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I cheated a year ago and now my wife has an STD

 
 
Reply Fri 3 Jul, 2015 04:43 am
Hi,

A year ago my wife and I had a big bust up with my wife. We agreed i'd leave for the night. I was really angry, but had agreed to stay at my parents place.

On the way I got a bit drunk, and met a prostitute. I didnt do the deed as I couldnt do what was needed.

We ended up going to counselling over the past year, and all has improved a lot. We were in a good place.

Clearly I could do enough though, as I found out today that I had contracted chlymidia. I got treatment for it at the testing so i'm on the way to being clear.

I told my wife tonight. Well she is very upset understandably. I told her because she needs to get treated too.

We have young kids and a big mortgage. We've been together for 7 years.

I really dont want to lose her, we've had ups and downs but overall she is great and I love her. We've made some great progress. My wife has also been suffering depression which I think has been going for a long time, but she has been on meds for a couple of months which have helped.

I've told her how sorry I am, and that I understand she probably wants to split up. This would be hard on her though because of our money situation and looking after three kids. She is pretty cold and doesnt know what to do.

Is there any chance we can recover from this? Does anyone have any tips that would help?

I realise I am a total f**kwit - no need to remind me.

Thanks
 
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Fri 3 Jul, 2015 10:00 am
@jimsmith,
Go to counseling some more. Good that you have, but you're not done yet.

This revelation has probably opened up some old wounds and you have to recognize that you'll need to regain ground with her. Again.

In the meantime, parent your kids as well as you can, and of course finish up your treatment regimen. Do whatever exercises or role-playing your therapist wants, and do so gladly.

And hope for the best.

It might or might not be irretrievably broken now. Try to have some patience (I realize that it's hard). Hang in there.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Fri 3 Jul, 2015 10:15 am
@jespah,
I'm also wondering if you can get signs of a Chlamydia bacterial infection as long as a year later. I looked Chlamydia up quickly and see you can get signs of it several weeks after infection. A whole year? I don't know if a year is usual or not. That would be a question for your m.d.

I'm not a doctor, but you might speak with yours again, presuming you already have spoken with him or her to get that medication.
juliareiner
 
  0  
Reply Fri 3 Jul, 2015 01:50 pm
@jimsmith,
I'd say check up more on the diseases, see a couple of doctors. Meanwhile see a good counselor. When you say she's "cold" is it because she clams up? A good counselor will help shed light... best of luck to you.
0 Replies
 
jimsmith
 
  0  
Reply Fri 3 Jul, 2015 11:22 pm
Thanks for the replys. Didn't get much sleep last night. We spoke a little this morning, and she was actually quite calm and caring, as I was really upset. Now she is going through anger. Touch and go at this stage. She is going to the dr on Monday. That might be the end of it.
Wilso
 
  1  
Reply Sat 4 Jul, 2015 01:57 am
So you used a prostitute, and didn't use a condom? Maybe you should be thankful you only got a treatable infection!
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jimsmith
 
  0  
Reply Sat 4 Jul, 2015 02:34 am
Sorry I should have clarified. It was attempted oral. Because I couldn't perform the condom wouldn't go on. Ended up giving up after about 10 minutes. Not an excuse - just the story. That's why I was surprised I got something. I totally deserved this, my wife and children didn't. I realise I am scum.
0 Replies
 
dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Sat 4 Jul, 2015 03:06 am
@ossobuco,
ossobuco wrote:

I'm also wondering if you can get signs of a Chlamydia bacterial infection as long as a year later. I looked Chlamydia up quickly and see you can get signs of it several weeks after infection. A whole year? I don't know if a year is usual or not. That would be a question for your m.d.

I'm not a doctor, but you might speak with yours again, presuming you already have spoken with him or her to get that medication.


It's notoriously silent. Many years to diagnosis was the norm until there was a reliable test. There may well be symptoms but they are frequently mis diagnosed. I speak from bitter experience.
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dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Sat 4 Jul, 2015 03:08 am
@jimsmith,
jimsmith wrote:

Thanks for the replys. Didn't get much sleep last night. We spoke a little this morning, and she was actually quite calm and caring, as I was really upset. Now she is going through anger. Touch and go at this stage. She is going to the dr on Monday. That might be the end of it.


