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Woman texting "I really need to focus on myself now" to me: meaning?

 
 
van1van
 
Reply Thu 21 May, 2015 04:13 am
No offense meant, but this question is for women or for men who've experienced the same/similar thing. I'm in Europe (here it seems there's no set standards for dating unlike North America) and I met this Italian girl, with whom I met at a bar and hanged out just us together twice as for a total of 5-6 hours after that. Sunday we hanged, and Monday I texted whether she's free to take a call now. She messaged me back Tuesday morning and canceled her possible coming to my house to cook together, and texted "I really need to focus on myself now". She's 26 and I'm a bit older, but I didn't date a lot. Last time, I gave her a hug instead of the more common (in Europe) peck on the cheek, and touched her shoulder twice or so during our conversation to express my interest. She however didn't do anything flirty, and we didn't even kiss yet.

Does it mean:

1)she's not interested because of her own reasons
2)she needs time to figure herself out or think it through before
3) she's not interested because I might have scared her showing that touchy-feely I mentioned above
4) something else

I was thinking may be 2)?
Women, what did you mean when you said or conveyed this "I really need to focus on myself now" to a man? If you did this, did you call him back at the end or permanently disconnected yourself? Men, the same question for you, from your experience with women.
 
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Thu 21 May, 2015 04:20 am
0 Replies
 
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Thu 21 May, 2015 04:35 am
Holly Walsh describes the British system of dating about 22 minutes in.

0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Thu 21 May, 2015 05:21 am
#4 something else.

a) She has someone else.
b) She's just not that into you and it took her a few times with you to confirm that.
c) You came on too strong. Let the woman breathe, will you/

Move on. This one is not going to happen.
0 Replies
 
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Thu 21 May, 2015 05:47 am
@van1van,
0 Replies
 
Butrflynet
 
  2  
Reply Thu 21 May, 2015 04:27 pm
@van1van,
It may have nothing at all to do with you. She may be focused on her career, her schooling, her faith, making big changes in her life, etc., etc.

She is telling you she chooses to focus on her solo life at the moment without the distraction of dating, etc.

If you still want to pursue it, confirm with her that this is the case and, depending on her response you will know if this is just a temporary time out that you can await before trying again or something more permanent that you should just move on from.
van1van
 
  1  
Reply Thu 21 May, 2015 05:09 pm
@Butrflynet,
Thank you for a meaningful reply! Yes, the time with her was well-spent, although not super awesome, but that was satisfactory enough. I also thought it's her, not me. I texted her last Monday, guess will give her a call this Sunday. If she takes it or calls back, I've to have a thoughtful conversation Smile
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Thu 21 May, 2015 09:16 pm
@van1van,
van1van wrote:
She messaged me back Tuesday morning and canceled her possible coming to my house to cook together, and texted "I really need to focus on myself now".


it's up to her to get in touch with you - if she wants to

she's let you know that she's not interested in you at this time (maybe ever)

time for you to move on
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  4  
Reply Thu 21 May, 2015 09:16 pm
@van1van,
van1van wrote:
guess will give her a call this Sunday.


nope

bad idea

she's already told you no
0 Replies
 
glitterbag
 
  3  
Reply Sat 23 May, 2015 12:30 am
I don't think she is trying to mysterious, she may really be preoccupied with some serious issue, like a sick parent, Job concerns, a personal illness or it could be any number of issues that she is worrying over and can't bring herself to discuss with someone new. Its not about you, its about her and her need for privacy right now. Please don't think she wants your help or advice right now, let her take the time to fix whatever needs fixing in her own way. Its not a rejection of you, but it will be if you continue to pop up after she gave you notice she needs time. If you don't give her the space, she will begin to see you as a bore who doesn't take no for an answer. You won't be getting a second chance if she starts to resent you pestering her.
roger
 
  2  
Reply Sat 23 May, 2015 01:20 am
It sounds like a nice, gentle let down.
0 Replies
 
usery
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 May, 2015 01:49 am
@van1van,

0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  2  
Reply Sat 23 May, 2015 02:09 am
@van1van,
My reply to you was meaningful. She has given you the brush-0ff, and had the decency to do so politely. I guess when you say "meaningful reply" you mean something you want to hear, as opposed to an honest answer.
van1van
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 May, 2015 02:52 am
@Setanta,
By meaningful, I really meant something that carries sentences and explanations, rather than a song or so. And it could be brutally honest, not something that'd be in my favor.
van1van
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 May, 2015 02:54 am
@glitterbag,
Thank you for your reply, I can see your point.
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 May, 2015 03:00 am
@van1van,
"Hit the road, Jack" was not sufficient explanation?
0 Replies
 
usery
 
  3  
Reply Sat 23 May, 2015 03:12 am
I told you once and I told you twice but you never listen to my advice.

0 Replies
 
MissLPK
 
  -2  
Reply Wed 27 May, 2015 03:07 pm
@van1van,
Letting go of an expectation is GOOD.
JUST leave it alone.
When a person says they are focused on something believe that you are not part of that something AND WALK AWAY.
That does not make you bad.
That does not make her bad.
It just IS.
I suggest the movie Kama Sutra as a good tool.
In it you will see the pairing of passion and knowing when to let go.
It is an ethereal movie.
Look for parts of it on Youtube. AND ENJOY.
THAT ASIDE PLEASE MAKE LOVE TO YOURSELF. Make deep love to yourself.
MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE THE SEXIEST MAN IN YOUR OWN PERSONAL ARENA OF SEXY GREATS. Be your own Goddess/God of Love figure and LIVE your own inner love life of passion.
The woman will follow...in time.
Just as you worship you too should be HELD ON HIGH.
; )
van1van
 
  1  
Reply Thu 28 May, 2015 09:08 am
@MissLPK,
Except the Kamasutra and related parts, I liked your reply. I let her go already!
0 Replies
 
rania
 
  1  
Reply Fri 29 May, 2015 01:33 pm
@van1van,
i think you should give her some time,maybe she is not ready to start a new relationship.A of lot women hate a man who insists a lot,let her go and wait for her to come after you
 

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