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Ran into his Ex GF, how am I wrong for asking a simple question?

 
 
Reply Thu 7 May, 2015 06:54 am
I was alone at a cafe and saw my boyfriend's ex GF walk in. I recognized her from his old pics. I kept my distance and didn't approach her. She doesn't know he has someone in his life. Which he explained by saying they don't talk or ask about their dating situation. They do text every once in awhile to see how the other one is doing.

Later on when I met up with my boyfriend I told him I saw her and gave him a few details on what gave it away (she's a teacher and was grading papers) after he turned back to his computer, I asked If he had any questions (about the run in) and he blew up on me saying that I'm immature for asking. Why would I ask such a stupid question, I disagree but would like to get some feedback. P.S. we've been together about 2 yrs....she was his last relationship before him and I started dating/relationship.
 
View best answer, chosen by Libraswan
Ragman
 
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Reply Thu 7 May, 2015 07:16 am
@Libraswan,
Sorry you got some grief. Relationships, with exes in the periphery, can be touchy...even when there's no regrets and bad breakups.

I'm guessing here but perhaps he felt that you were fishing around for a response. Maybe he felt that you were being invasive. However, he shouldn't have blown up at you and said you're being immature. That was an over-reaction. On the other hand, you were over-stepping your bounds. You were better off just mentioning only that you saw someone you think was his ex. After all, you trust him, right? If there was something to tell you, he would have done so.
Libraswan
 
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Reply Thu 7 May, 2015 08:11 am
@Ragman,
I didn't think he's doing anything with her, Its that I figured he might be curious and ask maybe what I thought or anything else that he wanted to know. He tends to keep in touch with Ex's or women he's dated in the past by text, Facebook (which I'm not connected with him on) or other social media. Should I be concerned?
ehBeth
 
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Reply Thu 7 May, 2015 08:28 am
@Libraswan,
I'm with your boyfriend on this.

It seems weird to me that you'd seem to want to have a conversation about his ex when he was fairly clearly not interested in discussing her with you.

What possessed you to ask him if he had any questions? it seems truly odd to me.

I don't think you're the one who should be concerned. If I were him, I'd have red flags about your boundaries after this.
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ehBeth
 
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Reply Thu 7 May, 2015 08:30 am
@Libraswan,
Libraswan wrote:
Its that I figured he might be curious and ask maybe what I thought


why would/should he care what you thought about a person you saw but didn't engage with? that seems so weird
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Ragman
 
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Reply Thu 7 May, 2015 09:21 am
@Libraswan,
If you re-read what I wrote, I answered you that he is the one who should be concerned about your going past your boundaries. He's done nothing to make you question HIS behavior; however, it was you who went on the fishing expedition.
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Libraswan
 
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Reply Thu 7 May, 2015 11:24 am
The reason for my concern:

There is some background that would paint a better picture as to why I have concerns.

In the past I tagged him in a picture of the both of us on Facebook, he called me that evening immediately after speaking with a girl he dated in the past that took a screenshot and sent it to him via text asking if I was his girlfriend...which made me feel very uncomfortable. He then asked me to take down the picture or untag him. I find it strange that he chooses to be so private about me.
I find it a weird coincidence that he chose to quickly change the subject after I told him of the run in, it's just seems strange how he seems to be handling these strange occurrences with the women of his past.
loveplanet
  Selected Answer
 
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Reply Thu 7 May, 2015 11:29 am
There is nothing wrong about your asking any kind of question in your relationship. Relationship is not a lawsuit and there shouldn't be any rules, constraints or restraints to what you want to know. In fact, there should be no limit to knowledge because the holy bible said they were naked and were not ashamed. Relationship is meant to expose you without shame and make you to be yourself. Transparency and honesty are key. Curiosity helps you to know your partner better and eases up tension for both of you to flow like breeze with each other. The heart is a secret treasure which you can never uncover. You only wanted to know what your partner thought about about what you said to him regarding his ex. I can't blame you because asking question clears the air. Others may think otherwise because human beings are very secretive in nature but relationship and marriage are designed for spouses to share openness and trust with each other. That is why if you are the type that likes to know and don't keep things to yourself, then you need to be with someone you can be so free with to ask even the craziest or dumbest question and still get a friendly answer or at worse a correction in love. Cheers
ehBeth
 
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Reply Thu 7 May, 2015 11:34 am
@Libraswan,
Does he have other photos of himself on FB?

I have a few friends who have no photos of themselves on the site and request untagging of any that others put up.
ehBeth
 
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Reply Thu 7 May, 2015 11:35 am
@loveplanet,
loveplanet wrote:
That is why if you are the type that likes to know and don't keep things to yourself, then you need to be with someone you can be so free with to ask even the craziest or dumbest question and still get a friendly answer or at worse a correction in love. Cheers


good point. The OP may be with the wrong guy for her.
0 Replies
 
Libraswan
 
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Reply Thu 7 May, 2015 12:05 pm
@ehBeth,
I'm not connected with him on Facebook. However he does have photos of himself and recently told me a best friend from JR high tagged him in some old photos
ehBeth
 
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Reply Thu 7 May, 2015 12:06 pm
@Libraswan,
That's unusual. Why are you not connected on Facebook after two years of dating?

_____

If you're not connected, are you mutual friends with other people? you wouldn't be able to tag him if you're not connected on facebook.
Libraswan
 
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Reply Thu 7 May, 2015 01:55 pm
@ehBeth,
He's friends with a girlfriend of mine on Facebook.
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ehBeth
 
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Reply Thu 7 May, 2015 02:25 pm
@Libraswan,
Libraswan wrote:
In the past I tagged him in a picture of the both of us on Facebook,


how did you make that tag live without being his friend on facebook? *




* you can't
Libraswan
 
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Reply Thu 7 May, 2015 09:35 pm
@ehBeth,
I was able to, I added his name and was able to tag him, didn't need to be his friend. This was in November of last year. Not sure if Facebook's policy has changed since then, or if it's a privacy setting, otherwise the girl he dated would have never seen the photo.
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loveplanet
 
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Reply Fri 8 May, 2015 07:44 pm
Understanding is crucial. Try and resolve issues with your man
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