Balance in social situations with wife

Neither method of handling a group is right or wrong. I'm sure the people your wife focuses on (at least for a time) feel very special. And the people you talk with like the dynamics. Different strokes.

Why does this bother you so much? Is it that you want to leave earlier? If that's the case, then set a hard end time, add it as a calendar reminder on both phones, and that's when her ride is leaving.

If you want her to pay more attention to you at these parties, I think you need to suck it up and get over it. You have plenty of her time and attention at home. Let someone else have a share.

If you want her to meet more people during these social situations, recognize that she probably won't do so. A reasonable compromise is to introduce her around to everyone but then, once she gets her laser focus, let her. You can also rectify this by giving her other situations to meet these other people, say at a dinner. It's hard to ignore the two other people at dinner when there are four of you sitting close at a restaurant table.

Is it that you run out of things to say to all of these other people, and want to be socially rescued? Then, like I said, set the timer and have a built-in excuse. "Sorry, but it'll be an early night for us tonight. I'm looking to start a new exercise regimen and I like to jog early in the mornings." Or don't even offer an excuse. You don't have to. Just say thank you for the lovely time, it's got to be an early night for us, and then go. They won't send the party police after you if you leave early.

If you and your wife are hosting these gatherings, then host them out at a restaurant or the like, and you won't be stuck with the serving and cleanup.

You don't like it that she's not a social butterfly. So be it. She likes one on one conversations.

If the other person does not like your wife's attention, then that person would end the conversation, right?

Give your wife some credit. She finds another person to talk to and YOU have the problem. It seems to be your problem rather than hers.

what are you doing while she is speaking to someone else? do you hang around with them or are you able to make conversation on your own elsewhere in the group?

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The general idea of socializing is to spend time with other people. That means - your wife talks to someone other than you and you talk to someone/other people.

I don't go to parties to spend time chatting with my partner. He's there to chat with when I go home. Not that I 100% ignore him outside of the house, but we're going out to spend time with other people.

since you prefer speaking with groups of people, this is your time to go find a group to speak with

An alternative is to go to different social events. You don't always have to go to parties/events together. You can go to the type of event you prefer, while she has the opportunity to socialize in the way she prefers.

A question for you. Those that she engages with for 30 minutes to 2 hours, does it bother them? Or are they all good.

Another one. Do you think that it is good for your wife to not live in this one to one World with you and actually engage with others, thereby allowing her to be amongst other people in converse.

And one final one. It sounds as if you sit there and listen, watch, time even. That suggests that leaves on time as your focus is on her, to actually engage with others yourself. Could it be that you need yourself to learn some social skills so that when you are not alone with just your wife, you too are capable of conversing one on one with different people in social situations.

I believe if you did there would be a balance in social situations and stories to share when you both get home.

Thanks for the response. I guess it bothers me, I don't know really what to do when it happens, as she tends to talk (without gaps) so I normally just end up sitting there. Maybe I should just bring a book now wherever I go...incase it happens LOL

I guess I operate differently. If I'm in a conversation with somebody, I tend to engage in a communication style of back & forth, which allows for many people to enter and exchange. Her communication style is more like I talk, and you listen.

Cheers

I guess the thing is I'm a social butterfly also....and I want to be on that level without constantly interrupting her as she talks without pausing...but you are right, the people do listen! lol

Err...if you are a social butterfly - why aren't you talking to the other people in the room, rather than just sitting there? She only focus' on one person at a time, so surely there are other people in the room for you to talk to?

In fact, just plain why aren't you socialising with the others?

This ^.

You are not joined at the hip. So get up and talk to other people! Help in the kitchen. Go to the window or patio and look outside. There are lots of things to do at a social gathering that don't involve listening to your spouse drone on and on. In fact, that's kind of the point of social gatherings - someone else gets to listen to her go on.

wtf?

go talk to someone else

seriously. it would drive me mad if I went to a party with my partner and he followed me around and listened to all of my conversations with other people

let your wife enjoy her conversations and go talk to other people

IMHO, I think you're too involved with trying to help her 'grow' into what you consider what a social person might be. There needs to be a differentiation as two individuals in social situations out side of the home.

Sometimes when we are married, we can get too involved with the other person's growth. Allow her to do her thing... have her differences..unfettered. Let her socialize however she wants and grow her own way.