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Why is dating so evil?

 
 
Reply Thu 11 Jun, 2015 10:43 am
Hallo, happy hamster's here.

Perhaps you saw my thread here: http://able2know.org/topic/279943-1

It was a story about me meeting 2 Russian women. Thank you very much to those who gave me valuable feedback. Most appreciated!

You know, there was that second Russian that I like quite a lot - probably as a friend and because of her personality . She seemed to be humble, hard working, mature, cute,... just right. All I wanted to be was her friend. We had some nice conversation, well from my side it worked quite ok. Can't say there would be some block. But yesterday I saw in her face when I just approached her and said hallo, just as I would say to person I am happy to see some... resentment... I contacted her on FB said just hallo but she utterly ignored me. What hurts me. Not because she would refuse me but WHY - I think and I'm pretty close that she considers herself too good for givim me her time.


There is another not-so-pretty Ukrainian. I wanted to be her friend too.But when I talked to Russian and smiled at her, since then she is distant from me. Why? Why don't we speak just like that?

There is one woman from Slovakia. Well... she is quite fat. When she saw me to smile on other girls, I could see the anger in her eyes. Anger pointed to me. Why????

Inever showed any deeper interest, I never asked her anything or suggested something. All I wanted was to be her friend with them. And now I feel this.





Well, to the point: All the time I meet some girl or try to establish any kind of relationship - friend, whatever, I see just cold calculations. Am I good enough for him? Shall I give him my attention? Will I play high value one?

When I was kid, I imagined me lying on the ground with girl, looking at starts, smiling and enjoying each other. Not only that never happend, but why is it so hard to make even female friend? Why every pretty girl refuses my offer of friendship for the reason I (better) do not know and why not so pretty girl looks at me with frown because I talk to that prettier one? Why is everybody trying to get his best from every situation? Why they calculate who's good and who's not enough? Why don't they just listen to their heart and do what pleases them? Where is love? Where is trust? Compassion? Empathy? Why so much insecurity? Arrogance? Pain? Disappointment? Loneliness and sorrow?

or am I doing something wrong with my life? All I want is trust. Friendship and love...
 
Vernon of Prague
 
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Reply Thu 11 Jun, 2015 11:12 am
@Vernon of Prague,
You know, I always wanted to be a gentleman when it came to women. Paragon of manhood. Strong, confident, honest, manly. After all why not, right?

But every time I encounter some girls, I end up in emotions as insecurity, lowered self esteem, calculation. Sometimes even anger, sorrow and disappointment.

Why is it so? I don't want to be such person. I feel for quitting. Accept life long solitude because this is the only honest, good and honourable way I see...

Being a good person means keeping distance from women. This is the only way I see...
Tes yeux noirs
 
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Reply Thu 11 Jun, 2015 12:04 pm
Joke about Eastern Europeans, told me by a Hungarian

One night a Russian, a Pole and a Czech are in a bar in a small village near a forest. The Russian says "The Russians are the best men in Eastern Europe". The Pole says "No, we are the best men.". The Czech says "We from the Czech republic are best".

The Russian says "In my country we have three tests to see who is the best man. First you have to drink a bottle of vodka. Second, you make love to the oldest woman in the village. Third, you go in the forest and wrestle with a bear"

The Russian drinks the vodka, and falls down unconscious.

The Pole drinks the vodka, goes to the oldest woman's house, comes back and falls down unconscious.

The Czech drinks the vodka, goes in the forest, and comes back bruised and cut, one ear missing, and says "Where is the old woman I have to wrestle with?"
Vernon of Prague
 
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Reply Thu 11 Jun, 2015 12:17 pm
@Tes yeux noirs,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90uPSya4ThY

Smile
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Vernon of Prague
 
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Reply Thu 11 Jun, 2015 12:24 pm
@Tes yeux noirs,
I know it might sound like I am having some really bad day and it's true but I mean it nevertheless. I have been thinking this for a long time. This is just the first time I am saying it out loud: dating corrupts people!

