Do you not mean weed the cracks in your patio?
I have a new dog called george!
He is probably a Bullshitz, a cross between a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu.
I'm buying a new car today.
A used '78 Ford Pinto - new for you anyway.
I prefer to buy a car that's not new because they lose value when you drive them off the showroom.
Stingy as usual.
I bought my wife a dishwasher today.
From the junkyard, no doubt. Does it even work?
I had delicious sushi for dinner tonight.
Is that why you are running to the toilet all the time.
Making myself a cuppa with scones and jam.
Cuppa what? Gin and tonic, you lush!
I'm going to be going to bed very soon...
Sleep off your hangover I suppose.
Can't get my pc printer to work.
You better call the PC repairman so he can tell you how to plug it in.
I had lunch with Orlando Bloom.
LA is full of wannabe lookalikes, sucker.
I have a pile of washing to do.
Has your maid left you again.
Going to the dentist tomorrow
What do you do, drop your gnashers off for a clean up and collect them after a few pints?
I'm hoping Man U beat those Oinks from Sheffield tonight.
What will you do if the Oinks from Sheffield win? Put a bag over your head and hope someone shoots you?
I hope there's no student massacre here in LA
I feel terrible about that tragic event Nick and can't joke about that. Sorry
I'm about to walk my neighbours dog.
His own dog won't be seen out with him.
Those eleven oinks from Sheffield and several thousand supporting oinks were wishing they had all remained in Yorkshire last night, I and several million Man U fans across the globe were thrilled.
How elevating to be in the company of the riffraff of humanity enjoying the herd mentality. Hitler would be proud of you.
I think Devon is the new holiday spot for all, since global warming will render the Med too arid and baking.
What is there to do in Devon that can't be done in sunny Southport?
I once went to Devon, its a resort, the last resort...
Only if you are there. Do you REALLY come from Southport, isn't that the place bad Mancunians go when they die?
I don't enjoy typical beach resorts.
Well, they don't enjoy you, either.
I like to go 'native' when travelling.
Not game enough to show your assets at local beaches?
I would loved to visit Canada one day.
