The Insult Chain Game

you went to rob the bank and it was closed?

I forgot to get cream cheese when I was at the store...

You mean you forgot to shoplift the cream cheese when you were at the store, right?

I just ordered some Thai food online for home delivery for my dinner.

Sick of your usual free meal from the Salvo's soup kitchen?

I'm dining out with my partner tonight.

still got the leg irons on, I see...

cleaning up the kitchen while I cook dinner...

You mean you're shoveling out the garbage so you can find the stove?

I made a fantastic dinner last night.

So good you had to ate it all by yourself as none of your friends would touch it. Who do you think you're kidding, you can't even boil an egg!

My culinary skills are vastly superior to most women, just ask my partner, she lets me do all the cooking.

Does she often take her meals to eat in another room alone ... with the dog only to come back to the kitchen with a licked clean plate? She must be skin and bones by now or always rushing off to do "errands" after each alleged meal. Either way, Your wife is a saint.

I plan on seeing two movies this week because I'm running behind: 50/50, a drama/comedy about a guy who has found out he has 50% chance of surviving a bout of cancer; and Moneyball, the true story about baseball manager, Billy Beane, and his unorthodox success with the Oakland A's.

Is there a discount or do you pay full price for seeing the flops?

I am in the steamy jungle getting up at 5AM daily.

Are you looking for Jane or have you found her "Tarzan"?

I'll be on my own for the next week as my partner has gone Interstate.

Sending her back to the factory to get the puncture sealed?

I'm going to cook a cassoulet tonight.

Don't make it a recipe for disaster anywhere.

I'm into heat transference and can toss a salad.

Leaving the salad aside no doubt you're hottie to toss in the sack and are all fireworks with bangs and flashes.

My neighbour is cooking my meal tonight.

You're going to slink over there and grab some grub while they're not looking again, are you?

I'm going to pack today for my Austin trip tomorrow.

If you're running from the law, wouldn't it be wiser not to make an announcements of where you are going?

I'm eating leftover wheel shaped pasta with tomatoes and cottage cheese for lunch today.

Whose leftovers are they?

I'm off work for a whole week now

they closed the circus for health reasons again?

gonna go get the yard ready for winter.

You change the beer cans littering the lawn seasonally?

I'm watching the Dr. Conrad Murray trial on cable TV.

You're another frustrated Michael Jackson fan are you?

Being alone at home I'm having a lie in today.

Lie in, instead of your usual raunchy, naughty activities with the neighbour's wife - she's out of town, right?

Just took my dog, Gracie, for a walk in the dog park and she got into a fight with two other border collies.

You dumb bimbo, Gracie is probably on heat and the boys fought over her to mount her.

Later on today I will go and szee a movie to pass the time.