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Fri 1 May, 2015 03:34 am
I am in love with a guy I have known for since the past one year. He is 33 years old, nearly 8 years older than me. He works in the entertainment industry. He is a struggling artist.
Initially I was very impressed by him. He appeared as a very decent, sophisticated and sober man. He seemed very hard working and honest. He has a very charming and serene face and seemed quite mature. I was very much taken by him.
But as I got to know him day by day, I realized he is not who he appears to be. Now I know him as the most manipulating and somewhat of a "crazy" head. But I still like him very much. Maybe because I suffer from low esteem or maybe because I am too captivated by him?
I have no idea whether he is single or not. He does not look as if he is in a relationship but he never really says it from his mouth whether he is single or not
He is always reluctant about talking about his personal life (will say I don't want to talk about it) and usually says I am married (when he's not!, he's still UNMARRIED which is CONFIRMED by his friends and colleagues)
He is pretty handsome and girls get attracted to him very easily. No girl appeared to met him on his birthday or when he was out of town for work.
When he went to a foreign country for a tour, the girls went mad after him and he was flirting and enjoying with al the girls, even dancing with them and he most probably told the hosts "he's single" because they told it in public that "he is single and who wants to be his princess"
But when he was directly asked, again, he was reluctant and did not want to speak about it.
I always felt he was single because of his independent attitude but in February something weird happened.
He turned up at a luxury heritage hotel which was situated in a quaint village, surrounded by mountains and forests.
He was posting photos but only posted photos of himself. He had somebody with him because two of his photos were taken by someone else. He did not post any photo with the person who accompanied him.
He was there for almost a week and the luxury hotel mostly has families and couples going there. He went in first wek of Feb, before Valentines.
I doubt he would go to a place hailed as a romantic getaway, for a week with a male friend (his closest male friends were in town back here)
However , he has suddenly become very friendly with a new colleague of his.. She is also an artist and knows very famous actors and is really close friends with the famous actors. (My love interest is an introvert, rarely mixes with people, but with this colleague who is his immediate worker, with whom he has most amount of work with, he has become friendly, even follows her on social site when he always ignores other women who follow him)
So he has someone OR single? if he has someone why hiding her? & being friendly/flirty with other women while hiding her and repeatedly claiming "i am married " or showing reluctance?
Also I do not understand this "married" claim. When he is not yet married why does he repeatedly keeping saying he is married in public?
He has told he is "married" on radio , said in press and even to a reputed newspaper. When he is not. His casting director confirmed he is still a bachelor.
He gives really lame excuses that nobody asked him (when he was asked on radio and he said can I skip this question). He also says he dislikes talking about his personal life.
He does not tell the girls he works with, that he is married.
Instead he enjoys their attention and flirts with them. If he wants to keep girls at bay, why doesn't he tell them in person? When someone asks him in public, he ll be like " I am married to a girl who is from non industry". But when the colleagues will hit on him, he ll enjoy it.
Lately he has started chatting a lot on social sites ever since he has become friendly with his female colleague.
I am assuming he speaks to her though I am not sure because this behaviour has been prevalent ever since I have known him.
If he is interested in this colleague, how will he manage to keep it hidden? because she's an artist, she is famous herself, knows very famous people and he has been claiming since a year that he is married to a non industry girl.
Also how can someone be so rude and brash to make fun of an institution called marriage?
Lots of people say "no comments" "its too early to discuss or I will reveal it when time comes" if they are unwilling to talk about a relationship, but who makes fun of marriage?
It's not the first time he has lied. He basically lies on small things , like his education, his English speaking ability, mobile network etc.
He claims he dislikes talking about his personal life but he told me himself that his mother passed away. This is also personal and an emotional fact, which he told himself.
Then why does he have issues on talking about his relationship status? Why lying?
Basically he will lie on anything to suit his needs.
What is his problem? Is he a really bad choice? Someone mentally unstable or just another manipulating jerk?
Weird. I've never heard of a man telling people he's married when he is single.
Except to spurn away unwanted advances.
In any case, he seems unreliable and evasive.
Sure he's not gay?
Do you see evidence of a wedding ring?
Why do you waste time on this? He clearly sounds interested in only himself.
You've got a ton of time and emotional investment in someone you don't even seem to have a relationship with. It's an awful lot like stalking behavior, but I'm going to go with obsessed fan as that's (slightly) nicer.
He is a celebrity (even a minor one). They play fast and loose with relationship truths all the time. Why? Because actors, for example, are often told to evade relationships questions in order to energize the fan base. Or they will make up or exaggerate a relationship because it sells more tickets or it covers up homosexuality.
