So You Think You Know Best How to Handle My Children

Ok, so you are lost in the desert and you only have a pack of cards. What do you do?

You start playing solitare. After a few minutes someone will tap you on the shoulder and say "put the 5 of hearts on the 6 of clubs.."

Craven, your empathy and understanding of mothers and children astounds me.

Craven - I love it.

I would never DREAM of interfering with a mother gaining conrol (nonviolently) of her children. On the contrary.

Craven- me too!

Seriously, though I have no kids, I think I understand. When I got a dog; I had to train everyone I know to shut the hell up.

I raised 3 kids.

I wasn't even being ironic, believe it or not.

You're exactly right, Craven. The strongest impulse known to mankind is not sex or hunger or the desire for companionship. It is the impulse to correct somebody who's not doing something the "right" way.

Try writing ad copy some time. Nobody can resist changing a few words here & there. Nobody.

I know, I was just explaining where it comes from



Before "exactly" please insert "always", it would just look so much better. << unsolicited advice.

Whenever I see someone discipline a kid in public, I tend to cheer them and applaud. Especially if there's hitting involved.

Certainly, sir! And if you'll just sign off on this right here, I'll can get it to press for you today. Don't worry, I'll mail you an invoice.

Sign on my office wall:
"The client may not always be right, but he is always the client."

(Which is a nice way of saying you're gonna pay for that, Craven!)

I have a story for you, linkat.
A relative of mine was in a department store with her three kids. The kids were bored and restless and began to play peek-a-boo among the clothing racks. Two elderly women walked by, tsking loudly that "some people" didn't bother to discipline their kids.
A while later, my relative noticed the same two women coming by, so she called over to her kids to knock it off and behave. The women walked by, tsking that some people were too hard on their kids and kids needed to play!

Ha!

Linkat, so many of my (hearing) friends who are parents talk about this -- it's never happened to me, but I might have an advantage in just not knowing that it's happening, since the nature of this beast is muttering/ overhearing. Then again, my deaf friends do feel free to criticize... hmm... but I feel like with friends it's less objectionable (though still annoying) than with total strangers.

Children are smarter than we give them credit for. That may sound unrelated... anyway, they probably respect you a lot more than the strangers or even friends who contradict you. And if they don't it will be their decision, and there's really nothing you could have done anyway.

Soz,
I recently attended a training on Deaf Culture, taught by a woman who was born deaf into a deaf family. She said (through an interpreter)! that Deaf people are just that way- if you've gained a lot of weight, they have no compunction about mentioning it, and it's not considered rude. I was surprised! I did not realize there was this whole different culture that goes along with it.

There is suz! I learned that also. After nursing school I worked at the Albq school for the deaf. WOW! I was amazed at thier honesty, frankness and simple acception of everything. I wish we were all like that sometimes.

As for the meddling people... my mother used to tell me that she would get that too. ESPICALLY because she was a "white" woman... ( not white , she is cherokee but to racist people she is white ) .. anyway.. she was a WHITE woman with a BROWN child . Every where she went, people were telling her over and over again that she was either wrong or crazy for the way she raised me and the way she would talk to me . Before it became a 'fad' she was the type of parent who talked to me instead of spanking or yelling. Many times women would roll thier eyes and say things like ' you cant teach children like THAT anything'.
My mother soon stopped fighting every one of them when she watched my reaction one day and saw the questioning look in my eyes when somene spoke like that. She told me that from then on, what other people said never mattered. So long as I knew from what she was teaching me that people like that were being rude... she was satisfied.
Have you ever watched your kids reaction when someone says " Oh no, it is o-k" or when they butt in to your conversations with your kids? Maybe they react the same way you do, you just dont notice. :-)

Yep, that's definitely part of the culture. "You know that one woman, brown stringy hair, way too skinny, she works at the Department of Rehab? Well she said to me..." Etc.

The shorthand on Deaf culture is that everyone in it is like family, with good and bad implications. Would your mom say, "hey, you've gained weight?" Well then so can a Deaf person you've met once (especially if you're Deaf yourself). Sometimes I love it, sometimes it makes me batty. Like, when I moved here and now again that I'm about to move to Columbus, I have an extensive support network of people I've never met -- hey, I'm deaf, they're deaf, and my friend knows their friend...

Suzy - that is so typical. Everyone seems to like to put in there two cents. The only time I have gotten involved at all, was when a mom may need help like carrying a stroller up the stairs of similar. Or complementing a parent on how well behaved their children are or sympathizing with them if there child is acting up or having difficulty. I will say something like, I've been there. It really helps a parent to realize that others understand. I would really like to see these same women handling a child and see how well they do.

True Scoates, but I would have loved to have smacked that women just the same.

Great points shewolfnm. I should realize that my children do listen to me more than strangers. Here is one story that proves it. I was shopping at the mall and had my older daughter with me. I explained to her we were just here to buy a present for her grandmom and then were leaving. We walk by one of those carts selling items. They were selling these cool cars and trucks that flip and stuff. The woman stopped us and we my daughter played with it a little. Of course she tried to sell it to us. I explained that not today perhaps for her birthday. She persisted and when I said a strong No. She looked at my daughter and said "wouldn't you like your mommy to buy this for you." My sweet little girl looked at her and said, "No, we are here to buy a present for grandmom."