My husband's friends from first marriage and earlier

Reply Sun 12 Jul, 2015 07:09 am
I have been remarried for over two years and dated my husband for five years prior to that. My husband's friends still ask him not me to have their college age/adult children stay over in our home. I find that inappropriate. It is my feeling that the request should come to us both. Instead it is an e-mail to him with no mention of me either to ask or even inquire if I am well.

Then there are his friends from school who are all very wealthy, hedge fund baron wealthy, who always want to do boys weekends. My husband's financial circumstances have changed due to divorce and the economy. We did not have a honeymoon because the funds are not presently available for such things. My husband makes excuses because he does feel embarrassed about a small weekend trip being a big deal for him now financially, but I heard through a reliable source that they blame me and think I am controlling and hen pecking him.

There are friends that are still friendly with his ex who is very contentious towards us both because of the reduced financial situation, so it is very uncomfortable for me to be with these people who I know think this is me encouraging my husband to be stingy which it is not.

My husband does not want to admit how bad things are to people , and his ex dies not want to accept how circumstances have changed. So the easiest route for all is to blame me.

In short his friends either feel entitled to ignore me or judge me. My husband will not set things straight or expect any respect to be accorded to me. It is horrible and causing issues. We are both in our late 50s, and I am feed up with these people and their behavior.

Advice please!
Reply Sun 12 Jul, 2015 08:29 am
You need to make friends with his friends.

Contact them directly. They do not know you. So make the overtures. They were there first - this does not make them right-er or better. It just makes them first-er.

Here's a script (phone or email) -

    Hi Doug,
    It's me, Margie, Bill's wife. How are you and Susan and the kids? I wanted to extend an invitation to you to come over in August. And if Samantha wants to come on her own, that would be great, too. See you soon.

Essentially, you need to demonstrate your generosity, because right now it does not look that way to your husband's pals.

If they have any brains at all, they will see how you are living, and will understand that your husband can't just drop everything and go to Aruba for the weekend anymore, too.
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