But thank you for your joke Mr. Frenchman. I really liked it. Smile
Ragman
 
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Reply Thu 11 Jun, 2015 12:41 pm
@Vernon of Prague,
I've read through your comments and I have some thoughts. You have some confusing dynamics going on. There's a certain amount of philosophizing mixed in with some moralizing...mixed in with some sort of cultural or perhaps religious issues.

Here's my thoughts in a nutshell:
Dating is not evil - nor is sexual attraction.
If Russian woman are a problem for you, why not date women from a culture with whom you are familiar -- let's say ones from your own country or group?
Vernon of Prague
 
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Reply Thu 11 Jun, 2015 01:14 pm
@Ragman,
Thank you Mr Ragman for your insight.

I have tried to date many women with many nationalities. Always the same result.

but I would like to ask instead: why do YOU believe dating does not corrupt? All people around me dating others sooner or later starts to show traits of arrogance, greed, insecurity, manipulativness. Hate to say that but according evolutionists this is the very nature of dating - deception of one person by another into believing that he's/she's better then actually is.
Ragman
 
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Reply Thu 11 Jun, 2015 02:00 pm
@Vernon of Prague,
You keep wanting to make this about philosophy. It is not a philosophical issue. This is far simpler than you seem to be inclined to make it. This is about finding a reasonable amount of happiness and possibly a romantic partner - not applying heavy analysis.

Quote:
but according evolutionists this is the very nature of dating - deception of one person by another into believing that he's/she's better then actually is.

I'll bet you can't quote one author who said such a thing. But let's not go off topic here...

If you want to find fault or moralize about dating or any human behavior, go right ahead. But doing so most likely won't allow you to find happiness with finding a date or a committed relationship. Don't misinterpret what I'm saying. That isn't to say the partner you seek should be shady or immoral, either.

If you're seeing what you perceive is corrupt behavior, I've no idea what to tell you because I am not observing what you are. Perhaps one of two things (or both) is going on. You are being hypercritical with unrealistically high standards..or the people you're observing are an unusual untypical group.

Is it possible you have a religious influence involved with this?
Sexual attraction and dating are the norm and should be acceptable behavior to you. If not, then you have some other issues going on.
Vernon of Prague
 
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Reply Thu 11 Jun, 2015 02:21 pm
@Ragman,
Hallo Mr. Ragman,

Where I see corrupted behaviour? Well, when I see people all by themselves, they are ok. When around dates, either insecure or arrogant. When alone relaxed and fun. When around dates tensed and judgmental. Alone minding their won business. Around dates minding what others think of them. Alone friendly and outgoing. With dates distant and overcautious...

Maybe you are right, maybe it's just me and nobody else. But why then do I get hurt every-single-time I get around women?

I do not have any faith or religion. But recently I realized I might need one. Men needs some foothold when times are tough... All I want is to be good person. Not the person life is turning me into That's why faith.

Quote:
I'll bet you can't quote one author who said such a thing. But let's not go off topic here...


no need because ever one of them. Matt Ridley in Red Queen for instace? (Red Queen to evolutionists is like bible to Christians - the very fundamental book).
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Ragman
 
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Reply Thu 11 Jun, 2015 02:24 pm
@Vernon of Prague,
Quote:
... I see just cold calculations. Am I good enough for him? Shall I give him my attention? Will I play high value one?
Furthermore, you're guessing at what women are thinking. That will get you nowhere because more than likely, you're wrong. Also it shows a very cynical and distrustful nature.
Vernon of Prague
 
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Reply Thu 11 Jun, 2015 03:34 pm
@Ragman,
Quote:
Furthermore, you're guessing at what women are thinking. That will get you nowhere because more than likely, you're wrong. Also it shows a very cynical and distrustful nature.


can't help but this seens very true. Nevertheless, regardless of my opinion, the outcome is always the same. It's better to at least guess situation then to blame fate.
jespah
 
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Reply Thu 11 Jun, 2015 04:22 pm
@Vernon of Prague,
Or you could maybe admit you're wrong and try something different. You know, like people do when a tactic doesn't work.

