I AM NOT YET DIVORCED.. I HAVE BEEN LEAGALY SEPERATED FOR A YEAR THIS MONTH AND THEN THE DIVORCE WILL BE VALID... I HAVE BOUGHT A HOUSE FOR ME AND THE KIDS AND MADE A TOTAL LIFE CHANGE. THIS MAN WAS THE FIRST ONE I HAVE BEEN WITH...HE MADE ME REALIZE I COULD LET MY SELF FEEL AND RISK AGAIN.. I AM BETTER FOR KNOWING HIM.. AND HE SAYS I HAVE MADE HIM FEEL WHOLE AGAIN... I DO THINK THAT AT THIS POINT IN HIS LIFE HE NEEDS TO DATE A LOT OF WOMAN.. HE MARRIED HIS HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART AT 19 AND WAS MARRIED TO HER FOR 12 YEARS...UNTIL HE FOUND SHE HAD BEEN CHEATING ON HIM.. THEN DURING HIS DIVORCE HE STARTED LIVING WITH THE WOMAN HE MARRIED NEXT.. AND THEY WERE TOGETHER 10 YEARS.. UNTIL SHE CHEATED ON HIM... I KNOW HE HAS A LOT OF TRUST ISSUES..
Flash ~ That guy has a lot
DEBRA, as you said. you know in your heart if you hadn't been a happy confident woman at the time you met your man he wouldn't have given you a second glance? that is what i am saying exactly on line i was me without hesitation or limitations, i was my charming wonderful self... but when we met my self consiousness took over. and i was editing myself and second guessing myself.. i must have seemed like two different people. which is something he has said about his ex. you just don't know who you are going to meet in the morning... and she was extremely insucure and he did all he could to make her feel safe and loved but she was constintly checking on him... so there i was two different people and insucre.. no wonder he ran.. but i am not that person... i was still seeing myself through my exes eyes. as an ugly , fat, worthless, invisable woman...but about 2 months ago after a lot of walking, and soul searching "he" my ex was out of my head. and for the first time in 16 years i looked in the mirror and saw me! for who i really am!! and i want to share this inner joy of finding myself with the man i met.. is that so pathetic??
Hi, Flash -
I've read and re-read Deb's postings and I don't think she was implying that you're being pathetic. I think what she was trying to say (and this is just my take on it) that this man seems like he was the "rebound" guy. You know, the guy we float along with in between substantial relationships. We've all had them, and once we've moved on we know that they have their place, but they're ultimately just a rung on our own personal ladders of life.
Glad to hear you're doing so well! Hang in there! You'll find someone who's a better fit for you, I promise!
Just wanted to thank everyone who took time to reply.. I really apprieciate it!!! "he" immed me last night.. nothing great.. just checking in and catching up a bit..didn't ask me if i was seeing anyone.. even though last time we chatted i asked him if he was seeing anyone special... he said that would be hard to talk about with me.. i said why? you said we were friends who could talk about anything? so that is when he told me he was seeing someone for about a month.. that it was nothing serious and he was in no rush and taking his time.. i had e-mailed him about two weeks ago that i had gone way out of my comfort zone and met a guy at the park who winked at me on match.com on sat.. usualy i chat for weeks and talk on the phone before meeting.. so i would think that he would have asked me how was it going with park guy? but he didn't .. nothing personal at all really..if he thought of us as "just friends" wouldn't he want to ask? he says he wants me to meet someone and be happy? again thank you for all of your responses..
He has closeness issues, Flash. This is the best he's able to do. It's nothing personal. He's going to be this way with anyone he meets.
Sounds like you need more out of a relationship than this guy's able to give, so he wasn't right for you anyway.
Keep trying. There are people out there who are a better fit for you.
Best of luck!
THANKS SUEZCUE!! I JUST DON'T GET WHY HE HAD NO PROBLEM GETTING CLOSE TO ME ONLINE.. I KNOW IT IS EASIER TO OPEN UP WHEN YOU ARE NOT IN FRONT OF SOMEONE..BUT HE WAS SO emotionally AVAILABLE TO ME ONLINE.. IN one OF OUR IM'S AFTER WE MET.. I SAID HOW COME WHEN WE ARE TOGETHER WE DON'T TALK LIKE THIS... ABOUT HOW WE ARE FEELING.. HE SAID BECAUSE WHEN WE ARE TOGETHER WE CAN SEE IT AND FEEL IT... THEN ANOTHER TIME WHEN HE WAS BACKING AWAY.. HE SAID IT WAS harder TO CONNECT LATELY.. I SAID YOU OPENED UP TO ME ONLINE.. WE WERE SO CLOSE WHAT happened.. HE SAYS IT IS harder FOR HIM TO CONNECT IN PERSON.. I THINK IT IS BECAUSE OF HIS TRUST ISSUES WITH WOMAN STARTING WITH HIS MOTHER NOT BEING THERE FOR HIM AS A CHILD..AND HIS TWO WIVES CHEATING ON HIM.. HE THINKS THE RELATIONSHIP WILL END eventually SO HE sabotages IT HIMSELF.. SO YOU ARE MOST LIKELY RIGHT.. THAT HE IS NOT A GOOD FIT FOR ME.. BUT , HOW DO I STOP HAVING THESE FEELINGS FOR THIS MAN..MAYBE I THINK IF given THE CHANCE I CAN HELP HIM TRUST IN SOMETHING.. THAT I AM NOT LIKE THOSE WOMAN .. MAYBE it's THIS FEELING THAT I CAN BE THE ONE IN HIS LIFE THAT WON'T LEAVE HIM... DON'T KNOW BUT JUST FEEL THAT WHATEVER WE HAD IS NOT OVER.. IT LINGERS IN THE BACKGROUND...OF MY MIND.. our SONG COMES ON AND I FEEL HIM WITH ME.. I WANT A HAPPY LIFE.. AND I AM HAPPY....I AM SO TORN...
