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Wait or forget? Guys, please help me out.

 
 
DAGMAR
 
Reply Sun 19 Jul, 2015 07:06 pm
Hey there!
I'm in a dilemma at the moment, and I would like to ask primarily the male users, what they think of this:
I was on vacation in Romania, and here I met the most amazing man. A Canadian, who was there 3 weeks because of work. From we met each other, we started to be together everyday for 10 days. We we're on several dates together, spent countless hours at night talking, and I wasn't much in my own hotel room to be honest. When we weren't together during the day, we always texted each other and gave each other small notes. The night before I had to leave, both of us was devastated. I cried a lot, and he looked quite sad himself, and told me, that it'd be hard for him, that out romance had to stop. When I left in the morning, it was unbearable to say goodbye, and he looked quite broken.
Ofc we exchanged mails and Skype, and now we've kept in touch for 6 weeks. It varies from very long, personal and sweet mails, where I hear from him daily, to sometimes where it's just a short (but cute) message, with sometimes up to 3 days. We started to chat on Skype and also talked on Skype, which felt like the most natural thing in the world to do.
My problem is, that I started to disbelieve, if I'm ever going to see him again. Because of his job, he's often away to other countries for months, which makes it quite difficult to make any arrangements. Furthermore, I live in Sweden (Europe), and he lives in Canada, as mentioned.
I told him, that I thought about becoming an exchange student in Canada. He replied, that he'd love me to come, but he couldn't handle the thought that I'd end up recent him, if things didn't work out well between us. I use a lot of energy waiting and waiting for his mails, and when I don't hear anything for 2-3 days, it's really painful for me.
Is he actually into me? Am I imagining some impossible relationship, and can I be sure by what he has shown me so far, that he's honest when he writes: "I think of you daily" - but why not write me daily then? And should I tell him, that it is too painful for me to keep waiting for us to be reunited, if it's actually never going to happen?

Hugs,
Dagmar
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 19 Jul, 2015 07:38 pm
@DAGMAR,
No.

Not that I am sure it's no, but I take it as so.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sun 19 Jul, 2015 07:42 pm
@DAGMAR,
DAGMAR wrote:
I use a lot of energy waiting and waiting for his mails, and when I don't hear anything for 2-3 days, it's really painful for me.


sounds like you had a sweet little vacation romance and that the man thinks of you fondly but that you're not a priority

he doesn't want you to come to Canada as an exchange student with the expectation of having a relationship with him

time for you to move on with your life

if you're ok with an occasional little get-together with him, it might be ok, but don't expect anything more serious.
DAGMAR
 
  1  
Reply Mon 20 Jul, 2015 02:46 am
@ehBeth,
And why do you think so?
You are probably right,that I should move on, and not put too much energy in put writings. But why would a guy write a girl for 6 weeks, if he isn't fond of her?
DAGMAR
 
  1  
Reply Mon 20 Jul, 2015 02:47 am
@ossobuco,
No to which part of the text?
0 Replies
 
Tetty
 
  4  
Reply Mon 20 Jul, 2015 10:48 am
@DAGMAR,
There is no reason to wait for this person. You barely know them. I'm not even clear on what it is you need to wait for. Live your life however benefits you and makes you happy. If you're interested in a foreign study program, go for it. Go to Canada if going there interests you whether it might or might not result in a relationship with this person. If there was some other country you had been thinking of going to instead, don't change your mind just because this person is in Canada.
You will meet many people and have many opportunities for relationships. This person isn't a last chance.
Besides, changing all your plans over this person comes off like you don't value yourself and your goals. You barely know him and now you want to string all your plans to revolve around him? No. That's not sexy or something romantic. It's a desperate move. What makes us appealing to healthy potential partners is our passion for ourselves. It's what makes us interesting. Others see us chasing our goals and developing and improving ourselves. That is sexy. Quit waiting on life over someone you know so little about.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Mon 20 Jul, 2015 11:07 am
@DAGMAR,
DAGMAR wrote:

And why do you think so?


that's my opinion based on what you've written

_____

why would he write? why not? it doesn't cost anything, it's an easy time-killer while he's on a project and maybe bored once work is done
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Mon 20 Jul, 2015 11:09 am
@Tetty,
Very well said Tetty.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Mon 20 Jul, 2015 12:52 pm
@ehBeth,
I second that.
0 Replies
 
DAGMAR
 
  1  
Reply Mon 20 Jul, 2015 12:53 pm
@Tetty,
You are absolutely right, and I'm actually a little ashamed that it looks like I'm going to change my life plans because of this person. I considered going to the US or Canada anyway for 6-12 months before I met this man, so it's not because of him, that I thought of leaving for a while - But it definitely pulls more towards Canada, after meeting him, I won't lie about that.
I'm a hopeless romantic, and I think every girl likes the idea of "The One", even if I know that there is not such a person - It's who you make "The One". Is it really that unrealistic, that there could be a future (life) between me and this man?
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Mon 20 Jul, 2015 12:54 pm
@DAGMAR,
DAGMAR wrote:
Is it really that unrealistic, that there could be a future (life) between me and this man?


yes

by your own account he has already gently tried to warn you off
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Mon 20 Jul, 2015 01:01 pm
Oh, wait. I'm not male.
0 Replies
 
DAGMAR
 
  3  
Reply Mon 20 Jul, 2015 02:16 pm
@ehBeth,
You are probably right, I'm just blind, because I am emotionally involved. Thank you (all of you) for enlightening me.
I'll continue answering him, but I won't expect anything besides some pleasent conversations.
Thank you.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Mon 20 Jul, 2015 02:57 pm
@DAGMAR,
That's the best way to look at it.

If anything more positive happens you'll be happy. If it's simply pleasant conversation then you won't be disappointed.
0 Replies
 
 

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