Blew a Great First Date_Need Advice

This should have been enough. Sending her picture while you were on a date is not a class act. Indiscrete is the word that come to mind. Frankly, you blew it.

Yeah I know I blew it. That's why I was trying to figure out what to do. I've never done anything like this and can't explain why I did it. Was wondering if there is anything I could do to get another chance.

You can see that it upset her, but can you see why secretly taking someone's picture and sending it off to your friends is a bad move?

A sincere apology is/was all you can do. She is just being polite to be in touch with you. Once a trust is broken like this (for most people), there's no backtracking.

There's a saying: "act like you've been there before." Clearly she feels invaded because you've acted as though you're out of your league.

Yeah. It's crazy because the more I thought about it the worst I felt and the more I was able to see clearly why someone would be offended by it; I think I deserved it and . I didn't plan it and it was just a bone headed decision made in the spur of the moment out of excitement Did not anticipated what would follow. But all of the girls I spoke with directly after (generally my friends) thought I acted very foolish (which I accepted form the get go) but kinda thought she overacted or was dramatic somewhat.But I am here today because I wanted an unvarnished view about the situation from people who don't know me personally.

Once again, your friend's opinions and observations is/are irrelevant. It's HER opinion and hers alone that matters.

Even better, indiscreet.

However I can't help thinking she over-reacted a bit. If I was on a date and the girl surreptitiously took my photo to show her friends what a hot date she had landed, I think I would be inclined to see it in a positive light. Maybe she needs to lighten up a bit. Sounds like maybe Queryfox needs to find a girl who is a bit less impressed with themselves.

Yes I know Ragman...I should have not even have a phone at the table at all. But you know...I've never done anything like this before...NEVER. It was really unfortunate. I am feeling much better now since it happened (last saturday), but I've beat myself to the ground and have been depressed about it. I think the sadness I felt was mainly one of shame...giving he an image of me that was totally not me, and now thats what she must be thinking thats what I am.

Queryfox, maybe you did something you should not have done, but in my opinion the best dates are when both people are easy going, relaxed and willing to have a good time together. Of course each person should behave nicely, but if one of them feels they have to toe the line and avoid getting a bad grade then that's when the fun goes out of the window.

The best to expect, IMHO, is that it's a lesson learned. You'll never do that again.

If you had asked her if you could take her picture, she might have said yes but without her permission, it's seen as an invasion of privacy.

Tes...you made an important point. I guess I didn't think about it because if the situation was reversed, I would have had no problem with it. Now, this is not why I did it. Infact, the date was so good that I don't think she would have said no, if I had asked her. I just didn't think it thru...plain ol stupid boyish move. No agenda, whatsoever. But I really will never do something like that EVER and I am in no way explaining or justifying my action. I was just surprised that she was unable to look at the all the other things that worked right that night, to give me grace on this one. We chatted as if we were old friends...from about 6:30 to like 11:30...food drinks, talking about every thing else. Infact, she asked for another pitcher of drink when this happened. She just got really mad, asked for the check, and decided to leave. I deserve it (no doubt), but can't help but wonder why she wouldn't be graceful. I know that with the connection I was experiencing, I couldn't let her go for something like that...just didn't get that in return. Really appreciate it...I don't feel like I am vindicated (because I did bad), but at least you help me see that its possible that someone else could have reacted differently).

If it makes you feel any better, Queryfox, I once blew my half of a double date because I said to my male friend "Your girl is nice, but mine's a bit dumb. Still, she looks OK". I thought the noise in the bar would stop anyone else (her) hearing but it seemed I was wrong. I was mortified at the time but now I think it's funny.

Queryfox, it worries me the extent to which you are beating yourself up about this. It was a simple boyish thing to do, no biggie, and if she had any kindness in her she would forgive you. Sounds like maybe you had a lucky escape.

There's plenty of other fish in the sea. Good luck and happy fishing.

Hahahahah! Tes...you're hilarious! Hell...I feel much better. Hahaha! Whew! But thanks for your take on this. Now another thing I don't like to mention (since I want an objective view on the situation) was that during the date I noticed that she was still dealing with some baggage of a past relationship. She has two children ( 5 and 7) and is a single mother that are with her while in law school. She brought up the topic about her ex husband and quickly said "could we not talk about it because I don't want to cry, and I still see a counselor about it". To be honest, she's mentioned a few times that she gets really stressed and thats why she spends so much time on work and exercise. Non of this can justify my actions and may may not be relevant in anyway to what happen, but some of my friends were saying that she could be going through a lot of other things and that might have affected how she responded. I don't know for sure...I guess I'll never know, but she she was sweet during that time we were together.

Anything that implies you have ownership of a person is a bad move. Not just because it offends someone but because it shows a lack of consideration for others. Examples:
"Your girl/my girl"
Not needing permission to take or use someone else's image.

And in this instance, a guy thinking he'd be flattered cannot apply to show a negative reaction by a woman is an over reaction. You'd feel differently if you were constantly disregarded in this way. It comes down to a fundamental difference.

Tetty. I agree with you and I don't want you to think that there was any egos or anything about taking advantage of her. No...this is just a stupid mindless action. Something that has no reason...infact, I was liking everything about her that emotionally I was captivated and somehow incapable of thinking about doing anything selfish that would put her at a loss. It was just the dumbest unnecessary move ever. No MOTIVE...NO NEED. So I didnt even consider her being offended...if that had crossed my mind I probably wouldn't have done it at all.

Thanks Ragman!

first, learn better English. Seriously dude, my own English is broken but still more easy to read then your abbreviations...

to the point: Taking a picture during date might be cute or creepy, according to the situation. And by situation I mean personality. If you are one of that douches who drink beer on open street, wear baseball hat backwards and play cool (which resembles your writing) the yes, it was creepy because you wanted to play cool with your catch so openly.

If you are just normal guy who was proud to be with beautiful girl and wanted to show friends I don's see much harm.

There is no reasonable answer to this. Nobody can tell you how to proceed given so little info. The best thing you can do is to be honest to yourself - it is just a catch for you or are you serious with her. According to that take action. I think you'll best know what to do.