PS Women likely aren't thinking as calculating as you believe. More likely, they're just thinking you're ..., You know, I was going to write something not so nice. But seriously, when you treat people like a monolith who don't have individual behaviors and goals, they can see right through you, and the outcome is rarely, if ever, going to be pleasant for you.
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Setanta
 
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Reply Thu 11 Jun, 2015 04:28 pm
Ever'body knows that the wimmins is evil. Why, if they didn't cook for us and do the laundry, i'd advise getting rid of them.

Seriously, Dude . . . you badly need to grow up and see people as individuals. Otherwise, i predict a very lonely and bitter life for you.
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Vernon of Prague
 
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Reply Thu 11 Jun, 2015 04:50 pm
you all are right, dating is not evil.

It's just me. For some people it is nice, for some bad dream. I do not know what I do wrong and frankly, none of my friends or older men (teachers) who taught me thing or two know neither. It's just a way it is. I meet girl, I smile and I approach. I talk to her and try to make her laugh. I talk about her, I talk about myself. I ask for contact. She refuses. Later on when I talk to her more, I ask out. She refuses.

It's just how it is. It is my fate.

I do believe in fate. And all these bad emotions are only in me, that is true. But the result still remains. It is not easy to live being refused again and again. Particularly not for me, because I am not idle man. I always take action when there is good opportunity. It is my nature. And my nature leads me to fail and frustration...

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Vernon of Prague
 
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Reply Fri 12 Jun, 2015 04:12 pm
@Vernon of Prague,
as I said in my journal, I am ok (again. Probably). I wan't upset about one women. I was scared that the same scenario goes all over again for years and years and I have no power over it. I feel very doubtful anything would change, but I do not fear ending up alone. I won't, I know it. But I am afraid of failure as it is. People think horrible things when you say "I am single and wasn't lucky to find someone". They usually imagine sorry crying weak loser. That hurts. Despita all things I did in my life, my honour can be swept away in a ghust of wind, when I fail. And that hurts me. Horribly. As a child, I always imagined me like my grandfather - strong, manly, confident men. But when people take me for weak looser just because this single fact... I can't take it.
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Vernon of Prague
 
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Reply Tue 16 Jun, 2015 12:03 am
@Vernon of Prague,
uh, back to my previous statement, dating IS evil. And corrupts people. Well at least some - a) those who have it too easy (pretty women mostly, some handsome douches). If fate puts you too high, you inevitably become general @ss. b) those who have it too hard (surprisingly a lot of ordinary men. Just visit 9gag and see those comments). If something is too tiring, ungrateful and frustrating, in the end it gives you no real quality, just disappointment and probably bitterness.

I know wise men would say You decide what lessons you take from your life but most of wise men are just dry philosopher sitting behind dusty books never encountering issues they talk about.

for some people dating, relationship IS based on love, friendship, compassion. But for many others this is just brutal and unfair race. Race where you inevitably fail because you will never achieve your true goals no matter how hard you try and second, all people will just ridicule at you. Why? because this is the nature of people, that's why.

so there is that Russian woman that I liked (not any more). I was observing her - she indeed IS a good person. Beside hardworking, she approached her colleaugues with positive attitude, helped them and in general, cared of her work, surroundings. Yet she cleary is somehow lonely, misses someone special. I approached her and she responded with positive matter. I tried to give her the feelings she is missing. Tried to make her special, showed that I cared of her. Result? Since I showed compassion, she does not care of me any more. Probably will use me to boost her ego for some time, untill she finds somebody SHE chooses. Just as the girl from previous job.

Dating IS evil. Corrupts people. Makes them arrogant and ungrateful. Insecure and suspicious. Boosting or damaging their ego, but nothing more.

I have nothing about trickery, mischieving, calculation in professional life. I am guy from business and I would be very bad businessman to believe getting the best of others is not a proper tactics. But in personal life? Hell no!!!
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