Any more flashing ideas of owning a dog are going to mean an increase in your medication.
It was my wifes birthday today, she was grumpy and I bought her a nice present.
What can possibly be wrong with 2lb of flour and a bag of sugar?
You should have left her. That would have been the greatest gift she had ever received.
I just banged a turtle
Found an orifice small enough to give your tiny pecker a little friction, eh?
I'm shackin up with an Italian in Nevada...
sausage, I presume?
My biceps are bigger than life itself.
I've had bigger boils than you have biceps!
I can snap a six inch nail with my bare hands.
A fingernail maybe, and only with considerable effort
I am often mistaken for Marty Feldman
He's was never that bloody ugly
I can crush two grapes together, no problem.
A testicular accomplishment performed by most Englishmen
I am close to death
Aren't you all in that god forsaken wilderness.
How do you baffle a yank? Put two spades on the floor and tell him to take his pick.
I'm going to the gym tomorrow morning.
You're about 15 years and 25 pounds too late.
I just ordered a new book.
For the last time, "Hustler" aint a book.
Saw two pigeons mating yesterday and was strangely aroused.
Don't you own enough phone books?
The photographers were just here to take my picture for the cover of National Geographic
What are they doing Craggy Mountains again?
I bet he has no idea what a woman is like in bed.
Yeah, they're doing a spread on wild donkeys.
I should be cooking lunch.
Mathos wrote:What are they doing Craggy Mountains again?
I bet he has no idea what a woman is like in bed.
So you can row in the same boat now.
I am still not cooking.
Are you pretending to be a woman again?
I never eat cockroaches on toast without worcester sauce.
The Brits are so pretentious.
I am still hot.
By what thermometer?
I once posed for the cover of Playgirl Magazine
So did Spendi, it was idiots choice, which one of you won?
I'm in the village tug of war contest this month.
I thought the rule was one idiot per village.
I don't like soap operas.
