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Long distance boyfriend being distant

 
 
Reply Wed 13 May, 2015 06:21 pm
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 4 months and we are long distance, he is 20 and I'm 18, we met online and then we met in person and he asked me out in February and since meeting we were would text all the time bug long paragraphs about how much we mean to each other and can't wait to see each other again, well I couldn't see him until summer so around the end of June, around March he became distant and he said he was just busy and he has been stressed. Recently I tried texting him and he wasn't answering and so I messaged him somewhere else and accused him of ignoring me because he answered there, he then told me he didn't get my messages and wondered where I have been lately, he has told me before he didn't get my messages either this isn't the first time. I tried texting him later and he never answered so finally after a day I snapchatted him and he said he lost his phone, that night after he didn't answer my snapchats I was fed up and told him he needs to make a decision whether he wants me in his life or not and that ignoring me has been hurting me a ton and that he hasn't attempted to even get back to me. I let him know the ball is in his court and if he wants me in his life then to let me know. He answered back surprisingly and said he has been missing me a lot and that he's sorry for being so distant but that he has a lot of **** going on in his life, he said he hopes I still like him and that he hopes we can still meet up this summer because it will help our relationship and that everything he said about us he means. I reassured him that I like him still and that I am still meeting him over summer on the days I gave him, he asked if we were still going to do all that we have talked about and that its hard being long distance because he can't show me all the affection he feels for me. I agreed that it's hard but distancing himself was hurting me. The next day I saw his snapchat story and he was driving and I snapped him and said looks like you got your phone back, and he replied that he's driving and on someone's phone. I snapped him a lot yesterday some cute stuff and he didn't open it but I saw he had snapchat stories, and last night and today he's been adding stuff to his story but not answering me or opening my snaps back and now it's confusing me after reassuring me all of this but you're adding stuff to your snapchat story is annoying especially cuz right now our only source of communication is through snapchat. (Keep in mind his snapchat is for his fans he has over 20K followers, he's popular on Twitter) but with all this said what do I do??!!!!????
 
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Wed 13 May, 2015 06:51 pm
@Jewels345,
Maybe he wants to keep your snaps (semi-)private. Maybe he's a jerk who's stringing you along. Maybe it's something in between.

Because he has such a large social media following, it's entirely possible that his communications on it are more for his fans than for his real friends and the people he is close to in life.

Here's my suggestion.

Live your life and be happy. Go out with your friends, read books, learn to water-ski, I don't know. Whatever you like and want to do. Communicate with him if and when you want to - but not this constant communicating. It's too much.

Have some patience. June will be here in 19 days.

If he misses you, he'll try to contact you and/or be with you. If he doesn't, then you'll know where you stand. But don't just hang around, waiting.

You have no time for shenanigans. Just, enjoy your life. If he gets his act together, then you'll be in contact.
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 May, 2015 07:01 pm
@Jewels345,
You know...this story is very familiar. Did you create a new username and resubmit this same problem from a week or so ago?
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 May, 2015 09:16 pm
No way is a 20 year old guy able to commit to a long distance relationship.
Jewels345
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 May, 2015 10:27 am
@Ragman,
No lol
0 Replies
 
Jewels345
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 May, 2015 10:29 am
@PUNKEY,
he still lives with his parents and doesn't party and honestly isn't even allowed to party because he lives with his parents my last concern is he's going out and partying cuz this kid hardly has experience with anything so idk why you say he couldn't commit?
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Thu 14 May, 2015 10:37 am
@jespah,
jespah wrote:
Live your life and be happy. Go out with your friends, read books, learn to water-ski, I don't know. Whatever you like and want to do. Communicate with him if and when you want to - but not this constant communicating. It's too much.

Have some patience. June will be here in 19 days.

If he misses you, he'll try to contact you and/or be with you. If he doesn't, then you'll know where you stand. But don't just hang around, waiting.


You have no time for shenanigans. Just, enjoy your life. If he gets his act together, then you'll be in contact.
0 Replies
 
Jewels345
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 May, 2015 10:39 am
@jespah,
Thanks for he reply, I just am confused cuz I straight up said you need to decide if you want me in your life and that I'm tired of being strung along like a sad little puppy waiting for you to answer so he either decides he wants me in his life or not and he like was acting upset like oh "I hope you still like me, I hope you can still come see me I think it could really help us, I meant everything I told you, and I really want to do everything we talk about and share the moments we talked about and I hope you still will come" and just being cute like if he didn't want me wouldn't he just of said "hey you know idk if I can do this anymore " why would he reassure me just for the hell of it? I told him when I'm coming but how will I get into communication if he doesn't have his actual phone and everything is just a mess. I am very busy and will be going to Oregon soon for school and will be out doing stuff but I don't want to waste 700 on a week to go see him if he doesn't care and I don't want to get stuck in A state I'm unfamiliar with because he didn't get back to me. I'm just afraid my friend said he will answer eventually and to wait it's just I'm not patient.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 May, 2015 10:51 am
@Jewels345,
Jewels345 wrote:
I don't want to waste 700 on a week to go see him if he doesn't care and I don't want to get stuck in A state I'm unfamiliar with


