I CHEATED on my boyfriend and HE KNOWS!

@HopelesslyStupid,

If he snoops and spends months or a year or what ever trying to find out if you are telling the truth or not (he is only your boyfriend, you do not have a ring on it, we make mistakes) , then do you want a controlling person in your life that also does not accept what you have stated and continues to try to find out?

I wouldn't.

What you have to realise is. Until you are committed to marry and marry, you are going to make mistakes, it's human nature to do so. What ever those mistakes are. In my opinion, this guy may be the one but he may prove not to be.. At this point in time the person you owe an explanation and answer to, is you. If you found it, then that's all that matters.

2 Replies

@HopelesslyStupid,

HopelesslyStupid wrote:

I completely agree.
& honestly I don't think it would have. But then I would have never imagined that I would be in the position I am in right now.
I am just seeking general advice. . I don't know what else to say. I am going to visit him within the next 4 weeks and I am just soooo confused. He has more important things to be worrying about right now. But I feel like I need to come clean. The problem is we will have no alone time & I really don't think it's the right place to tell him.

I just don't want him to actually propose without knowing the truth.

You're not listening to a word I said....yet you say you completely agree. Rolling Eyes

He already knows the truth.

He found you naked with someone, and so knows you didn't get that way without putting his dick in your mouth, or something similar at some point during the process of getting nekkid..

Stop acting naive.

1 Reply

@HopelesslyStupid,

HopelesslyStupid wrote:

I just don't want him to actually propose without knowing the truth.

you don't have to say yes right now

thank him and let him know this is something to discuss once he's home permanently

You do not have to say yes right now.

1 Reply

@HopelesslyStupid,

HopelesslyStupid wrote:

My boyfriend ended up wanting to have sex with me that night, it was like him finding me naked with someone else turned him on.

have you talked to your boyfriend about this? I think it's actually more important to the relationship than a lot of the other stuff.

hawkeye is right about the implications

1 Reply

@HopelesslyStupid,

truthfully, if I got a letter like that I'd probably say "**** you" and move on to a less grudge-holding kind of partner

he seems to be looking for something to hold against you and isn't going to let things go

1 Reply

@FOUND SOUL,

this

FOUND SOUL wrote:

If he snoops and spends months or a year or what ever trying to find out if you are telling the truth or not (he is only your boyfriend, you do not have a ring on it, we make mistakes) , then do you want a controlling person in your life that also does not accept what you have stated and continues to try to find out?

I wouldn't.

is spot on

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

this

FOUND SOUL wrote:

If he snoops and spends months or a year or what ever trying to find out if you are telling the truth or not (he is only your boyfriend, you do not have a ring on it, we make mistakes) , then do you want a controlling person in your life that also does not accept what you have stated and continues to try to find out?

I wouldn't.

is spot on

No it is not, because unless I missed something all we have been told about is this guy has been great about this so far and everything else, so why are we talking about him being a controlling asshole? Are you women really so hard up that you cant talk about a woman doing wrong without diverting the conversation to "MEN SUCK!" ?

2 Replies

@hawkeye10,

hawkeye10 wrote:

I missed something

that about covers it

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

hawkeye10 wrote:
I missed something

that about covers it

Doubtful.

You are making negative assumptions about the guy. When the girl says "maybe one day he will find out" you cant assume that she is meaning that she thinks he will snoop. This is the guy who catches her with a nakid guy and that very day is horny for her, says tell me everything now and then drops it so far as we know. Given how little he has cared to date what makes you think he would be emotionally invested enough to go to any work to find out what really happened? I suspect that his response was more on the lines of "good, I might be able to talk her into a threesome some day!".

I think the major problem here is that he gave what seemed to be a limited time forgiveness holiday for what ever happened if she told the truth, she did not, it is eating this woman up and she fears that she will blab one day and he will take it very poorly because she blew the one chance he gave her to come clean. Which was a very gentlemanly gesture on his part. And she says that he has never been abusive. So lets stop with the assumptions that he might be an asshole MKay?

2 Replies

@hawkeye10,

hawkeye10 wrote:

hawkeye10 wrote:
I missed something

then drops it so far as we know.

he hasn't dropped it

you seem to have missed a whole section of this thread

0 Replies

@HopelesslyStupid,

hawkeye doesn't miss a thing

Rolling Eyes

HopelesslyStupid wrote:

Today I got a letter in the mail from him that says :

But before I truly forgive you, you must come clean with answers to all the questions you think I might ask.

I want you to write it down and hold on to it until I come home.

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

Quote:

But before I truly forgive you, you must come clean with answers to all the questions you think I might ask.

I want you to write it down and hold on to it until I come home.

Doesn't this cry.

"I forgive you"
"Let's have sex, you're mine"
"Shirt I had sex and she may have with him"
" I don't truly forgive you"
" Now do what I say, come clean".
"I want"
"You must"
"Wait until I get home".

True, Hawkeye does not miss a thing...................

0 Replies

@FOUND SOUL,

You do have a point. He is not controlling at all though. I just think he wants closure. And so would I.
But I do get your pint of view. Maybe you are right. I have no obligation to tell him every detail. I just feel that maybe it is the right thing to do.

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@chai2,

If he already knows the truth then what is the point of all of this. I don't think that he does know.

0 Replies

@ehBeth,

This is true. & this is probably the best route for me right now. I just wouldn't want him to feel hurt or embarrassed to ever ask again. You know?

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@ehBeth,

We talked a little about this. & the conversation led to us being truthful and honest about a lot of things we have thought about or have ever wanted to do. It helped us be more open about our intimacy. It was a bittersweet moment.

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@ehBeth,

After what happened for the four months that he was home befor he left for the military. Things were great and we never spoke about what happened after the day it happened. I just think he is worried about what is going on back here at home while he is away.

1 Reply

@HopelesslyStupid,

My wife was 26 years army, and I know that most couples have an understanding that what happens on deployment stays on deployment. I also think that what is eating you is not what he thinks when he is away, but rather what you did when he was here.

1 Reply

@hawkeye10,

He has been really understanding about what he knows & seriously I couldn't have asked for a more understanding person.
That's one of the biggest reasons why I feel so guilty. If he was willing to listen and understand then I should have just told him everything

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@hawkeye10,

EXACTLY! I couldn't have said it any better myself. The guilt is just eating me alive. But some of the points here in saying a shouldn't tell him actually makes sense

0 Replies

I CHEATED on my boyfriend and HE KNOWS!

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