You don't need a trip into space you need to get your head out of the clouds and join us on this planet dear...
I think I'll go for a drive
Off a cliff?
My car is acting strangely.
You don't expect that rust bucket to start and drive normal do you?
I'm going to watch some local tennis tomorrow.
I hope you are up to the excitement of watching the octogenarians in the Over The Hill Tennis Club smack those serves right into the net. You won't have to worry about following any rapid action, which is just fine, given your limited abilities to concentrate.
I really love what I wore to work today.
Yes it looked alright on next doors washing line too!
I need a good sleep tonight.
your usual bottle of moonshine should do the trick
My vacation has just ended
30 years behind bars is not exactly a vacation.
I once lived in North Carolina.
Gosh, wow! That has to be about as exciting as saying you once ate squash.
I've put the coffee on.
Because you are too lazy to read directions, your coffee maker should have a sign that reads, "Hazardous Material--Drink At Your Own Risk", to warn people about that gut corroding brew you make. It would be more suitable as a paint remover than as a beverage.
I have to buy a Thank You gift.
It's quite all right, a simple card will do - I didn't need those 10-year-old jeans anyway.
In half an hour I'm going swimming.
As we know you swim like a rock we must assume this is your last post!
I don't like too much heat.
and yet he opts to live in the desert!
I have a touch of heat-stroke
You're just plain touched, and the heat has nothing to do with it. Of course, if you laid off the booze, your dizziness might clear up. When they advise drinking lots of fluids in hot weather, they are not referring to glass after glass of straight Vodka.
My garden is wilting from the heat.
Garden those two window boxes, take them in and water them in the bath, you don't use it for anything else do you?
I think I need a cold beer.
Everyone knows beer is good for heat stroke. I am suire you will drink at least a case or two to keep yourself hydrated.
I think I will be rich within the next year.
Burglarizing your family again, are we?
I ate a delicious orange for lunch.
Touching, your faith in the impossible. Rich in moulds and fungus growing over your basement hovel, that's all.
I've just discovered my nephew's gay.
That's 10 out of 10, isn't it? Thank God it's the end of the line.
This Dasani water is very tasty.
Particulary when you dilute it by 75% with Gin.
I have to do some dictation.
Because you are too drunk to type. However, your speech is too slurred for dictation.
I prefer water over cola.
