How lame is that? And imagine thinking about Christmas in midsummer, because it's the next time you'll have a party - sad!
I have to make some breakfast now.
Be sure to remember your hairnet before you head for the prison kitchen today. The guards have warned you that, if you forget it one more time, you're outta there, and it's back to mopping floors for you.
I think I have to return one of the items I bought yesterday.
Compulsive shopping can be treated, I believe. And the first step is admitting you've got a problem - so taking back the 99 packets of coffee filters and 18 copies of that IT magazine is a good start.
I think the coffee is ready.
That must mean it's boiling over and slopping up your counter-tops and floors (as usual), and exuding that strange odor of rotten eggs that seems to be your trademark.
I received an offer in the mail, and I'm not sure if it's legit.
Why would that bother you, everything you do is illicit.
The end of the world is coming
And you're dumb enough to want to videotape it for posterity. If you lay off the booze and coke, you might stop hearing those voices of doom.
I just found a fantastic cake in my freezer I had forgotten about.
Too bad the freezer hasn't been working for 2 months. What you think is a fantastic cake is alive with maggots.
My student's partner has come to stay.
Unfortunately, they are partners in crime, and they are about to take advantage of your colossal stupidity to steal you blind.
I really must make some headway on my cleaning today.
You mean you'll finally change your underpants?
I forgot to write a fact, so I edited the post.
And you're so pathetic, you still couldn't think of anything to say. Must be hard not being able to type and think at the same time.
I have to buy a cable for my new printer.
You should just by yourself a shredder instead, save yourself a lot of time and the world a lot of annoyance.
I just ate a very tasty, though somewhat unhealthy breakfast.
Somewhat unhealthy? ROFLMAO Eggs, bacon, sausages, donuts, and a six pack of beer. You have just financed your cardiologist's next vacation and added another few inches to your already enormous gut, you gluttonous jerk.
I just ate my last bagel.
Another inch of blubber consisting of saturated fat congeals round your tummy - yeugh!
I am drinking a huge cup of tea.
Yea, I hear that about you. You like em big...
Later perhaps I'll do some recording.
Yeah, recording the Teletubbies so you can watch it seven times and finally get the story line.
I have to do some housework.
You better get a move on, unless you want your house condemed--the Health Dept. inspector said he'd be back on Tuesday. Although your neighbors would rather see your filthy hovel torn down, they can't wait to get rid of you.
I love reading the ads in the Sunday papers.
Lonely and slightly misshapen bachelor seeks pathetic, 6' strumpet for kinky sex.
I have a business trip coming up next week.
Going back to prison, because of a parole violation, could hardly be considered a "business trip".
I've never been athletic.
Yet you insist on running in the Parents' Day sports to embarrass your kids - or grandkids, I suspect.
I may go to Paris on the way back from my business trip.
Because that city has the only prostitutes willing to sleep with you--even for money--because your disgusting body odor turns everyone else off.
My dog is ripping up one of her toys.
