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Need advice on asking coworker out

 
 
Reply Tue 19 May, 2015 06:29 pm
I'm 38 shes 29. She just started working in my workplace since Nov. We chat, once a while, and we seem to get along, minor flirtation here and there. I wanted to ask her out without making it awkward or our professional relationship weird. Today, during a conversation about how she doesn't go out much, I asked her if she'd like to go get coffee or a drink sometime, and I said most people at work are married and don't go out. She agreed most are married, we continued talking, but the offer to go out wasn't answered. I figured I'd wait a couple of weeks, see how she acts towards me, and if it's like nothing happened, then I'd say to her, maybe me asking you out informally didn't work, so how about meeting together after work for a drink? She does seem a little shy, so I wasn't sure if she just didn't know how to answer me or if her not answering me was her answer, or if I was thinking too much. Any advice or thoughts to ask her out one more time, and what to say, or should I just leave it alone?
 
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Tue 19 May, 2015 06:37 pm
@tman1234,
tman1234 wrote:
her not answering me was her answer


this would be my guess

in situations like this, my instinct was always to try to pretend that I didn't notice an invitation like this

mixing work with personal relationships is just too messy to even consider
jcboy
 
  3  
Reply Tue 19 May, 2015 06:53 pm
@ehBeth,
ehBeth wrote:

tman1234 wrote:
her not answering me was her answer


this would be my guess

in situations like this, my instinct was always to try to pretend that I didn't notice an invitation like this

mixing work with personal relationships is just too messy to even consider


Yep that would be my guess as well, if you already asked once why ask again?

0 Replies
 
tman1234
 
  1  
Reply Tue 19 May, 2015 07:47 pm
@ehBeth,
Thank you. Yeah, not good to mix personal with professional, but only see her couple times a week for an hour here or there, so it's not like we work right next to each other, still could get ugly, but I'm into her and maybe it could work out, and I'm willing to take the risk. Anyway, I felt that I didn't even wait for a response, I asked her and then I kept talking, and felt that maybe I wasn't clear on wanting to go on a date with her, although I did say it would be cool to hang, I kinda played it off and kept talking, and we never came back to that topic. I was nervous and didn't want to seem like I was putting her on the spot. I could imagine if she wanting to respond, but being shy to go back to that topic since I kinda asked and kept talking. I should have redirected and said, so what do you think.
A while ago, a coworker asked me to hang, and I didn't realize she was asking me out on a date, and I said yeah that would be cool but I never followed up on it and eventually realized she wanted to get to know me better. I didn't know if this was the same deal.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Tue 19 May, 2015 07:51 pm
Not to be snarky, but I think if a person has to ask complete strangers for advice on something like this, you already have the answer for yourself as an individual.

There's no one size fits all.

Me? I've seen work romances (plural) work out and end up in marriage and a family. Others end up just dating, good things come out of it, or bad.

The common denominator with these situations is that the successful ones kept their relationship to themselves and didn't subject anyone else in the workplace to it.

With this woman specifically, who knows? She might have just been avoiding the question because she doesn't want to go out with a co-worker, or you in particular, or she really had it slip her mind.

No one here can read her mind.
tman1234
 
  1  
Reply Tue 19 May, 2015 08:09 pm
@chai2,
Hah, you're right, except for I just didn't know if I should follow-up. Me having the answer would be, I just kept talking and played it off to not make it awkward, and would like to just ask her plainly and get a response without me interjecting. Any advice on how to peruse this?
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Wed 20 May, 2015 09:53 am
@tman1234,
Ya know, by the time the appropriate followup time comes, you might not even be interested in her anymore, for a million reasons. By next month you could be thinking "Man I'm glad we never went out." I find it unusual that a 38 year old man would have never encountered something like this before.

In other words. Let time take time.

http://innerconfidence.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/17tblgoitiqv4jpg.jpg
0 Replies
 
stephaniewindom
 
  1  
Reply Mon 25 May, 2015 04:31 am
Just ask again
0 Replies
 
BadBoysDating
 
  0  
Reply Mon 1 Jun, 2015 08:52 pm
@tman1234,
Hi! I'm a Dating coach, my best advice is...it's better don't take it too seriously. Just take it easy, and slow down...

One thing...it's better to make her feel attracted to you first. When she's already attracted to you, it's so easy to ask her out...Send me message if you want to know more...
0 Replies
 
 

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