1. that is a lot of money for someone you don't have an actual relationship with

2. if you've booked a non-refundable ticket, use it as an opportunity to visit that state as a tourist. Don't expect to see him on the trip. If you do end up seeing him that's fine, but don't put the weight of the trip on spending time with him.
Jewels345
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 May, 2015 11:39 am
@ehBeth,
We do have a real relationship? He asked me out and we met up before in my state and hung out with each other and went out and had some time to spend with each other? I'm not in a fake relationship with this person I just haven't seen him since then cuz I have school and he goes to college, I just didn't have time to go see him sooner lol. I'm 18 and he lives in Massachusetts what really would I do in that state like honestly. Also he just told me Monday he couldn't wait and was excited for me to come and that he hopes I'll still come down to see him cuz it would help our relationship? Why wouldn't I expect to see him? Was he lying you think?
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 May, 2015 11:50 am
@Jewels345,
There are tons of things to do in Massachusetts. Lots of people go there for vacations.

Who would be paying for your trip to Massachusetts? what does your family think about the trip? where would you stay while there - whether or not he's around to spend time with you?

You are both very young. One or both of you could lose interest/meet someone else in the next six weeks. There are just no guarantees in new relationships, long distance or otherwise.

_____

Don't think that I generally have something against long distance relationships. I've been in a couple of long-term long distance relationships over the years, and live with someone I met online over 15 years ago.
CoastalRat
 
  2  
Reply Thu 14 May, 2015 12:05 pm
@Jewels345,
Quote:
We do have a real relationship
No you don't. You are 18 and have very little idea of what a real relationship is. It is not a bunch of snapchatting, texting your love and devotion for each other while having only actually met up once when he was in your area. Wait, I guess that is a relationship. That kind of relationship is called a friendship. At best. But hey, if you want to think the two of you are madly in love, go right ahead.

Personally, I think he is stringing you along in hopes that he can get you to visit him and have his way with you. After all, he does not seem to be putting much effort into this "relationship" as you call it. If he thought about you the way you claim to think about him, he would make sure to stay in contact. Heck, why doesn't he pick up a phone and call you? That is how people in a relationship stay in touch. Not through snapchat or texting. I think you'd be better off not going to visit him and simply forgetting about him. I think he is playing you. I could be wrong. But I doubt it.
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Thu 14 May, 2015 12:26 pm
@Jewels345,
Don't spend that kind of money if it's one-sided.

PS There's a lot to do here in Massachusetts.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 May, 2015 12:39 pm
@Jewels345,
When was the last time he called you to talk to you.

Not texting, not snap-chatting. When did he call YOU to talk to YOU?
CoastalRat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 May, 2015 12:55 pm
@ehBeth,
Quote:
especially cuz right now our only source of communication
ehBeth, I'm not sure he ever has based on the OP and this statement toward the end. I just don't get this whole dating through texting stuff. If I were a woman and a man couldn't take the time to dial my phone number and actually talk to me, I'd be ending things pretty quickly. I just don't get it.
0 Replies
 
Jewels345
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 May, 2015 05:40 pm
@ehBeth,
I'm paying for it it's expensive my plane ticket is pretty cheap but I have a bank account with money I wasn't allowed to touch until I was 18 and I was going to use this as part of my senior trip kind of deal but the whole reason I'm going there is to see him, and I'm staying in this hotel near the town he lives in, I've been saving for months for this cuz we've talked about it for awhile and my mom doesn't really care all the much, I mean there's that risk of losing interest in every relationship but like he would tell me I would think instead of reassuring me right?
0 Replies
 
Jewels345
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 May, 2015 05:43 pm
@CoastalRat,
What do you mean have his way with me? If he didn't want me why would he waste his time reassuring me he did or say any of that kind of stuff to me?
Jewels345
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 May, 2015 05:46 pm
@ehBeth,
He called like 2 weeks ago and also we facetimed as well Til 4 am his time. The week after he had finals and was moving out of his dorm and now this week he's been back at home
0 Replies
 
Jewels345
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 May, 2015 05:48 pm
@jespah,
Why would he waste his time telling me though he still wants to be with me and hopes I still like him and want to be with him and I'll come see him if he didn't mean it? I mean wouldn't that be wasting his time? Wouldn't you normally just say oh well I am disinterested in you and break it off?
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 May, 2015 06:04 pm
@Jewels345,
Jewels345 wrote:

What do you mean have his way with me?


*******

having his way with you is *******
 

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