Friends with benefits for 8 years or more?

Reply Thu 28 May, 2015 10:29 pm
Well first please excuse my English, I only know basic English. But I hope you guys understand and give me some advice. It's my first time in this site too.

I don't know where to start but... I've been in friends with benefits relationship with this guy for like 8 years (he lives overseas) so it's like a long distance friends w/ benefits relationship.. He's 8 years older than me. Since the beginning of our relationship I can feel that he actually love me (that's what I believe and I still do). But it feels like he's the type of person who don't want to tie himself into a serious relationship or something so that's why we stay like that (that's what I guess). He supported me with all my financial needs including school fees for 4 years. And he still does until now as I'm a fresh grad. I didn't ask for it, he offer it himself as he said that he wants me to have future atleast. During 2 years of our relationship we decided to meet, and we continue our relationship like we always do. Because I truly love him, I didn't mind this kind of relationship at all. I was hoping that maybe one day he will take me seriously. Even though he's in overseas I stayed loyal to him and didn't date anyone. He did the same thing for 8 years. But last year he suddenly decides that we should stop this, so I can find a real boyfriend (I never had a boyfriend, he's my first and all). Even though I don't want it, I agreed. We still talk to each other everyday like we normally do, almost nothing change really. Now 1 year passed and we still both single. Then just the other day he said that what he hoped for didn't even even work. Then he asked me if it's ok to go back to what we are before. I still love him, but I don't want to get my hopes high again like before. He know all this time that I love him. For 8-9 years he always said I love you to me, but I don't know anymore. I feel like somehow he loves me but at the same time he want to push me away. Or does he really love me? What should I do?
Reply Thu 28 May, 2015 10:33 pm
It is my sincere belief that if you persist with this arrangement you will grow old with no mate. Eight years is more than enough time for a man to decide to marry if he is sincere. It appears he is a friend, but no lover.
Reply Thu 28 May, 2015 10:37 pm
What have you done to move into a relationship with a local boyfriend?

EdgarB is right - after 8 years of no commitment it doesn't seem likely like your fuckbuddy relationship will turn into anything more significant.

Time for you to move on - if you're interested in a significant spousal relationship with someone.
Reply Thu 28 May, 2015 11:06 pm
Thank you for your kind reply..
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Reply Thu 28 May, 2015 11:09 pm
Yeah I'm thinking of maybe I should start dating someone. But the thoughts of dating someone I don't even like makes me feel bad. I really want to move on, I just don't know how. I'm feeling really lost right now.
Thanks for your comment.
Reply Fri 29 May, 2015 05:40 am
Of course you can move on. Welcome to the world of digital blocking.

But I love him! you'll say. I want to talk to him!

He is safe. With him in your back pocket, you don't have to take any risks whatsoever. You also don't open yourself up to anyone else. Why should you? You're oh so happy, right?

Except you're not. You've been wishing and hoping for something more for the better part of a decade with this loser who seems to be best able to relate to you by paying for your schooling.

You don't owe him anymore or, if you feel you do, then save money to pay him off, but do so. He is a financial backer who you cybersexed.


You won't find someone else if you continue with this.
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Reply Fri 29 May, 2015 06:18 am
First, you say he is overseas so you only see each other now and then, correct. Are you absolutely certain he is single? I mean, really, how do you know? Have you ever visited him?

But the thoughts of dating someone I don't even like makes me feel bad
Why would you date someone you do not like? Nobody here gave you that advice. It has been suggested you look locally for someone. You know, make friends. Go out. Meet people and maybe get asked out by some guy you can get to know and find out if you like him. Maybe you will, maybe you won't like him. But that is what dating is all about.

I really want to move on, I just don't know how.
Easy. Tell him you are no longer interested in a long distance friends with benefits relationship. Tell him you need something more. Then stop communicating with him in any way other than as a friend. Then start doing what I suggested above. Go out. Meet people. That is how you move on.

Good luck.
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Reply Fri 29 May, 2015 06:30 am
Just as an aside, what is your age currently?
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