Sun 21 Jun, 2015 11:45 pm
My boyfriend and i were together for 2 years and i recently found out that i had an std. I confronted him about it he denies it, and is trying to say that i must have gotten it from another guy. In the beginning of our relationship everything was amazing and perfect, a couple months in i got pregnant , i decided to not have it because i was too young. Around this time i started noticing he would leave comments on other woman's photos about how he wanted to wake up to them and they were beautiful. I forgave him after months of breaking up with him for it, because i figured it was a dumb action and it wouldn't happen again. I am the first and only black girl he has ever been with, he's normally attracted to hispanic females from what i saw from our relationship. After this first incident things were going great with us, and i got pregnant again. Around the second time i got pregnant i started seeing things i didnt like. He was adding exs on instagram and always claimed he never knew how they got there. I would tell him to delete them, he would start an argument with me and not want to do it. After the second abortion things got worse and worse. He seemed to not care for me at all, he was still telling me he loved me and bringing me gifts and staying with me but i felt something was wrong. We broke up several months ago because i suspected he was doing something because his contact with me got less and less. the entire time of our relationship i always got std testing and not once did it come back positive. Until the last time we had a huge fight, i decided to break up with him . He kept trying to contact me through other mediums and i ignored all his attempts,7 months later he reached out to me and i decided to see where things went since I loved him so much. We were going to get married move together, or so this is what he was telling me. The last time he came back we promised to work things out and begin being honest with eachother. Everything seemed to be going good and smooth until i found out he followed another ex on social media that i had previously had an issue with, I decided that was the last straw. I asked him has he had sex with anyone before we broke up or after, he still proclaimed that he didn't. He accused me of cheating on him weeks before i went to the doctor. I went to the doctor due to back and stomach pain, we were speaking cordially although he was in another state.He constantly expressed being in love with me, and i was the love of his life. I found out i was pregnant again and we were discussing what we were going to do about that situation, and my doctor called me and told me i had an std . RIGHT NOW IM HEARTBROKEN SHATTERED, I NEVER ONCE CHEATED ON HIM OR WANTED ANOTHER MAN. I LET HIM MOVE INTO MY HOME, HAD HIM CLOSE TO MY FAMILY SO TO IMAGINE HIM HAVING SEX WITH ANOTHER WOMAN, AND UNPROTECTED MAKES ME SO HURT I CAN'T PUT IT IN WORDS. HE WON'T ANSWER ANY OF MY QUESTIONS, HE'S AVOIDING ANY CONTACT WITH ME SO I HAVE NO EXPLANATIONS. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY WOULD HE DO THAT TO ME,AND THE SAD PART IS IF IT WASN'T FOR THE STD I WOULD HAVE NEVER KNOWN HE WAS SLEEPING WITH OTHER WOMAN UNPROTECTED. It makes me feel very insecure, someone i shared my body with was sharing his body with whatever female passed his way. I told him i had previously been through the same situation before him with an ex, i d'ont get why would he do the exact same thing to me? I don't know who the female is so all i can do is wonder, What did he do with her? Did he care about her? Why would he betray me like that? Is it just because he wasn't attracted to me? Will i ever get over this? How can i get closure on this situation?
You should just stop wondering or trying to make sense of it. It only keeps the wound open. I know it's hard to just let it all go like that but honestly it's the best for you. I know you cared about him deeply and it isn't so simple to just let that go. But as you continue to pine over it, it just keeps you hurting.
Move on. Find someone who wants you. It seems that this guy was not content to just be with you. Maybe that sounds too idealistic but when it comes to this sort of thing I look at it from two points of view.
A lot of people don't like to be alone, they would rather be in a terrible relationship than to be alone. That to me is crazy. So you have to ask yourself what are you willing to have for your own sanity.
If you can be comfortable with the idea of being alone then when it comes to relationships you can objectively see if they are going to be healthy or just another emotional disaster.
If you are attached to the idea of needing to have a relationship then you will latch on to a guy who might not be very healthy for you.
There is a price for everything. I don't mean financial price. I mean the price of going through the experience like you have. You continue to allow him to hurt you by thinking that you would rather be with him than to not be.
To add to this, I think you need to add a practical measure into the mix. I'm sorry to bring it up but you got pregnant three times and you didn't want to be pregnant.
This means your birth control method (if you are even using one) is not working for you. I don't know why your doctor isn't talking to you about this, as three abortions (even two) is a lot for one body to take.
I urge you, no matter what you do in terms of your sex life, to get a better form of birth control, learn how to use it properly, and maybe start using condoms a lot more regularly. This will help keep you from getting pregnant again and help keep you from potentially getting another STD. I know you are hurting but you need to also consider your own health needs here.
I completely understand what you mean. But in regards to being in a terrible relationship just so i wont be alone that's false, I continued to stay with him because i never suspected him of cheating i just assumed we had our differences we are both young and growing up. I assumed he had issues, i just never thought he didn't love me and would betray my trust like that. That is what it hurting me the most, i called off the relationship so im not afraid to be alone. I just want to know how to get closure on this situation because all the lingering questions are eating me up inside.
He likes the CHASE. That's what's exciting for him. Once he has you, he is bored and starts "the chase" with other women.
Is this the kind of husband you want? Do you think he can be a good father?
He sounds like a narcissist, a liar, a cheat and a sex addict. Is that what you want?
You are absolutely right, I dont get why people like that dont just leave. Why stay in a relationship for 2 years if you really dont the woman?