When Tom Cruise and Penelope Cruz made a film together, a relationship (which may or may not have ever existed) was splashed all over the headlines. In part it was to sell tickets, in part it was to quell rumors that Cruise is gay. When the Twilight films were being made, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson were hounded. They denied and they probably didn't have much if anything going on in the beginning. The tabloid press just really liked the story and ran with it.
If you have conversations, ask the guy, point blank - Are you married? And if he waves it off, tell him, don't lie to me and don't weasel out of this if you want to stay friends. I deserve the truth.
Then see what he says. But I get the feeling that you have few conversations with this man, as you say nearly nothing about any personal relationship of any sort that you might have with him. The remainder of it sounds a lot like a fan reading a tabloid.
If he lies or evades, well, why bother with someone who can't come clean on such a simple question?
PS People make fun of marriage all the time; that's not dispositive in any way.
@jespah,
Don't you read properly? He claimed he is married. By telling that he is married doesn't energize the fanbase.
People like to pretend they are single. This guy however has been claiming he is married for a year now.
And instead of judging without knowing anything , give some proper insight to what I asked otherwise dont because I am not here to listen to judgemental comments like yours.
@tammysmith22,
Quote: He claimed he is married. By telling that he is married doesn't energize the fanbase. People like to pretend they are single. This guy however has been claiming he is married for a year now.
The fact is that you're confused about the truth of his status. If you don't know whether he's married or not, and you're relating the story here in this confusing manner, how can anyone here know? You're confusing what he tells the public from what he has told you. He obviously wants his options open..and is not interested in any commitment for some reason. You're caught up in his web.
My advice is that you should find someone else much less flashy and will tell you the truth. There's a lot more fish in the sea. Why pursue someone that is not interested in giving you what you give to them? Truthfulness along with fidelity in a committed relationship are some of the most important character traits. Clearly you don't have a committed relationship. In fact, it's rather casual.
In US there are ways of investigating that can verify a person's marital status. However, if he is that vague and goes back and forth with the his status..and does all these other evasive behaviors, he's not the guy you should rely on. You're far more serious about this relationship than he is.
Furthermore, he lies about so many things, (his command of English, etc.) Would you lie like that? He has vastly different values from you. That would be my guess? Is that what you want in your life?
Also it might be a good idea that you work on your self-esteem, too. You are quite involved perhaps even obsessed with this man. If it were me, I'd look to rebalance yourself and perhaps pursue dating elsewhere.
@tammysmith22,
I read just fine. You're the one who's all over the place over someone who's unattainable.
And speaking of reading comprehension, did you not notice that I mentioned he might be claiming marriage to squelch rumors of being gay?
Either way, take it down several notches. The guy lies to either you or everyone else. And you don't seem to have much of a relationship with him either way.
Why are you wasting your time with him?
@Ragman,
I am not confused. I already know he is not married. I want to understand his personality. What kind of man is he who lies on such small things and later on has secret relationships with famous colleagues?
@jespah,
How can he be gay when he believes in having secret relationships or say flings with his famous colleagues? And he even flirts.
@tammysmith22,
OK...then you are majorly confusing the reader.
If it were me, I'd find another person to date.
@tammysmith22,
Gays don't flirt? Gays don't have secret relationships? Why not?
@tammysmith22,
Does he know you are interested in him?
What do the two of you do together? if you go out together, how does he introduce you to others?
@ehBeth,
Not till now. I had initially thought I would tell him when I was under the delusion that he was a great guy but now I am not making any moves.
He says we are friends. We meet sometimes.
I just want to know about his personality. Why would he lie like this?
@tammysmith22,
tammysmith22 wrote: Why would he lie like this?
you have to ask him directly
if you are friends, he will tell you
@tammysmith22,
Quote:Why would he lie like this?
Sadly, some people lie for all kinds of reasons. The world has its share of scoundrels. You need to figure out if he's one of them.
From what I've been reading in your accounting of this relationship, it's clear you currently have no romance. However, all that being said, he's not into commitment of any sort. He says you're friends so that's where he stands.
@ehBeth,
He doesnt tell me. All I know he spends most of his free time chatting with girls. And even jokes about it how desirable he is and how women fall so easily for him.
@Ragman,
Not into commitment with me or any other woman? But if he is unwilling to be confined, why does he get closer to girls who hit on him or who have high connections?
@tammysmith22,
Why does that matter? If he's unwilling to be in a relationship with you, focus your energy on someone that you can date.
Quote:But as I got to know him day by day, I realized he is not who he appears to be. Now I know him as the most manipulating and somewhat of a "crazy" head.
So, you've already come to a conclusion as to what he's about. Trust that and other independent observations and move on.
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