I Don't Understand My Ex

Without going into details, I have reason to conclude that my ex has done this on purpose. In my case, of course, nothing appears except "Single" (actually, not even that since I hid relationship status), so I don't face the same problem as your friend.

Just follow up on this because I'm remain mystified....(BTW: the "In a Relationship" thing remains on her FB page). Here's a new twist: I actually get seated at a table next to one of my ex-GFs work colleagues, a woman. She says, "Jim?!" and smiles. We have a pleasant enough chat until I say "Well, I've missed all of you." I said it because I used to socialize with my ex-GFs work colleagues. At that point, the person totally turned off, asked for her check and left. About five days later, I went to the grocery store and ran into two more of my ex-GFs colleagues. They were both very chilly towards me, hardly looked me in the eye. What is up with this? I mean, we are all grown adults and my ex did break up with me, not the other way around. It seems rather childish, doesn't it? What are your thoughts? My guess is that my ex-GF has told them a lie about me and about the way the relationship ended to "save face."

Your thoughts are welcome! Obviously, it is not a question of solving a problem. I'm just curious to know if my guess about this behavior is consistent with your thoughts. Thanks, Jim

Well Jim you lost me when you made this a huge conspiracy. I can grasp the notion that the last gf was nasty and vindictive.........but now there is a huge contingent of ex girlfriends giving you the cold shoulder because of Facebook? I think I will not have any opinion on this

Only one ex-gf mentioned in this entire post. There is no "huge contingent" of ex girlfriends. My goodness, I'm just a nice traditional guy...not Don Juan. Re-read the most recent posts--same ex gf and what I am talking about is her colleagues' interaction with me post-break up. There is no conspiracy. I'm just wondering why the exes colleagues give me the cold shoulder. That's all.

My mistake, coworkers of ex, not gf's. I still think you are making a lot out of who knows what. I can't speculate on the workforce rumor mill, just be an adult and don't over react to provocations. Sometimes it's them not you. I recently learned of a former co-workers death...that was unexpected, but when I learned he killed himself because he had Parkingsons I realized that he must have known before he retired. His disposition went from friendly to hostile, so hostile I was at a loss to understand what happened. We had been so congenial, his wife was lovely. What I didn't know was that he was stricken with depression so overwhelming he became angry all the time because he learned of the Parkinson's and finally couldn't face the inevitable. He became a different person. Ultimately, it wasn't about me, he was suffering and couldn't deal or share it.
So perhaps this coldness has nothing at all to do with you, maybe (perhaps) folks have their own issues to deal with.

their relationship was/is with her. you were an add-on, a plus one.

when you were dating your ex, did her friends/colleagues ever ask you to do things independent of her? if not - you were a plus one, and now you're no one to them. you've been ghosted by them. no big deal.

ditto what ehbeth said

almost for sure the ex is acting like she is still with you to them, so when you act like you are not with her they need out fast.

Prob has nothing to do with you, but rather her lying trying to act like she is in demand/desirable.

Thanks for all the comments---helpful in getting the views of others! I agree, that her colleagues had no connection to me other than me being with my ex at the time, so they would not have anything to say to me really. And, I also completely agree with the comment by hawkeye...I think that there is a deceit going on. I think part of it is because my ex was always jealous if I spoke to her female colleagues, even just to make idle chatter at one of my ex's office parties. It was ridiculous jealousy because I only had eyes for my ex. I think my ex would deceive them because some of her female colleagues might pursue me if they knew that she'd broken up with me. Oh well, just wanted to check with the experts here on Able2Know Greener pastures are in my future; of that, I am certain.

Well, I think the mystery is solved. When I was cleaning my bathroom, I found an empty prescription bottle. It was my ex-gf's prescription. It listed a medication to be taken for: Bi-Polar disorder. I didn't know what that was--heard of it, that's all--so I looked it up on the Internet. I felt immediate relief knowing that I had truly lucked out when she ended the relationship. Considering we were heading down the path to marriage...the divorce rate for relationships where one spouse is bi-polar is 90 percent.

Dont know about the number but know that it is high. And there is usually abuse before the end. Meds can help, but it is always going to be steep hill.

You were in a relationship talking about marriage and she never told you that she has this diagnosis....that is a really bad sign about what would have happened.

Yes, she was always pushing for an engagement and it got worse towards the end. I was always saying that we ought to wait--that we were in our 40s and there was no plan for kids, so what's the big rush? She wanted an engagement, wanted to distance me from my relatives, made really hateful comments about my elderly parents (she said "I can't wait until they are dead"), etc. So, I guess I can see where you are coming from when you mentioned "abuse." And, then there is the original issue in the post--namely, her apparent continued pretending to be in an relationship with me (her FB listing). I think I need a serious break from dating.

She was trying to fill a hole in herself, with you.

It would not have worked.


You need to figure out how you ended up with a damaged woman. You got out before things got too bad, but how far would you have gone? This is not serious enough to where the standard advise " dont date till you fix you" applies I think, but a brief pause might be in order.

Oh Jim, if anyone ever tells you thy can't wait until your parents are dead, hot foot it out to the exit. Thats the nastiest thing Ive heard in a long time. She might regret her decision in fairly short time and reach out to you with profuse apologies, promising she will stay on her meds, and desperately try to make you feel sorry for her. Please don't resume a relationship, it's sad she has this problem but you can't fix her and living with a person who is unstable is a massive undertaking.

I have family members with bi-polar disorder, its a heartbreak. We love them and do what we can to support them, but getting married to a person who doesn't reveal bi-polar disorder is very troubling. Managing bi-polar requires everyone to be on board, being able to recognize the signs when/if they stop their meds.

Actually if she does not tell a BF after two months or 5 dates, which ever comes first, then prospects for either the relationship or the long term stability of her are dim. I dont really care how good her victim story is in this regard or how much she has trust issues....she had an obligation to disclose before any guy got very deeply involved, because this is a problem that any guy who is with her is going to deal with every day he is with her.

And when people who love you come and tell you that you are acting bad or goofy you (THE BP) need to be able to take them seriously no matter how much their claims seem nuts to you. You have to place that kind of value on the opinion of the people who love you. I dont see how that was ever going to happen here.

It's a complicated disorder. Sometimes people stop taking their meds because they really enjoy the manic state, they are never ready for the crash. I'm not making excuses for this woman, it was stunningly dishonest, especially the fact she kept her meds at his place.

Managing BP, even if its successful, doesn't mean the individual will become a nice person. There are a lot of dishonest people who are not suffering with BP.
Since the OP was kept in the dark, and also her anger over his parents and resentment about her parents is a big red flag. She's apparently being treated for BP, but she is also very controlling, and likes playing mind games. She's trouble, and he is better off with this gal out of his life.

as BP people tend to do. And emotional abuse is very very common from them.

EDIT: it might be that you are not close enough to the BP in your life to know all of the gory details.

Oy.

You dodged a bullet.

I think it's a good idea for you to step back. No matter what, her saying that about your folks? That's not just a dealbreaker, it's a sign of massive problems. Even if you hadn't found her meds, it would point in the direction of her being really ill.

As I said, you dodged a bullet.

well, how can you expect others to have amassed the huge pile of human experience you have acquired. We are but mere mortals. You actually made me laugh, I agreed with you and that wasn't good enough. You can't take yes for an answer.