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Sun 12 Jul, 2015 01:13 am
I'm being ignored, despised and just unliked by a guy that I'm attached too.. He has a baby with a girl I've known for sometime.. a very pretty girl.. he wants the American Dream..to have this life be just that and I could give that to him or anyone for that matter, she has no gratitude for him, she is just a girl who has always got every guy she has never wanted they flock to her, and she chooses who is acceptable as far as aesthetics and she gets them. She got him, via sexually first as all relationships shes ever had were drugs and sex. He is happy, He is getting and making what he wants his life for them to be. He should have what he craves for in this life. He is a charmer. But underneath that charm is a decent heart thats tainted with social and family (father, and grandparents) acceptability as far judgement from all people he knows and then his own fear of what could of been, and would never be. How do I get over a guy that I have gratitude for no matter what I am and am not in his life? Why do I want to make his happiness "better" by unrealistically providing to give him all the things he is working for to make for those he loves and cares for happy, when he doing it already for himself.. being a man (the idea he wants to be) a provider, a protector, a dream maker, a love maker, a future husband, a great dad, his effort is there to be all these ? He is giving it, and getting it, But she isn't grateful she is just his baby's mother, and is perfect looking to him, and they are compatible with alot.. I guess..maybe they are perfect.. I'm just trying to resist not seeing it and downplay her as not good enough, she is. I'm wrong. He is smart and knows whats good for him and who's best to be that in which she is. His. What do I do here? The thing is she also talks to me about how they have such great sex, but then right before saying this weeks prior said the passion is dead and gone, but its not for him, and she still likes that its not for him, I think is what she said, and then Said how he is annoyingly too happy, about being a family, and talks about going places and doing things too much and all these things she doesn't care about I got the impression she found it annoying, and not likable. What do you think? I just can't help but care about all of it.
Also the guy and I do have some sexual chemistry, and things have happened over the past 4 1/2-5 years a couple times. Just adding that to all the mix.
@deadheart1,
I just told someone else this. I am now going to tell you the same -
You are binge-watching a train wreck (and sometimes participating), and have been for far too long. You need to change the channel.
- Go out and meet other people. Say hi to people with baby strollers or walking their dogs. Chat with the cashier about the weather. Ask if the bus is late. Not relationships. Just, make minimal contact.
- You are obsessed and need a different outlet for your time, interest, and energies. Volunteer in your community. Take a class. Take on more responsibilities at work, or work overtime and make some $$. Go out with your friends. Go to the movies. Hit the gym. Read. Learn to needlepoint. Whatever.
- Consider seeing a professional to talk this out, or at least your clergyman or a trusted friend. But I caution you that your friends aren't equipped to truly help you, they aren't necessarily unbiased, and you should not ask them to choose or treat them like therapists. But there's nothing wrong with venting to them.
- Meet other guys and date them. Give them a chance; don't compare to this other guy. BTW, he's hardly your dream guy if he can be so easily persuaded to commit himself to this female player friend of yours.
- Then be like Elsa from Frozen and Let. It. Go.
I wouldn't call what that guy does "the American dream"; I'd call it "being a selfish pig".
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