6
   

is this the final goodbye?

 
 
nehati
 
Reply Sat 4 Jul, 2015 11:12 am
I was in a relationship with this man for 8 years now. Because of non-commitment and he hurt me by hiding a big thing which happened in his life few months back. I was not really able to accept that, i felt like i lost the trust, what if he hides other things from me again. I was not able to accept it, although we were together in these past few months, I started feeling very negative and started having arguments. I even stopped all contact for few days. I started feeling that I couldnt move forward with this negativity in my heart, neither I was sure how I will live apart from him. I could feel that things were going worse. I used to send him lot of texts blaming him. I was so hurt with some recent happening in his life that I wrote to him saying that I dont feel happy, and that I was always supportive of him but what did he do. I said I want to end the relationship. Then later when I talked to him, I explained that how we couldnt go forward and should end it. In fact, I haven been bringing this from few months now. I also said things in a bad way. Finally, he told me that I had hurt him by saying that I did favours to him and that whatever he thought about me, he couldnt see the same way again. He said that finally I had succeeded in breaking the relationship and that I wanted him to end, so that the blame goes to him, not me. Its not what I wanted. I felt like if i am not happy, he will also not be with me, its better to live our lives separately, but not end on a bitter note. He told now he doesnt even feel like talking to me. he has now blocked my nos., so I really cannot call him. He had even said that he will change his no. so that I can never call him. I didnt mean to hurt him like this, just was telling him how hurt I feel everyday. I have sent him email explaining my side as he wont let me talk to him. I told him that I just want to talk to him once before we call it off in the email and text. I am not even sure that he reads my email or text. I stopped calling/texting after that.
I doubt that he will reply. I just dont want to end like this. What do I do? He definitely doesnt want me to contact him. I despeartely tried calling from different nos. but he just wouldnt talk to me. Should I accept that its over and move on? I love him
 
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sat 4 Jul, 2015 11:39 am
@nehati,
If you loved him, and didn't want the relationship to end, you should not have told him repeatedly that you wanted it to be over.

He finally got the hint, and now he's gone.

Next time, say what you mean, and mean what you say. It's a lot easier on everyone.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 4 Jul, 2015 02:54 pm
@nehati,
You love him? you don't trust him; I am guessing that is for good reason, from your view.

I also guess you have fear of being alone. Being alone can be refreshing. Move along.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Sat 4 Jul, 2015 04:27 pm
@nehati,
Why do I get the feeling this is more "long distance" for the past 8 years?

Text message/ emails.

If something happened a few months back that he did not discuss, hid as others have said, there is no trust, this is not the right guy for you in any event.

However, I'm concerned about the bombardment of text messages, putting him down, constantly telling him he has hurt you, over and over and over and over, off course he's had enough now of all those messages. What has he got to go by, what has he got to remember, be happy about?

You made the bed, now you must lie in it. Blaming someone over and over and hurting them and putting them down and telling them it's their fault, that you don't love them, etc, etc, etc. Is not the way to encourage growth and love within a relationship.

If he did not commit to you over 8 years, he never will. If you felt that by doing the blame game and put downs was going to make him marry you and realise what he had, it was never going to happen.

Be kind to yourself, go learn how to love yourself, find someone that you get along with and laugh and love and are happy with, after. Don't sit back 8 years wasting your life on someone that is not suitable and if you were in a long distance relationship, try one next to home next time.
nehati
 
  1  
Reply Sat 4 Jul, 2015 04:43 pm
@FOUND SOUL,
It wasnt a long distance relationship. It was agreed that we cant get married. I stayed because I loved him more than I wanted to get married.
Now, I felt that even though I love him, it kills me everyday to be with him, I dont feel happy anymore. I also miss him now. So, I am confused what exactly do I want. Now, its not even my choice as he ended it
0 Replies
 
nehati
 
  1  
Reply Sat 4 Jul, 2015 09:34 pm
@jespah,
I love him, thats true. I wasnt happy anymore thats why wanted to end. I didnt know a good way to say this. I tried in a nice way, but he said something that I had to consider again. But, I just want happy. I lost all control and said some very bad things, somewhere I was trying to hurt him, the way he had done to me. Is it not possible that you love someone, but the circumstances force you to separate from them?
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Sat 4 Jul, 2015 09:47 pm
@nehati,
nehati wrote:

I love him

/

I was trying to hurt him


these two phrases don't belong in the same relationship

___

It sounds as if both of you are ready to move on.

Good luck in the future.
0 Replies
 
Below viewing threshold (view)
Ionus
 
  -3  
Reply Sat 4 Jul, 2015 10:30 pm
@glitterbag,
Since they tasked the hamsters to sock puppet and write these things as a revenue effort .
Below viewing threshold (view)
Ionus
 
  -3  
Reply Sat 4 Jul, 2015 10:35 pm
@glitterbag,
Now, fancytestical, remain calm . 'Tis only the internet . I would tell you the same but you have no hope of anyone volunteering for that filthy job .
Below viewing threshold (view)
jespah
 
  6  
Reply Sun 5 Jul, 2015 08:24 am
Keep the arguments off these kinds of questions. People have legit questions and they don't want to hear about your spats that go back God knows how many years.
0 Replies
 
 

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