is there anything I can do?

If this goes on for thirty more years, you'll be so sorry you didn't divorce now.

Have you asked her if she would go with you to counselling? Not that counselling will fix everything, but it may make things clearer.

Hello,

Obviously, no matter what advice is given on this forum, you run into the barrier of her not wanting to talk about it...so you need a way for her to be able to open up and talk about the matter.

Truly the only thing I can think of is for you to help her understand how important this matter is to the health of your relationship, and see if she is open to counselling of some sort, whether it's:
- a Doctor (for general starters)
- a couples counsellor
- a personal counsellor (she may have issues from childhood)
- the local church (if the issues are religion based and the pastor/priest is on side)
- a psychologist
- etc

All that said, just remember that you could also be playing a significant (but obviously unknown to you) part in how this is panning out. Take a step back and see if you can see anything.

And should you do couples counselling, I'd ask that question of the counsellor (privately)...after all generally speaking, we all contribute at least a bit to the relationship circumstances we find ourself in)

For sure, you two are of different sex drives. But after your accepting this for 10years, she probably has no idea what to do or what is wrong. This should have been dealt with years ago. So you share in this, too, you know.

You sound like you are ready to give an ultimatum. Why now? Are you involved with (or want to be) with another woman?

Insist on counseling. You - and her - deserve to be in a marriage that has passion, as well as companionship. And, no, don't have a child with this woman.
.

Yep counseling, possibly a sex therapist. I'm willing to bet dollars to donuts that she doesn't orgasm from intercourse. Many (most?) women don't.

Hi. I'm surprised that is so, that most women don't cum (I call it come) from intercourse. Maybe I've had some great lovers.

Not arguing, maybe I have lucky genes, and past that, with my husband, my/our stuff wasn't all the time every time, but did happen.

I admit to having a fair number of lovers in my distant past. What to say about that: most were temporarily sincere.



Never mind all that. Re our poster - I'm the last person to recommend sex therapy, but maybe,

http://www.womansday.com/relationships/sex-tips/a5144/10-surprising-facts-about-orgasms-111985/

Ok, I'll listen.

I've read similar and I'll admit it all wasn't always wonderful, just a sometime.

It's just that it was for me sometimes, so that's my own data.


I never thought it was supposed to happen all the time.

The genes that relate to how humans experience pleasure aren't the same in all humans. I recall reading an article addiction that found a gene related to pleasure that was much more prevalent in drug/alcohol addicts than in the general population, with the theory that for these people, because they experienced a heightened level of pleasure, it was easier to become addicted to drugs/alcohol...the same gene is very prevalent in the aboriginal peoples of Australia.

Osso, this may, or may not relate to your experience as compared to what is reported in the wider community...or perhaps you are just good at choosing the 'right' guys for you.

I don't normally share this much about myself, but maybe I can help a little here so I will.

My situation was similar to yours when my wife and I first married. Both of us were virgins, but I was a bit more savvy (not quite the right word) when it comes to sex. Anyway, my wife was pretty much missionary only for a number of years and never really seemed to enjoy sex. If I did not initiate, there was no sex. And even then, she would often use an excuse to avoid sex, to the point where it began to hurt our relationship. But one thing I was certain about. I loved her and was not willing to let a sex issue drive us apart. She really was not one to talk about sex, so I started doing some reading. And then I began to realize that maybe I was part of the problem. I was into the sex for me and just did not realize that she was not enjoying it because I was not making it good enough for her. And she was not the type of person to talk about it or take matters into her own hands, if you know what I mean.

So, I determined to read up and take an evening of simply giving her pleasure. Forget about me, concentrate on her. I lit the bedroom in candles. I took her out to a nice romantic dinner. (Before I lit the bedroom in candles. lol) And I told her that the night was only about her and her pleasure. She was to simply relax and let me take care of her. I believe that evening she had her first real orgasm. And once she realized what that felt like and that I could indeed make her feel that way, she became much more receptive to sex. Our sex life got much, much better. She became more willing to try different positions. Now, she still is more comfortable with missionary, but that is ok. For her, that is the bread and butter of sex. Every now and then we try steak, and sometimes it is good and sometimes not so much. But bottom line, making sure she was satisfied made sex even better for me, even if it was the same old missionary position. Our relationship could not be better and we will celebrate our 33rd anniversary this Friday.

Why did I share all this? Maybe, just maybe, as good as you think you are in bed, maybe she is not quite getting there. So maybe, just maybe, spending an evening making it all about her and her pleasure will spark something in her. And then, if she becomes more active in her lovemaking, trying some wild position will not seem as important to you. By the way, I seem to remember reading somewhere that most couples only regularly use 2-3 different positions, so don't get caught up in the number of positions. Bottom line, stick with what makes you BOTH feel good.

Good luck to you.