Feeling confused

Forums: Relationships, Racism, Fantasy
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I am an asian woman and i met a guy on dating site who was a caucasian as per the picture he shared with me and we have been chatting and talking on phone almost for 4 months now. He has seen me cam but i have never seen him. we both love each other. I love being in his company all time as he makes me happy and cares for me. He has done things for me no one could ever imagine from some one who met online.He cares about me and my family. I would never ask for more from a boy friend. He loves giving me surprises, one day he sent me flowers to my work place and he knows i love The script and he gave me a surprise when he bought the concert tickets for a live show in my country. He has done lot more

We were supposed to meet each other in my country and everything was planned but i had a big surprise when he told me in the last minute as he cant make it as he was not the same person in the picture. He is a brown skin guy . I am still talking to him , but i never liked dark skin or brown skin guy. Even though i am talking to him now i have asked him not to send his original picture or to show himself on cam as i might not like him. But he says he can wait till i can accept him for who he is , even if i dnt accept he is still willing to do things for me no one could ever imagine to the extent that he is buying me a condo. All i could tell him wasvi will try to accept the fact but i am not into dark skin guys. or may be i am still imagining him as the guy in the picture he sent initially . some times i tell him i dont want to see him or meet him thinking if i dont like him i might lose him .

i dont know for how long this will go ? I dont know what to do ? But he did tell him that he is an handsome guy . He has been in australia for 14 years and he has a very decent job with an MBA. How can i accept his real identity knowing that i dont like dark skin guys? please suggest how can i over come my confusion or fear as i like or love him as a person.

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Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 1,539 • Replies: 14

[+4] - roger - 05/08/2015Since he misrepresented himself with someone else's picture, how do you know he really has a good job with an MBA? You may be liking someone who doesn't exist.

@Dpk,

I have seen him now and he is good looking. But i have never liked a dark skin guy even though he is not dark. But i am not able to accept him as my boy friend.

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@Dpk,

I do not understand, is it because of your parents that you can not accept a different colour of skin?

He "was" everything you wanted. I suspect that either he thought due to your Nationality that you would not accept him so lied, or that you stated something earlier on and he had "hoped". Other than that if neither of those reasons I would never accept someone who lied to me.

But, as for the colour of the skin. As stated, if your culture does not allow it and this is why, I understand to a degree though we should make our own decisions. But if it is purely your decision doesn't love run deeper than the colour of your potential children?

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@FOUND SOUL,

Yes only about his nationality he lied other than that what ever he spoke to me about him was all true. I still talk to him and i cannot imagine without him for now. for a long time i dont know why but i do not like the natiinality he is . for no reason at all and it is stuck in my mind that way. But i know i can never find a guy like him.

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@Dpk,

Well Dpk, sounds as if you truly have feelings for him.

But, can I state something as well? Until you two meet he is not real. Please don't take that the wrong way but if you met him, you'd know in your heart and if that never occurs at all even through promises of meeting, then he is not real.

What I am trying to state is that, we meet people on line, they buy us gifts, they lie and yet we have never seen them in person.

I would suggest you meet him, see what you think when you do, you said he is handsome. If he is the same person that you have been communicating with in person, look deeply into your soul because nationality reasoning of not loving someone (when you are in love as you have stated) is not an honest reason.

Love is love. Two people meet and they are the same.

Please request he meets with you.

Then you can also eliminate the lie of that he did not state his true stance of who he is as well as you being able to ascertain your honest feelings.

And please do it in an open place .

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@Dpk,

Since he misrepresented himself with someone else's picture, how do you know he really has a good job with an MBA? You may be liking someone who doesn't exist.

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Quote:

... even if i dnt accept he is still willing to do things for me no one could ever imagine to the extent that he is buying me a condo.

This is a fantasy relationship. It doesn't exist in the real world. Both of you are in a pretense. He lied by misrepresenting himself. So his values and his honor should be questioned. Also his behavior shows how desperate he is to lie..and offer gifts that should not be accepted.

He's trying to bribe you into accepting him.

You have a bias about race or nationality that you can't see past. This is a non-relationship. You also describe your feelings of love for him. This is not real at all and you're deluding yourself.

Didn't anyone else see this? Am I misinterpreting this?

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@Dpk,

I gotta agree with Ragman on this one. He started out lying to you. What makes you think he is telling the truth now?

I would think you should be wary of anyone that you only know through the web who offers you gifts without meeting you. I think you have constructed a fantasy world. You believe you love him and even state

Quote:

I love being in his company all time

even though the two of you have never, ever been in each others company. You have never been together.

I would dial down your enthusiasm and hopes for this relationship and look for someone "real" maybe in your country.

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@Dpk,

Forget it then, end the whole thing if you can't accept his skin color. Although, I'll tell you something that might interest you. I'm white, and accidentally it happened so that I dated a brown girl for some time (I only dated white girls before). To be honest, it was the best relationship of my life. But again, I never minded darker skin (not black!), so its a little different. I probably wouldn't date a black girl. Wink

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I am so confused here.
How can you like everything about a person and than don't like his color so much to the point you are still in love with non existent person who actually does exist?
Another thing about him lying - not acceptable. However if you can understand his intentions...but you are too fkd up inn your head to think straight.

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@i809,

Thank you for your comments and i am glad to share that we finally met in person...i am happy and i think i made the right choice tooo in chosing him and yes no more second thoughts about colour ....and yay we are meeting again this weekend. as we both reside in 2 diff countries. wish us gud luck .

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@FOUND SOUL,

we finally met ....and i am in love with him ....thanks

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@Dpk,

Seriously? I'm pleased.

Can you tell me/us more of what happened, how it happened, how it all went..

Did he insist for instance or did you end up asking.

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@FOUND SOUL,

well he was asking me for a while to meet up and i said yes ....but i went along with my friend. I think what ever negative perceptions i had seems like gone outa my mind. I had a good time, n i think when u meet some one u really like in person n in real ...its different. I felt like i have kwon him for long ....hope all goes well in the long run. looking forward to see him again this weekend. Thanks again

1 Reply

@Dpk,

No worries that's awesome.

I don't like boxes, you know? The ones where you put things into boxes and if it does not tick a pre-conceived idea (not morals/boundries) then you never run with it.

Life if about being happy if someone makes you happy, see it a bit further and decide, you did, that's great please keep us up-dated.

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