't be with her if she loves someone else besides me, but I am also not sure if she loves him, she's clearly not over him by any means though. And yes, our relationship was rushed. She had been seperated from him for not even a month before I started dating her, which should have been a red flag for me, but she is my first love, and I feel so strongly for her that I decided to trust her when she said initially in the relationship that she was over him, and clearly she is not. Please, I need some advice on what to do here. I ofcourse do not want to break up, I love her more than anything, and she is the only person in my life I would truly do anything for. I'll be talking with her later today about this. What are some things I should ask? What are things I should avoid asking? The last thing I want is for this relationship to end, but I fear it may be the right thing. What do I do???

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[+3] - jespah - 07/21/2015Time for you two to take a break. Suspend your relationship. Make it nonexclusive again. She can see other people (including him, I might add, if she so chooses). This also means that you...

@PvtPancake7,

Time for you two to take a break.

Suspend your relationship. Make it nonexclusive again.

She can see other people (including him, I might add, if she so chooses).

This also means that you can see other people. So do so! Go out and have your life and have fun. Do NOT sit at home and pine your hours away. You can have fun and not be mean but also not looking for anything lasting or love or whatever.

But put a hard deadline on this, too. Say, two months? And then you both reassess. Want to stay together? Then some things will have to change. She cannot turn her feelings on and off like a switch (and it's good that she's been honest with you), but if she still has feelings for him then the mature thing will be to let you go as she cannot give you her fullest attentions and that's not fair to you.

In the meantime, you might have met someone you like better. That can happen. It's okay. The vast, vast majority of us do not stay with our first loves forever.

And please be responsible and use condoms.

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@PvtPancake7,

Staying the the relationship, constantly wondering if she is thinking of him, and wondering if she is seeing him (not too far a stretch)...can be toxic.

While you think she's perfect...she obviously doesn't see (or perhaps doesn't realise) the same in you - else she wouldn't be in contact with her ex again.

Your options are:
- stay & compete
- break it off immediately, and hope she realises what she's lost
- take a break (as previously suggested)

There are no certainties in this - so you need to work out what works best for you.

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Ok, wait a minute people.

I've been married for over 20 years, and I still "have feelings" for my first real loves (plural).

I think that's a real good thing. A relationship with someone doesn't have to end on a bad note.

Let's find out from this girl that we're talking about what she means by feelings.

Does she mean she want to get together and have sex with him? Or that she appreciates he's a good person, has fond memories and wishes him well in life?

Or, does it mean she might still harbor sexual attraction to him, but knows she wouldn't act on it. Her only mistake her may have been her honestly with feelings toward the current bf that she could be open with him about who she is. If that's the case, was it smart for her to do? Probably not, as not everyone can accept the fact that someone who loves them can simultaneously still care about another. Obviously not in this case.

People aren't equipped with light switches that we can turn on and off. Just because we choose to be with someone doesn't mean they are blinded by all else, and that their mind just slammed shut and locked a door.

Good grief.

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Sorry, but you must let her go. She has to decide if it is over with the past - and then make it final, if it is.

They are "talking" - why? Most likely he/she is trying to get her back. Do you see her making time and effort to try to revitalize this relationship?

Are you afraid to give her an ultimatum? Me or your past love.

She needs to remember the WHY of the breakup in the first place.

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Girlfriend has feelings for her ex

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