**** happens.

We do dumb stuff.

Nowadays chlamydia is not a huge deal.

Forgive yourself and work with the woman you love. Good luck. Hope it works out well.
0 Replies
 
Wilso
 
  1  
Reply Sat 4 Jul, 2015 03:42 am
Without going into too much detail.
The mouth has lots of germs.
Teeth brushing for both people beforehand.
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jimsmith
 
  6  
Reply Thu 18 Aug, 2016 06:02 am
Hi, not sure if anyone will read this but just want to put it out there.
It's been over a year, and we are still together. In fact we are stronger than ever. In a strange way we both agree that it is one of the best things for our relationship that happened. It hasn't been easy. Lots of counselling, honesty, and behaviour change. Too much to mention. But we now have the kind of relationship that I didn't think was possible.
For anyone out there who has done something really stupid like me, there is hope if you work at it and want to change.
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Thu 18 Aug, 2016 06:20 am
You would have had symptoms way before one year. Did you have any symptoms earlier and just ignore them? What brought YOU to the Dr.?

This is a pin-pong disease, so you and your wife could have been passing this back and forth between you two for a long time.
ossobucotemp
 
  2  
Reply Thu 18 Aug, 2016 06:31 am
@jimsmith,
Thanks for letting us know. I'm happy for you both, and the kids of course.
jimsmith
 
  1  
Reply Fri 19 Aug, 2016 02:07 am
@PUNKEY,
Hi Punkey,
Actually the symptoms can lay dormant for a long time. I've learned a lot about the disease over the past year!
I didn't actually notice the standard symptoms. I had a slight pain in my back which I could tell wasn't muscular. That lead me to get tested just to rule anything out, which of course it didn't but at least I knew. The back pain went away, so it may have been my body telling me something, who is to say.
My wife got tested after I told her, and we didn't have unprotected sex until the clearance had passed for her antibiotics. The irony is that she didn't even have it! Not sure how over the course of a year she didn't get it, but there you go.
0 Replies
 
jimsmith
 
  1  
Reply Fri 19 Aug, 2016 02:09 am
@ossobucotemp,
Thank you ossobuco. I realise now how good a marriage and family can be, and I never want to risk that again. The kids (who have been shielded from it all) cant believe that we hardly ever fight. I never thought I'd say it, but this whole experience has been a blessing in disguise for all of us - and one that I never want to subject anyone to ever again.
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  1  
Reply Fri 19 Aug, 2016 02:21 am
@jimsmith,
Good to hear some good news after all this time.
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lala72
 
  0  
Reply Sat 24 Sep, 2016 08:36 am
@jimsmith,
Jimsmith first just let me say that to whoever said now a days chlamydia is not a big deal...the hell its not, especially when you give it to an undeserving partner/spouse. Not trying to kick you when your down I just think that's a big deal unlike whoever said it wasn't IMO! As being the cheated on wife let me tell you it is fixable, it isn't the end of the world (though it may feel that way at the time) and doesn't have to be an end to your marriage. I have forgiven my husband and things are good between us. However it's very hard for me to forget, it torments me sometimes to much, but I never throw this in his face because I feel that if I chose to forgive I should not keep throwing this up anytime I get mad or am feeling insecure. You need to give your wife a lot of extra attention and love because I'm sure like me she's feeling as if it was her fault and wondering what she isn't giving you that you need, and that something is wrong with her and she is lacking something. It kills your heart and self-esteem. Please be gentle, patient and kind to your wife she needs that more than ever. I wish you both the best and remember you can right this wrong. Best of luck.
0 Replies
 
Eliusa
 
  1  
Reply Sat 24 Sep, 2016 05:37 pm
@jimsmith,
It happened in past for wich you are forgiven. So she must understand and
I hope she will. Good luck
0 Replies
 
 

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