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Is this sentence correct?

 
 
Reply Fri 22 May, 2015 02:24 am
After many frustrated attempts, I ended up with a big hole in my pocket, but it was nothing compared to the hole it left in my pride.

(please check for grammar and punctuation.)
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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 1,624 • Replies: 30
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FBM
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 May, 2015 02:30 am
@kuben123,
I can't find a problem.
kuben123
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 May, 2015 03:19 am
@FBM,
Thanks
0 Replies
 
kuben123
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 May, 2015 03:46 am
@FBM,
(Can you help me out with this sentence?)

However, during these arduous years, I had time as a soothing healer.

(How's the flow? Any grammatical and punctuation errors?)
FBM
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 May, 2015 03:51 am
@kuben123,
kuben123 wrote:

(Can you help me out with this sentence?)

However, during these arduous years, I had time as a soothing healer.

(How's the flow? Any grammatical and punctuation errors?)


"I had time as" sounds strange. "I spent time as" is better, because "spend" and "time" collocate strongly with each other.

Alternatively, you could say "I had a good time as a..."
kuben123
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 May, 2015 04:28 am
@FBM,
(What if i rephrased the sentence??)

However, during these arduous years, time was my soothing healer.

(Any grammatical and punctuation errors?)
FBM
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 May, 2015 04:34 am
@kuben123,
Ah! I misunderstood your original intent:

"I had time as a soothing healer" struck me as if you had spent time soothing and healing others. To avoid that ambiguity, you can say, "I had time as my soothing healer" or what you rephrased it as, " time was my soothing healer." Now it's all clear. http://i206.photobucket.com/albums/bb192/DinahFyre/icon_thumright.gif
kuben123
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 May, 2015 05:02 am
@FBM,
Thanks
0 Replies
 
kuben123
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 May, 2015 05:14 am
@FBM,
Need help with this...

Recovering from a steering downfall, I found myself at a crossroad of confusions.

(Does this sentence sound right?)
( I meant that I was thoroughly confused!)
FBM
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 May, 2015 05:18 am
@kuben123,
Could you explain "steering downfall" a little?
kuben123
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 May, 2015 05:21 am
@FBM,
Here " steering downfall" refers to the condition I was in....Having a rough time.
FBM
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 May, 2015 05:24 am
@kuben123,
It strikes me as an odd expression that's not easily understood. It may be due to lack of context. "spiralling" or "spinning" downfall seem more intuitive.
kuben123
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 May, 2015 05:31 am
@FBM,
Recovering from a spiralling downfall, I found myself at a crossroad of confusions.

Better?
(It implies that I was confused after a downfall)

FBM
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 May, 2015 05:37 am
@kuben123,
That works. Gives a strong image that doesn't interrupt the flow of the narrative.
kuben123
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 May, 2015 05:41 am
@FBM,
Thanks again.
FBM
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 May, 2015 05:46 am
@kuben123,
No sweat. Cheers.
kuben123
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 May, 2015 09:47 am
@FBM,
Another favour....

One probable solution, taking stocks and calling it quits, eluded me from the start, but I was adamant to soldier on.


Do I insert commas before and after "taking stocks and calling it quits"?
How does this sound?
Oddities?

FBM
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 May, 2015 06:19 pm
@kuben123,
kuben123 wrote:

Another favour....

One probable solution, taking stocks and calling it quits, eluded me from the start, but I was adamant to soldier on.


Do I insert commas before and after "taking stocks and calling it quits"?
How does this sound?
Oddities?


Or you could use hypnens.

"taking stocks" sounds odd. The plural form there isn't normal. I think "taking stock" is an idiom, so it shouldn't change form.
kuben123
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 May, 2015 06:46 pm
@FBM,
One probable solution,taking stock and calling it quits,eluded me from the start, but I was adamant to soldier on.

(Sounds better?)
(Any possible way to reword this sentence?)
FBM
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 May, 2015 06:52 pm
@kuben123,
kuben123 wrote:

One probable solution,taking stock and calling it quits,eluded me from the start, but I was adamant to soldier on.

(Sounds better?)
(Any possible way to reword this sentence?)


I don't see any need to reword it entirely, but now that I think about it, you'd better use "had eluded," since you're talking about two time frames. (And put that space in there after the comma. Wink )

But if you really just want to rephrase it:
Taking stock and calling it quits - one probable solution - had eluded me from the beginning, but I was adamant to soldier on.

I wouldn't call that an improvement, though.
 

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