Don't feel safe in my marriage

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How can I regain emotional security in my marriage?Ok, so my husband and I have been married for about 10 years. Things have been rocky from the beginning. About 7 years ago my husband cheated on me. I forgave him, we worked through it and stayed together. However, a lot of things were said then and have been said since that, even though forgiven, have left emotional scars. My husband has had a hard time respecting my wishes and often tells his single friends what kind of woman to marry so they don't make the same mistake he did. Anyway the real problem is in the bedroom. I have a really hard time relaxing or letting him see my body. He gets really mad that I won't be on top or get into it at all; I just close my eyes. I want to I just can't do it. After a lot of self evaluation I have come to the conclusion that I just don't feel emotionally safe. He's made many comparisons to me over the years especially in bed but I don't think that's all of it. I think I'm subconsciously afraid to become vulnerable because I'm afraid he'll hurt me again either with words or actions. I know he's not cheating and he's trying really hard to make things better. He compliments me all the time even though I just had our 3rd child and still can't lose this baby weight. He does nice things for me and tells me he loves me constantly. I still can't fix this bedroom thing. I need some suggestions on how to fix this. I feel like I'm the one hurting him now and it's not fair but even though I try I can't even force myself to do it.....