The Insult Chain Game

How about not sicking your finger into the brew to see if it's hot enough, or at least shower and wash your hands before you pick up a cup.

I need to polish my notes before I address the Annapolis Historical Society.

Glitterbug:
Good grief! Your constant need to lie to us about your goings on has broken the thread as I had to bump it by replying to the a2k member above your last post.

I'm still pretty tired for staying up past midnight last night because I watched the entire 2016 Academy Awards ceremony.

Yeah and watched is all you did since even the seediest dive bar won't allow you in so you watched the broadcast from outside a bar.


While tidying up earlier I found some old medication which I don't even recognize. Wondering what to do with it.

Do the same thing you did when the same situation occurred last week. Give it to your dog to find out what it does; or should I say, give it to your new dog. I'm calling PETA . . .

I bought a pair of jeans, and after washing them, I discovered a tear in the butt area. Will they refund my money?

Nope. Since you've stole the jeans from a homeless woman, you can't return muck and dirt incrusted clothes reeking of piss, vomit, and stale beer to any store. Even Salvation Army doesn't want them.

I just published a concert meetup for the month of July featuring the Flight of the Concords, a comedy duo from New Zealand as they will play new music at the Central Park Summerstage this summer.

The only part of your story you've omitted is the part where you woke up and realized that it was just a dream, and that even in your dream, you misspelled Conchords. And after moping your way to the kitchen and opening your special cupboard, you came to the devastating realization that you were out of vodka. So, with nothing to help you take the sting out of reality that morning, you went back to bed, hoping to make your way back to that dream to correct your misspelling of the word Conchords, forgetting that in dreams, there are no do-overs.

Some of the leaves on my Rhododendron are turning yellow even though I'm watering it regularly.

I would recommend a seaweed feed in your watering, and that's it as I'm currently undergoing anger management.


I have dreams about being a large penis who has a funny combover and a hankering for political power.

I would suggest that your frustration at being incapable of turning yourself into a large penis, and your inability to gain political power has turned you into a small walking fist.

I have to go out and shovel a three hundred and thirty foot driveway this afternoon, after I clean my house.

That's a joke times two! The Idea of you ever cleaning up that 2 room basement apartment you share with 18 cats and 14 rats is absurd. You make hoarders look like they live in empty places.

And what driveway? You live undeneath an old railroad shack that so-called driveway is the tracks runNing to the end of the line.


I need to start getting go sleep earlier so I don't miss so much of the morning.

Well, you have two choices. You can either have a self-enforced cutoff time of 10:00 for the evening phase of your daily drinking routine. Or, you could increase your evening drinking rate to double what it is right now; that way you won't make it past 10:00. But what's the point, really? Let's face it, the only reason you don't want to miss so much of the morning is because the morning phase of your daily drinking routine is your favorite.

I need to start getting up a lot later so that I don't miss so much of the night.

Yeah, keep telling yourself that. You and Sturgis have to stop hanging out.

This may be the year of the compost drum.

You really must have low self esteem calling your house and the people living inside it, a compost drum. See a therapist pronto! Maybe hire a part time made to help you with your hoarding problem.

Meeting some friends tomorrow on a dumpling/noodle crawl from restaurant to restaurant in Chinatown, Manhattan.

Crawl of course being the operative word, since you went out boozing the night before. All you could manage was a slow crawl along the streets.

I have to remember to call the super to tend to the leaky radiator pipe.

Yeah, right. Ya know, tsarstepan might be crawling along in the streets as a result of drinking, but at least he's not pissing on the floor and blaming it on the radiator.

I can't figure out why my computer is so fu . . . damned slow.

Remember all the times you replied to those emails that were allegedly written by Nigerian princes? Those emails came loaded with gigabytes of malware programs. Both your credit history and your computer are terminally ill with no chance of revival.

Seeing Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice this Saturday with a group of friends.

Well the weather will be warmer. That should help as the lot of you sit on the sidewalk begging for change while looking up at the theater marquee, hoping to get enough for one of you to go in and see the movie.

I was horrified to see how much laundry has piled up and is in need of washing.

I'll bet. Maybe if you stole your neighbors' clothes from their dresser drawers instead of from their dirty-clothes hamper, you wouldn't have to deal with this unsightly--and probably smelly--horrific mess.

I got my cat a litter box a year ago, but once in a while, he craps right beside it.

And I can't kick the **** out of him because that would defeat my purpose.

He just does what you do. Besides which, it helps if you put some cat litter in the box instead of leaving it empty.

Last night I ate a delicious dinner of chicken teriyaki and almost immediately fell asleep. I hope I'm not coming down with some illness.

Hope will not help you. You have salmonella poisoning, and can now look forward to a day or two of violent, involuntary episodes of diarrhea. I had a grandmother who had the same problem. The issue was resolved after I taped a piece of paper onto all the plates in her cupboard. And on the pieces of paper, I wrote: GRANDMA, DID YOU REMEMBER TO COOK THE CHICKEN? So, have a friend do this for you. However, I am guessing that finding a friend could be a problem for you because of your nasty habit of insulting people. As evidence of this, I would point to the fact that there is not one post of yours in this entire thread in which you have not insulted the poster before you. And my guess is that you'll do it again; in fact, I would bet on it.

The change-maker at the car-wash will not accept my dollar bills no matter how new they are.
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STURGIS, REMEMBER TO NOT INSULT THE POSTER BEFORE YOU?

No one accepts Monopoly money, you doofus. Not sure if you don't know the difference between real and play money or that you think you'really going to pull a fast one off on others?

Can't wait til I get to go to the Neue Galerie next Friday to see the Munch and German Expressionism exhibit with a few friends.